Ask Me Help Desk - Is it wrong to feel this way?

I stopped getting spankings when I was either 12 or 13. But when I was in my mid teens to early 20's, I did things that probably deserved a few spankings here and there. But now that I'm older, I feel nothing but regret and guilt for those times. I also kind of feel like I haven't been forgiven and may never be forgiven for those times.
My dad was strict while I was growing up. But deep down, I feel like my parents stopped spanking me at to young of an age.
Not to long ago, I actually felt like God had forgiven me for everything.
I feel like it's my parents that haven't and may never forgive me for those times.
Deep down at times, I kind of feel like the only way that they could forgive me for those times, is to spank me for the times that I did deserve them for, but never got them.
Should I really be feeling this way as an adult?

The best way to resolve this is to see a professional and talk it out. Then, you will understand it and know if you have taken care of it or not. If you don't resolve it, you could find yourself one day paying people to spank you as a fetish. No judgment about that, just be clear with yourself about what you are doing.

Spanking has nothing to do with forgiveness. It is punishment that some parents consider OK and others consider barbaric. If you want your parents' forgiveness, tell them that you are sorry for the things you did during those times. Let them know that you regret the suffering your actions put them through. If they have to say anything to you about all that, listen to them.

By having this conversation with your parents and expressing honest regret, you can earn their respect as an adult.

You are no longer a child. You don't need to be spanked for misbehaving. You need to own the responsibility for your actions and the outcomes they produce. That's enough.

Quote:

Originally Posted by luvsanimals84

I stopped getting spankings when I was either 12 or 13. But when I was in my mid teens to early 20's, I did things that probably deserved a few spankings here and there. But now that I'm older, I feel nothing but regret and guilt for those times. I also kinda feel like I haven't been forgiven and may never be forgiven for those times.
My dad was strict while I was growing up. But deep down, I feel like my parents stopped spanking me at to young of an age.
Not to long ago, I actually felt like God had forgiven me for everything.
I feel like it's my parents that haven't and may never forgive me for those times.
Deep down at times, I kinda feel like the only way that they could forgive me for those times, is to spank me for the times that I did deserve them for, but never got them.
Should I really be feeling this way as an adult?

Sounds like the order of behavioural rewards and punishments your parents used on you is still stuck there. You may need counseling just to dig around and find out why you feel that you are so bad, or deserve to be punished?

Question, what is it that you really did that was so bad, if you don't mind my asking? It would make things a little clearer, and possible I'd have some reading tha may help you through this. Such as a psychology book that would help you deal with the cognitive assotiation or disasociation with right/wrong, and good/bad.

I know this is super sensative, but were you ever abused? By any one, ex BF, teacher, parent, relative, any athorative figure or even a stranger. Just trying to get rid of the things that I've heard this kind of thing associated to. I had a friend who was raped by her BF, and she felt that she needed to be punished too. I'm not saying you were, just want to get that out of the way.

I take it your family is very religious? What religion if you don't mind my asking?

It is your parnet's choice as to whether they forgive you or not, but in this situation you need to forgive yourself before their forgiveness will mean anything. Why do you feel these deeds were so bad? To give you much more advice or information, we need to know more about what you did, and your family's back ground so we can choose our words, and find how to explian what may benafit you.

Please let us know what you feel comfortable with, so we can give you accuarte aswers.

In the mean time some quotes that may be helpful:
“It is not who is right, but what is right, that is of importance.”
-Thomas Huxley
"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong."
Mahatma Gandhi (I'm not saying any one is weak, but it takes a stronger person to forgive... )
"Be not ashamed of mistakes and thus make them crimes." Confucius
"It does not matter how slowly you go so long as you do not stop.
Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in getting up every time we do.
Respect yourself and others will respect you.
Study the past if you would define the future." Confucius
"Begin at the beginning and go on till you come to the end; then stop." ~Lewis Carrol, Alice in Wonderland
"Losing an illusion makes you wiser than finding a truth." ~Ludwig Börne (Very profound words)
"Sometimes it's necessary to go a long distance out of the way in order to come back a short distance correctly." ~Edward Albee
"Forgive them for they know not what they do."-Jesus on page 116 of the book A New Earth. (Interesting, how true this is, and how I have come to truly hold these words as wiser than most. And I don't really beieve in GOD in the same sense as most.)
"Don't seek the truth. Just cease to cherish opinions."- Zen saying.
"We are what we think, all that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make our worlds.
What we think, we become. Fill your mind with compaction.
The thought manifest as the word, the word manifest as the deed, the deed develops into habit, and habit hardens into character. So watch the thought and it’s ways with care, and let it spring from love, born out of concern for all beings.
There is nothing more dreadful than the habit of doubt, doubt separates people, it is a poison that disintegrates friendships, and breaks up pleasant relations. It is a thorn that irritates and hurts, it is a sword that kills.
Neither fire nor wind, neither birth nor death can erase our good deeds.
Believe nothing no matter where you read it, no matter who said it, no matter if I said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and common sense."-buddha

Peace and kindness be with you.

"This too shall soon pass."- A new Earth.

NO! You should not be feeling this way.I think some therapy may be of benefit to you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by luvsanimals84

I stopped getting spankings when I was either 12 or 13. But when I was in my mid teens to early 20's, I did things that probably deserved a few spankings here and there. But now that I'm older, I feel nothing but regret and guilt for those times. I also kinda feel like I haven't been forgiven and may never be forgiven for those times.
My dad was strict while I was growing up. But deep down, I feel like my parents stopped spanking me at to young of an age.
Not to long ago, I actually felt like God had forgiven me for everything.
I feel like it's my parents that haven't and may never forgive me for those times.
Deep down at times, I kinda feel like the only way that they could forgive me for those times, is to spank me for the times that I did deserve them for, but never got them.
Should I really be feeling this way as an adult?

You need to be able to forgive yourself for making poor decisions when you were younger. It is part of growing up to not always make wise choices. Many people probably have some things they wish they could go back and do differently. Is there a reason you feel your parents have not forgiven you? Have you actually talked to them about it? Do they know the things you did in your teens and early 20's that still bother you? If they do, talking to them might be helpful, if they don't you will have to learn to let it go yourself... understanding that it was the past, you are older and wiser now.
Spankings are pointless when you already know right from wrong. It is not up to your parents... don't put this on them, it is up to you to acknowledge you made some mistakes, you learned from them, and you have moved on.