I am a 27 year old male, living on my own and I've been dating a girl who had just gotten out of a bad relationship with someone to whom she got pregnant from. We have been seeing each other since she was about 5 months pregnant. I had helped her out and let her stay with me for a while and she recently went to be with her family to have the baby.

We plan on continuing our relationship, and I don't have any problem taking full responsibility of her child (as if he were my own) The only problem is I don't know how to talk to my parents about this.

I mentioned that I was seeing her a while back, but did not disclose everything to my parents. My dad is worried about me and thinks I should be careful (thinking she might just be looking for a father figure, and will possibly try and get child support from me in the future if things didn't work out) He is very pessimistic, but he has been burned my my mother in the past (they are divorced)

I love this girl with all my heart, and we have talked it through and are deciding to take out time with things and not rush into anything (like me signing the birth certificate, etc.) She has even expressed her concerns for me as far as this being a HUGE commitment... but this is something I really want to do. I just need to know how to talk to my father and gain his trust, support and ultimately have his blessing to continue seeing this girl.

I know I'm 27 and I should make decisions for myself (but this is one that I feel effects my parents as well because of a possibly grand child that is not blood related) and I want my fathers blessing.

Thanks!!

Question: has he already met this girl?

Maybe a proper introductions will alleviate some of his worries.

MRS.S

No he hasn't met her yet... she is actually still up north (with her family) she will be coming back from maternity leave soon, and I do plan on properly introducing her to my family.

My older sister right now is the only one who has met her. My mother has talked to her on the phone several times, but they have not met in person. I'm not worried about them approving though, just want my dads blessing.

I think you're right to say it will alleviate some of his concerns, once he meets her.

Thanks for your response!

Hey if this girl has nothing to hide, your both in love, you are aware what your "getting into" then you have nothing to worry about.

You are 27 years old and it is your life now, you make your own choices.

MRS.S

Its good that you would like your fathers approval.. (you don't need it).. its shows respect for him and that you love him.

Even if he will not give his approvel,in time he will see you are committed to this relationship and that he has helped raise a good man of which he can be proud of.

Ultimately what we as parents want for our kids is to be happy.
Of course we want them protected as well.
Tell you Dad you are happy and that you know what if any downsides there are to this relationship.(Baby daddy drama)
Help him understand that you are going to be with this girl,regardless of his blessing but that his blessings means a lot to you.
The rest is up to him.

Back up... you said you've been with this girl since she was 5 months pregnant and you lived together? Did she have her baby yet? How long have you guys been dating? How long have you known her?

Forget about your dad for a second, sounds like you haven't even known this girl for a long time and you're so in love with her?

How about you spend more time getting to know her first before being so serious. She's got a lot of baggage, so I'm sure that there's a lot of stuff that you don't know about her.

Slow down and get to know her more.

The only issue I see would be why after all these months have they not been told everything about her, you would talk about her more than anything when you are in love, want to share everything. And when she had the child, at this point, you would have shared that also.

So my issue is, why do they not already know,

And if they say they hate her, what then, it happens, my parents hated my last wife, could not even take her to their home, so I married her anyway since I am a adult making my own choices.

PS, since she is a ex, maybe they were right

One thing, I would definitely hold off trying to sign the birth certificate.
You're just getting into this relationship and need to slow down before proceeding full steam ahead.

It's admirable that you want to be there for her which includes a soon-coming baby but it's still too soon to make such a call.

I do think it shows respect that you want your father's approval. Sit down and have a talk with him and explain to him that you care about how he feels but would like for him to get to know her. He's more likely to hear what you have to say if you approach him like an adult.

As Artlady said, parents just want to protect their children regardless of how old you are. So he probably just doesn't want you to get hurt or taken advantage of. Bring her around your family so they and you can get to know her better.

It sounds as though you have known her for about 6 months or so, correct? You're wise to take things slowly... see how they progress.

Certainly you will be spending time with her and the baby when they return, and this would be a perfect time to have them get to know your family members and spend some time together. Babies often have a way of bringing people together, so hopefully it will be the same in your situation... :)

Smart to old off on any signing of the birth certificate or taking on the role of "dad" for a time. If it is going to work out for you, that will happen along the way naturally.

By not rushing into a parenting role, your father will see that you are thinking this through, and that you aren't jumping into anything out of feeling swayed by her, or a sense of duty.