First off, I want to thank Val, Philly, and others who posted and gave their honest opinions on this topic.

I was recently in a very bad auto accident and spent nearly a week in the hospital and half of the time in a coma. My sister took my phone and tm'd everybody on my list about my condition and supplied them with daily updates. My Ex was still in my phone list and she got all of the updates and when word came out that I came to, she was one of the first to phone me.

She spilled her guts out to me and explained what was going on and why she broke up the way she did with me. She said that she had wanted to contact me for some time, but was afraid because of the length of time.

The first night we spoke for about 4 hours and we have been in contact with each other about everyday. I don't know what to think because she said she misses me and loves me. She also confessed that she cried everyday since I got into the accident and regrets her decision to "let me go".

I don't know what to think because she still has never told me about her "rebound relationship". What do you think her motives are? How would you proceed in my case? I still have feelings for her, but the only way I would get back together is if she agreed to seek counseling and therapy for her issues. I really do love her, and she is in my thoughts everyday regardless. Do you think I should let her know that I am aware of her current status or play along and see if she will eventually confess?

As always, I prefer straight forward and blunt responses. Don't forget that I was in a coma for 3-4 days and I might not be thinking right.

Well since she left you for another guy I will be blunt with what I think. If you did not cause this accident and there is a potential lawsuit or settlement in the future I think she sees money. I would tell her that you need to focus on getting better and put her on the back burner for now.

No, it's a little more complex than that. She didn't really dump me for another guy, but rather her own emotional instability and problems. She said she did not want to take me on her roller coaster rides and distance also played a factor in the relationship. We never really got a chance to be around each other as much as she thought was necessary.

Love and co-dependance sucks. Not really sure what to make of anything anymore.

No, not seeing $ signs. That's kind of off base.

Thanks for the feedback though.

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Originally Posted by rolljeep

I still have feelings for her, but the only way I would get back together is if she agreed to seek counseling and therapy for her issues. I really do love her, and she is in my thoughts everyday regardless. Do you think I should let her know that I am aware of her current status or play along and see if she will eventually confess?

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If you suggested the above to her what do u think her reply would be?
Because I would tell her this if you truly believe she is worthed.

What is her currents status?

Me thinks her "emotional instability" and other excuses were alibis. Not the truth. Women will NEVER tell you there is a another guy. Never.

I'd be real careful on this one - she did it once - she can do it again.

It's hard to go back. Can you completely TRUST her? I personally do not think you can.

I do recommend the counseling strongly. You both should go.

Does she respect you? For some reason I don't think she does. One because she was not willing to work things out before.

Again - I've seen it so many times - alibis - she was seeing another guy and it was getting too hard t ohide it.

There has to be trust - not sure if there is.

Couple questions - how old are you?

How far away does she live? Long Distance relationships are hard enough as it is.

Wildcat:

How far away does she live and how old are we?

500 miles, was 1500 away for about 5 months. Only saw each other 2 during that time, but we talked everyday. I am 35 and she is 29.

Does she respect you?

She respects me, but she does not respect herself. That is why therapy is the only option she has to truly change herself in the long term. I have only gone to 2 sessions and already I feel like a different person.

Again - I've seen it so many times - alibis?

No, it would not have been hard to hide that she was seeing someone else because we had drifted somewhat. LDR's suck. When she spoke to me she explained that by letting me go along with her past, she thought she could suddenly have a fresh start in a new city with a new life and her past problems left behind. We all know it does not work that way.

Her "rebound" relationship will fail as the new dude just picked up the shattered remnants of our relationship. After talking to her, it sounded like she rushed into another relationship that all of the past would disappear and she could forget about me and her history. Please, I'm to unique to forget. I know he is just filler because we look very similar. It actually kind of pissed me off. Remember, she still does not know that I am aware she is seeing somebody.

Trust?

If she makes a solid attempt to seek therapy and is putting forth 100%, then yes. If not, I am not willing to continue no matter how much it hurts me. I am done putting the brake lights on for other people.

