Ask Me Help Desk - Evil step mom

I am writing because I have an evil step mom. I know you are all thinking that I must be irrational, but any other step parents out there will agree that it is women like this one that gives them such a bad name, and they get the flack for people like her.

My little brother and I live at home. If she has a problem with us she sends our father to attack us either verbally or physically. Last night he tried to strangle us both.

We were not even in the house all weekend, yet Sunday night we got blamed for them being stressed. I had had my car broken into Friday night, spenty Saturday down the police station and come home Sunday to this crap.

Neither my brother or I are allowed any friends over to the house, yet her son and her can have people over whenever they want.
She has got rid of every single one of my dads friends so he is alone and without support, we do not want to leave as then he will have no one, but she is making him attack us in order to distance him from his own family so she can control him 100%.
Plus it is our family home, that we all lived in happily together before her. She has a really bad reputation around here, as she is a known gold digger.
We try to talk to dad about this but he doesn't listen to reason, although they both admit that her son is allowed friends but we are not. He is completely sucked in by her and will always take her side.

How do we sort this out? All my brother and I want is to not be beaten up physically or verbally and be allowed some friends over occasionally. And before you ask, no we can't go and live with our mum as she committed suicide when we were little.
Can anyone offer us any help whatsoever?

Any time you are physcially attacked, call the police ro report the abuse to your teacher.

I agree with Fr Chuck.

If your dad attacks you again physically, tell a teacher or call the police.

Actually to get the ball rolling, you should talk to a counselor at school. They'll get the necessary people involved and you won't be dealing with any backlash when you get home. The Department of Social Services will be given the information and you and your brother will constantly be monitored in the family. You may also want to look into becoming emancipated. Whatever you do, tell. Oh, and I am a "wicked step-mother too!"

It depends how old are you if your old enough go to the police and ask to go to a foster parent

Quote:

Originally Posted by kat_d9152

i am writing because i have an evil step mom. I know you are all thinking that i must be irrational, but any other step parents out there will agree that it is women like this one that gives them such a bad name, and they get the flack for people like her.

My little brother and i live at home. if she has a problem with us she sends our father to attack us either verbally or physically. Last night he tried to strangle us both.

We were not even in the house all weekend, yet sunday night we got blamed for them being stressed. I had had my car broken into friday night, spenty saturday down the police station and come home sunday to this crap.

Neither my brother or i are allowed any friends over to the house, yet her son and her can have people over whenever they want.
She has got rid of every single one of my dads friends so he is alone and without support, we do not want to leave as then he will have noone, but she is making him attack us in order to distance him from his own family so she can control him 100%.
Plus it is our family home, that we all lived in happily together before her. She has a really bad reputation around here, as she is a known gold digger.
We try to talk to dad about this but he doesnt listen to reason, although they both admit that her son is allowed friends but we are not. He is completely sucked in by her and will always take her side.

How do we sort this out? All my brother and i want is to not be beaten up physically or verbally and be allowed some friends over occassionally. and before you ask, no we can't go and live with our mum as she committed suicide when we were little.
Can anyone offer us any help whatsoever?

Dear Kat_d9152

I am so up set to hear this I hope your step mum gets help that's not on.

Send your dad in to attack you and your brother.

If it happen again tell him this.

Don't bull us we a not dogs we are your children

Listen to us.

Get help.

The reason why I am telling you this is because if it happen again you or your brother might not be here.

If your dad needs the help sent me an email I will give you a number to call.

I hope this works

Hi Kat-

Well, first I'm a stepmom too and I am sure sometimes my kids might think I'm evil as well. My first instict is that it is HARD to be a stepmom, but it really sounds like this is a bad situation for you and that you need some outside help to deal with it. I don't know where you live, but I am sure that there are local services available to you. Look up the Victims' Assistance organization in your area. They often provide free counseling and programs for both kids and parents. Maybe if your dad and stepmom realize that you want this to work and for things to get better, they might be willing to participate in some of these programs. We have, and it has been a very positive experience.

