My partner and I have been together for 7 years we have a 5 year old child together and one on the way about 2 months ago I learn he was cheating on me with someone from work and after I found out we tried to work things out but I didn't see any change from his part. Finally one night I got fed up and threw him out of the house. He left and is now leaving with his mom. After a week I inteded to talk to him ask him to come back and he didn't want to here it he was not acting himself either I went to the point of blaming myself of what had happen between us and asked him to give another chance to make this work he told me a lot of hurtful things and that was when I realized I had done nothing wrong and decided to move on and forget about him by not calling him or seeing him. Just this past weekend he text me and wanted to talk to try to work things out between us and he also said he misses me and my son. I honetly think he was going through a confusion state and needed time to relize how much he loves his family. Just lastnight he stayed over and slept with his son in another room and I check his phone while he was I asleep maybe I shouldn't have but I did and found a couple of text from the same woman he cheated on me withand I don't know how to confront him about that because we wasn't together and I shouldn't of been checking his phone. Is hard for me to go back with him and think that he's still is going to be in contact with that woman. I want to tell him to change his phone number but they work together and I believe he knows her phone by memory. What should I do Im suppose to set up a date to talk to him about our diffferences and work things out but is going to be difficult me knowing this.

How long have you been in therapy? What has the counselor said? What has he said about counseling, has he mad improvements, has your relationship improved at least a little?

When I discovered that my husband cheated, I was disgusted, sad, I was in a whirl of emotions. I left and I should have stayed gone. However I came back- I'm now finally leaving the marriage for good [after a year].

If you do want to leave and have a strong urge to don't stay for the kids and don't try and work things out. If your heart is already out then you should go too.


Sarah

Reality check!!

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He tells me he loves me but not the relationship we were in...

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That means your parents, but not romantic partners. Handle you parents business, and forget the romance.

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I'm so confused and he just won't be honest

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He sounds honest to me, and you should listen to what he says and take the hint to give him space and distance.

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and I don't want to push me anymore or the situation... HELP?

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Help yourself by accepting what he has told you, and make the adjustments that you must to heal and cope with your own feelings of loss, and rejection.

Give him space, and talk of raising kids, and doing for them, and not about a future of being together. That may mean continuing your counseling without him.

Stay in therapy, no matter what. By working on yourself, you will become more able to deal with your situation. When the baby comes, you will need to be that much stronger, and therapy will help.

Be totally honest with the therapist.

Your first responsibility is to yourself, followed by your children. You might work it out with your boyfriend, and you might not, but being together is not the goal. Being a whole, able, resourceful person, resourceful enough to live your life and raise your kids, is a realistic goal. Now is the time to grow.

Give him the room to grow, too. Let him choose how he wants to invest himself in the therapy where his own development is concerned. Don't push for fairness, balance, or having him own up to his mistakes and problems. Let the therapist do that. Just work on getting the truth out between you, and sorting through the issues that cause you to struggle with each other.

Since he wants to continue with the therapy, you have a chance of working through the problems and coming to a healthy relationship. He will have to own up to his infidelity. You will have to find a way to trust him again, and eventually to forgive him. Forgiveness doesn't mean making it OK; it means that you are no longer tying yourself into knots over what he did, that you are not carrying around his mistake.

A big part of the problem is the pattern of fighting. You are both responsible for this. When he says that he loves you but not the relationship, he means that he can't handle the fighting and needs to escape from it. His infidelity, while not excusable, is part of that escape.

You can't work out the problems in your relationship by fighting. No one does. You can work them out through understanding each other, which means listening to one another, grasping what the other is experiencing, and being a fair witness to each other's path in life.

I think you're taking the right steps by implement the no contact rules. Since you have two children together, you'll still have to communicate, but keep it to a minimum like you have.

I'm not sure how you can ever take him back because he cheated on you. It's extremely difficult to regain the trust after cheating. Since he was willing to cheat, he was prepared to face the conseqences and if he wanted to save the relationship, his effort would be obvious.

The fact that he's not even trying means that he's probably moved on with his life. So continue with your healing process. I think that you're doing great!

You should not feel guilty. It takes two people to make a relationship work. If he ever has problems with you, he should take it up with you and try to work it out, instead of turning to another woman for comfort.

That being said, he did cheat on you. This is a huge breach of trust. You need to ask yourself whether you can still trust him. Personally, cheating is unforgivable. If it's not this woman, there could be another woman.

However, it's not that simple because you guys have children together. You guys have already passed the boiling point, so there's nothing more you can do but confront him straight up. Both of you need to put everything on the table and sort it out. No more mind games about whether you should or should not bring it up.

If he wants to make this relationship work, he has to own up to his mistake and prove to you that he can be trusted again. If he can't, you need to dump him and move on.

You don't really understand what you want? Do you want him back or not... are you sure yourself?

Threads merged

My husband and I separated and now he has a couple of days staying at mome to try to work things out between us. At first when we spoke he seem certain that he wanted to come home and he's having second thoughts because he thinks everything is going to go back to when we started having problems. He also seems confuse and kind of like the way he's been living without having to give explanations to anyone of what he does and where he goes. He says he loves and the kids. But is not sure about moving in should I give him time to think about things have him still stay at home and make sure this is what he really wants to do or should I demand that he makes up his mind?

Leave the guy alone and let him make up his mind, and you make up yours, as to what you really expect.

A few days or so of being apart, is what you both need to figure out how your going to be good parents. The rest of the personal stuff can wait.

Instead of starting new questions, please give your feedback here as we are already confused enough.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Leave the guy alone and let him make up his mind, and you make up yours, as to what you really expect.

A few days or so of being apart, is what you both need to figure out how your going to be good parents. The rest of the personal stuff can wait.

Instead of starting new questions, please give your feedback here as we are already confused enough.

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Im not here to confuse no one my friend Im just here to get some people's advises on how to react to certain situation and I do leave other answers to different members. If you don't like it you certaintly don't have to answer and just go on and be helpful to someone else that needs your advice.

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Originally Posted by j2nice4u1982

Im not here to confuse no one my friend Im just here to get some people's advises on how to react to certain situation and I do leave other answers to different members. If you don't like it you certaintly don't have to answer and just go on and be helpful to someone else that needs your advice.

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No ones living a lie you need to pay more attention to what I post you got it all wrong... Instead of defending that other person I came here for advised not to be criticized by some of you.

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Originally Posted by j2nice4u1982

No ones living a lie ya'll need to pay more attention to what I post ya'll got it all wrong...Instead of defending that other person I came here for advised not to be critized by some of you.

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We know you're seeking advice. Because you are new to this site, here are a few tips that might be helpful.

1) It's better to keep all the questions about the same issue into 1 thread. That way, we can keep track of the entire story and people can give you better advice.

2) We are all third parties here. We do not live your life. We are basing our advice on the facts that you give us. So if you believe that we misunderstood you, please clarify and we will give you advice accordingly, instead of being so defensive.

3) Most of the time, people come here hoping to get the advice that they want to hear. But the reality is that most people get the exact opposite. We tell them what they DON'T want to hear, because it's the truth and the truth hurts sometimes.

However, you seem so adamently on the defensive, how about you clear up any misunderstandings that you think we might have so that we can help you.

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1) It's better to keep all the questions about the same issue into 1 thread. That way, we can keep track of the entire story and people can give you better advice.

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That's all I was saying, as its confusing with different threads for the same thing. Nothing personal, and see how easy it is to get confused??

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Thats all I was saying, as its confusing with different threads for the same thing. Nothing personal, and see how easy it is to get confused???

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Okay sorry for the misunderstanding! Thank you.