Well - sounds like you're on the right path. I do think, as you have stated, that you insist she goes to therapy regardless.

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Originally Posted by chuff

Well since she left you for another guy I will be blunt with what I think. If you did not cause this accident and their is a potential lawsuit or settlement in the future I think she sees money. I would tell her that you need to focus on getting better and put her on the back burner for now.

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This is completely irrelevant and out of the question. Who knows this girl have other priorities too. It doesn't always concern of another guy. There's so many things to consider when it comes to getting involve with someone especially if that turns out to be successful and more stable. Girls gets scared just like guys do. They are afraid of commitment and what to expect and whatnot. In my opinion, I think she's being truthful. You just have to be careful what's behind her closet. All I'm saying is she might have thought about you so much but afraid of telling you all about her and completely leave herself vulnerable and pretty much open for a firing squad. I'm sure it's hard to make decision especially at this time of your life. Why don't you just tell her that you would need time and considering of getting back with her soon your health is back to normal? I'm sure any girl can understand that. And if she truly wants you she would be more than willing enough that she would even consider helping you go through this crisis.

Thanks, and yes, she is a sensitive person and often has problems telling people what she is thinking because she fears being criticized. A lot of her problems comes from the way she was raised. She had very young parents (17,18) with another child. You know, BLAH, BLAH, I'll refrain from any Fruedian terms.

At first I wanted to hurt her as deeply as I could have fired off the heavy artillery because I know what would hurt her. Instead, I decided to be a little more mature about it and keep the anger and bitterness to myself.

I guess only time will tell.

You do sound like you have thought things through fairly well and come to a pretty logical conclusion.
I just recommend that you be honest to her but also firm. You don't want a repeat of last time and any hint that she isn't willing to give 100% into making it work this time then I would be out the door and running away - For good!

Good luck and please keep us posted on what happens!

Hope your feeling better too!

Frankly, I agree with the "straightforward and blunt response" route. Also insisting on therapy and counseling as a condition for getting back with her is a good move if she indicates that she wants to start things up again. Be aware that she may, in a strange sort of way, be feeling guilty for what happened to you regarding the auto accident, maybe aggravated by guilt feelings for having broken up with you, and may be feeling some pity for you right now. You certainly don't want that. You can "feel her out" but take things real slow and easy. And be sure not to give your power away whatever you do.

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Originally Posted by chuff

Well since she left you for another guy I will be blunt with what I think. If you did not cause this accident and their is a potential lawsuit or settlement in the future I think she sees money. I would tell her that you need to focus on getting better and put her on the back burner for now.

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Good point, Chuff. Red flag to beware. Tried to spread the love but couldn't.

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Originally Posted by mysticque

this is completely irrelevant and out of the question. Who knows this girl have other priorities too. It doesn't always concern of another guy. There's so many things to consider when it comes to getting involve with someone especially if that turns out to be successful and more stable. Girls gets scared just like guys do. They are afraid of commitment and what to expect and whatnot. In my opinion, I think she's being truthful. You just have to be careful what's behind her closet. All I'm saying is she might have thought about you so much but afraid of telling you all about her and completely leave herself vulnerable and pretty much open for a firing squad. I'm sure it's hard to make decision especially at this time of your life. Why dont' you just tell her that you would need time and considering of getting back with her soon your health is back to normal? I'm sure any girl can understand that. And if she truly wants you she would be more than willing enough that she would even consider helping you go through this crisis.

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How old are you? Did you read that original post? She already left him. Of course she isn't going to say it's for another guy. No woman is going to admit that but generally it is. Then she was afraid to contact him until he was in an accident? Why then? If she really had feelings for him why wouldn't she have tried to make contact before and offer a plan for him on how she's changed.

No one really knows what motivates this female so going slow and focusing on your health is the main thing. I would ask her straight up what the deal is with her and if you feel she is keeping secrets then leave her alone. Don't play games, that is such a waste of time so be honest and ask what you want to know.