My ex is going to school and is having the state of Washington pay for daycare. (which she has her little sister act as the babysitter so her little sister doesn't have to have a real job) We don't want child support placed on me, we think it's better for us if we just keep it out of the courts hands for various reasons, we agreed to me giving her cash every check. We also don't want the state garnishing me for the daycare that the state is helping her pay. She suggested that I give up all my parenting rights and that would stop any garnishment being placed on me by the state. I'm not looking to not help raise our child financially, I have help her since day 1, we just don't want the state coming after me for the help she is getting. How can we go about this?

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Originally Posted by js2943

She suggested that I give up all my parenting rights and that would stop any garnishment being placed on me by the state.

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If that were true, no man would ever be forced to pay child support.

You can't go about this. You cannot relinquish parental rights to avoid paying support.

In addition, "keeping it out of the courts and paying cash" is about the dumbest thing you can do. If she were to file for support, she may be able to get you for back support also because as far as the court goes, that cash is nothing but a gift.

If she is on state support, you are defrauding the government by not paying support and I have no idea how she got government assistance without the state coming after you.

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Originally Posted by js2943

My ex is going to school and is having the state of Washington pay for daycare. (which she has her little sister act as the babysitter so her little sister doesnt have to have a real job) We don't want child support placed on me, we think it's better for us if we just keep it out of the courts hands for various reasons, we agreed to me giving her cash every check. We also don't want the state garnishing me for the daycare that the state is helping her pay. She suggested that I give up all my parenting rights and that would stop any garnishment being placed on me by the state. I'm not looking to not help raise our child financially, I have help her since day 1, we just don't want the state coming after me for the help she is getting. How can we go about this?

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First off.. caring for children IS a real job. So if your ex's sister is taking in your child for day care then there is no reason she shouldn't be paid for it. Is there a custody order from the court ? If not what you might be able to do to minimize the support order is to have custody split between the both of you. That way with equal time the support should be minimal ( i.e. enough to cover the states end of things) and you both can go about your merry way. As Steve suggested it's a very poor idea to pay cash if your making support payments. Since its cash you have no record. So the best is to find a lawyer you both can agree on and then set it in writing what you want. Then have the court rubber stamp it. Otherwise the state may come after you with the full force of the law and that could include jail time.

Ok, so you want to support your child. Good for you. Support is generally dtermined by the NCP's income, not by the custodial parent's expenses. So it really doesn't matter whether she is paying for day care and who she is paying.

I think its foolish to try and avoid the courts. By letting the court set custody, support and visitation you have recourse if the mom decides not to let you see your child or claims you haven't been paying your fair share.

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Originally Posted by califdadof3

First off .. caring for children IS a real job. So if your ex's sister is taking in your child for day care then there is no reason she shouldnt be paid for it. Is there a custody order from the court ? If not what you might be able to do to minimize the support order is to have custody split between the both of you. that way with equal time the support should be minimal ( i.e. enough to cover the states end of things) and you both can go about your merry way. As Steve suggested its a very poor idea to pay cash if your making support payments. Since its cash you have no record. So the best is to find a lawyer you both can agree on and then set it in writing what you want. Then have the court rubber stamp it. Otherwise the state may come after you with the full force of the law and that could include jail time.

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Here's a little more details about my situation. I don't actually know how much the sister actually watches our son. I do know that they are trying to get as much out of the state as possible in free money. The sister is going on 19 years and has only had 1 job for about 3 weeks. She dropped out of school at the age of 16 and has been partying ever since. My ex also dropped out and has constantly quit her jobs and just quit her job recently. They want to get money the easy way, without working for it. Also I have offered to watch him while she's at school. Again it's just a ploy for the sister to get money without holding a job. I know that giving straight cash is a horrible idea, but I have another child support order in place already that is draining me financially. I gross about 1800 a month and I pay 477 a month for a previous child. So that leaves me with about 800-900 a month to pay child insurance, child support, rent, gas, food and whatever other bills I have. I simply can't afford another 400 dollar support order. I can always go get a part time job and have absolutely nothing to do with my children, but I want to be part of their lives. Even if my second ex doesn't want child support placed through the state, the state wants to come after me for the help she is getting.

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Originally Posted by stevetcg

You can't go about this. You cannot relinquish parental rights to avoid paying support.

In addition, "keeping it out of the courts and paying cash" is about the dumbest thing you can do. If she were to file for support, she may be able to get you for back support also because as far as the court goes, that cash is nothing but a gift.

If she is on state support, you are defrauding the government by not paying support and I have no idea how she got government assistance without the state coming after you.

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I understand that she can always get me back for child support. I don't actually know the details of what she is getting and what is really going on, I just know what she tells me. All I know is that she quit her job, then came up with the idea to go to school to prolong getting a job. I know she is looking for ways to get as much help as possible through the state. I actually work part 40+ hours a week and I'm living paycheck to paycheck because of a previous child that I am paying child support for. I gross about 1800 a month and I pay 477 a month for my older child. That leave me with about 800-900 net pay a month, with that I give my youngest child's mother 250 month. Basically I'm left with 550-650 a month to pay rent, food, gas, utilities and what ever other bills I have. I simply can't afford to pay the state back for all the help she is getting. I don't know how to go about any of it. My first ex only works about 20 hours, and my second doesn't work at all, that's 20 hours between both of them. They both are fully capable of working more, as I still am very involved in both my child's lives. I want to pay child support for my kids, I know that they are my responsibility, and I'm not trying to get out of child support. But I can not afford paying 800-900 a month in child support when that is half my gross.

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Originally Posted by js2943

But I can not afford paying 800-900 a month in child support when that is half my gross.

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Well gee, maybe you should have thought of that before you started inseminating these woman. And maybe you should have put some more thought into the women you have sex with. If you are getting the feeling that I don't have much sympathy for you, you're right. You play, you pay.

The mother does not sound like the most stable person. All the more reason you need to get everything formalized.

If you were to go to court the Judge would award child support to the 2nd child a bit differently compared to the first child. Your income would be garnished just so much by the second child and not at the same amount a the first. You need to either consult an attorney about this or go yourself to the Child Support Office and discuss this with them as right now you are setting yourself up for some swell financial problems in the future with child #2 and cash.

It is irrelevant about the sister watching the child. Let the mother of #2 deal with the state and let her get caught defrauding the state. A person can only go so long in the system making false claims and they come back and arrest them.

In the meantime you need to remember that if you don't want anymore kids to support financially, then don't keep impregnanting them. Easy to get laid, hard to keep paying for a piece of behind for years and years. Or get "fixed".

Yes you need to do this though the courts, you will end up getting it worst at the end of the day.

Plus by "cheating" the system, and the state ( that is my money, your neighbors money) our tax money, that is being paid, so because you want to try and cheat the system, and not go though the courts, you expect the tax payers to pay the child care?

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Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

yes you need to do this though the courts, you will end up getting it worst at the end of the day.

Plus by "cheating" the system, and the state ( that is my money, your neighbors money) our tax money, that is being paid, so because you want to try and cheat the system, and not go though the courts, you expect the tax payers to pay the child care ??

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No, I would prefer her to get a job like I have. Let me have my son while she is at school. Again, I don't like state assistance, I've never been on it and neither has my family. I don't believe in living off other people and I don't want to be lived off my nickel that I actually work for. I am fully capable of supporting my 2 boys. I just don't want to pay for daycare when I can have my son when she is claiming she needs daycare money for school.

Let the Court decide what should be done, not what anyone wants to be done.

As soon as you said you didn't want to go to Court I think you lost your audience.