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Hello all,
Basically I am 18 years old, and I have started seeing this new girl.
She is sexually experienced and I am not.
Every time we are kissing 'and stuff' in our rooms, I almost every time nearly or do ejaculate and have to stop. I get sexually excited way too quickly and I'm pretty sure its not right.
I want to have sex with her but I'm afraid I won't even be able to hold back from ejaculating before we even start!
Its really frustrating me!
Masturbate before sex.You are young enough that you should be able to ejaculate twice in a short period.
Here is a good article that will give you added info.
Stop premature ejaculation - last longer in sex - halt coming too quickly !
I agree... masturbate before sex. Also slow down if you need to. Let her know you're a beginner, if she really cares about you she will not judge and work with you.
It's very normal for young men, regardless of experience, to want to or to actually ejaculate quickly early on in a sexual relationship. You can masturbate earlier in the day to help ease the tension. Also, if you do ejaculate soon into sex with your partner, know that the game is hardly over! Keep stimulating her and bring her to orgasm. Sometime during that play you'll be back in the game and ready to go again.
The key is to learn where your point of no return is. Once you know how far you can go before you loose control you'll be able to bring yourself to that point then take a break, go down on her or something to allow yourself to calm down then go a bit more. After a while you'll be able to go for longer between your breaks.
Nothing wrong with being super horny... but learn to control yourself...
Masturbate before being with this girl.. also learn to control it... mastrubate and when you feel you are about to come stop... then let the sensation go away then keep mastrubating.. do that a couple times. That will give you more control... Hope it helps!
Cheers for the responses guys, really appreciate the advice!
The cure for premature ejaculation is called the stop start method. It worked for me.
What you do is you must masturbate for 15 minutes without ejaculating. When you feel you are about to stop moving wait for the feeling to subside then continue. Do not do masturbate everyday, skip one day between exercise and not more than once per day.
The goal is to help you find your point of no return and help control it, take deep breath when you are close to will help the control. Also when you masterbate concentrating on your genitals will help you to learn the feeling and enjoy it, this will train your mind that it is OK to be excited without ejaculating. The control is all in your mind. Also when masturbating do not think about yourself but think of your partners orgasm.
When you feel you have learn some control, the next step would be not to stop when you are about to ejaculate but to slow down the movement. At the beginning you will be almost stop but it will get better. Once there, when you have sex with your partner and you feel close, you need to stop breathe deeply and start, if your partner ask what is wrong just tell that she excites you a lot and that you are not ready yet and you want to make love to her all nigth, sounds corny but it lets her know you are there for her.
Basicelly this took me about 3 months to somewhat cure, now two years later it is very easy for me to control and it is great. So try this and don't give up, the rewards are worth it. Don't get discouraged and give up, also don't get upset with yourself if in the exercise you before the 15 minutes, just enjoy your orgasm and tell yourself it will be better next time.
Masterbating before sex will not help
I think you need to keep clear head, and well slow it down, in your mind, don't think about what's happening, but think calmly, and you will see the difference.
You are getting good answers. Along with those suggestions:
Don't judge yourself about what you are experiencing or give it meaning; instead recognize that it is very common in young men. It doesn't mean anything about you except that you get very excited by her, and that you are at your hormonal prime.
You might feel frustrated, but don't let yourself get angry at yourself. The solution to this problem is very pleasant, so concentrate on the solution.
You have to make a judgment call concerning how much information about your process she needs to know and how much is too much. As the relationship develops, you can share more, but you don't want your problem to become her problem to solve. That can kill a relationship. So think and be selective, but don't hide.
You can tell her that you are working on managing your energy better when having sex with her. Invite her to learn with you how you can linger in a "near-climax zone" either by holding off your climax or by prolonging yours and hers, or by both approaches. Then, you can play with figuring out how you can best do this. Make it fun.
In love making, when you feel that you are about to ejaculate, try taking a huge breath and imagine that you are drawing your energy back from your genitals into your core. Stop humping and withdraw your body and mind from your passion-driven obsession with her, and take a moment for self management. When you calm down, go back into action. Just don't wait until it's too late. Some people, when practicing this, imagine they are drawing their sexual energy up the spine as they inhale, but that involves esoteric practices that require study.
If you sit with her straddling you, and with you inside of her, you can breathe together, relax together, open up to each other, and stay on the climactic edge together. Don't hump; just open up. You can then feel a heart-to-heart connection which is different from your genital urge. Embracing more of each other than the just sexual part makes the experience more complete, and more sustainable. Just hold her and breathe, and let yourself get comfortable being that intimate. Among many other benefits, you will learn to be there without popping your cork.
Remember that she can have multiple orgasms and hers can last a lot longer than yours, so lingering around climaxing is natural for her body. She might have ideas and instincts that you would be wise to follow.
There is a whole body of knowledge that includes prolonging or transmuting orgasm, and goes far beyond, called tantra. A quick web search on tantra yoga will give you 1,000 ways to approach it.
Hello Pianoman215,
I agree with the responses above. You should masterbate earlier that day before you are going to be making out with your girlfriend. Also the above advice about knowing what YOUR personal point of NO RETURN is - is a really important comment. Learn or try to figure out how much you can do before your body will explode. Can you redirect your thoughts (mental focus) to something other than sex? Something boring like school or work, or something unpleasant?
You are not alone. Good luck with this and just keep working at it.
I have the same fears as you, and I'm up front and honest to my partners, even a girl I've just started dating, I haven't slept with her yet, but I've told her that there could be a false start, and a bit of captain quick syndrome at the 1st time... Its something different people have different ways of coping with, I tend not to have sex out of a relationship, so its usually a fair time gap between having sex. Talk to her, make a subtle joke about it... That's what I do, it works... Don't know about masterbating before sex though, prefer the excitement and to be full of energy when I do it... but, the first time you sleep with someone new it won't be great, it takes a while to work out what you both like etc...
Anyone agree?
Or pat butcher... works for me... gets me calm in miniseconds!Quote:
Originally Posted by Bonnie46
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