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-   Writing (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/forumdisplay.php?f=361)
-   -   My thoughts? & your opinion; (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=338986)

  • Apr 7, 2009, 04:41 PM
    kaboom1122
    My thoughts? & your opinion;
    you found me

    You know me

    You showed me;



    Now I'm lost

    With no one to talk to

    And with nothing to prove;



    It's a lonely night

    & all I have is the sound of the falling rain drops

    & a picture I hold to remember who I am;



    I never knew

    I never knew

    That all I needed was to tell you the truth;



    I miss the sound of your voice

    I miss the rush on your skin

    & I miss the still of the silence

    As I breathe out & you breathe in;



    I wish I could walk on water

    If I could tell you what's next

    Make you believe

    Then make you forget.
  • Apr 7, 2009, 04:43 PM
    Sunflowers

    I like it
  • Apr 7, 2009, 04:51 PM
    mudweiser
    In my opinion it lacks depth, I can't find the structure of the poem [if there is any], and sounds like most teen poems.

    Sorry if that seemed harsh.

    MRS.S
  • Apr 7, 2009, 05:12 PM
    kaboom1122
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Sunflowers View Post
    I like it

    Thankyouu
  • Apr 7, 2009, 05:20 PM
    kaboom1122
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by mudweiser View Post
    In my personal opinion it lacks depth, I can't find the structure of the poem [if there is any], and sounds like most teen poems.

    Sorry if that seemed harsh.

    MRS.S

    Um thank you but no it does not have a structure or rhythm, like I said its my "thoughts" & feelings!
  • Apr 7, 2009, 05:24 PM
    mudweiser
    Well it's great that your writing down your thoughts or whatever feelings you have especially with the situation your going/gone through stated on your previous thread.

    MRS.S
  • Apr 8, 2009, 07:34 AM
    redhed35

    Hey,first time I read it,I thought it was missing something,the emotion was there but it was not powerful...

    I read it again,out loud.. I got it.
    I liked it.

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