If all else fails, just make sure that you stay safe and talk with someone about your feelings. Maybe you could invite your dad out for breakfast one weekend - just the two of you - and have a private talk about your feelings.

Hope this helps a little.

You need to call the cops the very next time run away with your brother take some change and defently call 911 I am not kidding this could get serious so please call the next time it happens

Quote:

Originally Posted by kat_d9152

i am writing because i have an evil step mom. I know you are all thinking that i must be irrational, but any other step parents out there will agree that it is women like this one that gives them such a bad name, and they get the flack for people like her.

My little brother and i live at home. if she has a problem with us she sends our father to attack us either verbally or physically. Last night he tried to strangle us both.

We were not even in the house all weekend, yet sunday night we got blamed for them being stressed. I had had my car broken into friday night, spenty saturday down the police station and come home sunday to this crap.

Neither my brother or i are allowed any friends over to the house, yet her son and her can have people over whenever they want.
She has got rid of every single one of my dads friends so he is alone and without support, we do not want to leave as then he will have noone, but she is making him attack us in order to distance him from his own family so she can control him 100%.
Plus it is our family home, that we all lived in happily together before her. She has a really bad reputation around here, as she is a known gold digger.
We try to talk to dad about this but he doesnt listen to reason, although they both admit that her son is allowed friends but we are not. He is completely sucked in by her and will always take her side.

How do we sort this out? All my brother and i want is to not be beaten up physically or verbally and be allowed some friends over occassionally. and before you ask, no we can't go and live with our mum as she committed suicide when we were little.
Can anyone offer us any help whatsoever?

I was in a simillar situation however I ranaway and was terrified to go bak home so they put me into care, it made my mum realise just how much I was hurting my social worker made my mum see me every week and wed have a good time without my evil step dad being there I know it seems odd but I would rather of left there knowing I wasn't going to get beaten up everyday! There were a few times were my step dad made my mum not see me and it hurt but then I was safe! Let me know how you are doing?
Jemz

I wish I had an answer. But I am dealing with the same problem myself. He married her, I don't understand why I have to love her. I have tried for 5 years. And now I am a freshman in college and my dad thinks I am the worst person on earth for not being her number 1 fan. Some parents need a serious wake up call.

Do you not have grandparents that can step in. I moved in with mine on my mom's side of the family. My mother pasted away also. As for my Dad he is still with her.

It's a terrible situation you are in, and as others have said please do seek help from the police or someone at school. I kept waiting for you to make the case for the evils of your stepmom, but found myself more in disgust with the behavior of your physically abusive father. It's clear that the dysfunction runs deep, and likely the stepmother's presence creates a perceived imbalance in your relationship with your father, though it's clear from your description that the father is the one doing the physical abuse, and that is a legal matter, and the first matter that needs addressing.

Stepfamilies are challenging, and typically step parents serve as convenient scapegoats for anything perceived as negative in the relationship between the parent and biological child. It is much simpler to blame them because they are perceived as outsiders, rather than to deal with the obvious problems and dysfunction in that parent / child relationship. I am not saying that this is true for you, but counseling would certainly address the question of why you see this as an evil stepmom issue and not an abusive father issue. You seem to paint your father as a victim, when he needs to be held accountable for his deplorable conduct.

I wish you well and hope you will get the help you need.

There are a few different issues here, hon. First, I agree with the others - if your father is physically abusing you and/or your brother, you need to get out of that household. Is living with your mother an option? Talk to your school counselor, a neighbor, your doctor - any adult you trust.

Second, know that nobody can "make" your father be abusive to you. He is an adult and if he is taking his hands to you and your brother, that is his action. You need to hold him accountable for it.

Third, your step mother may feel that it is not her place to discipline you or engage in disagreements with you. She may feel that it's your father's job, and that you will view her as trying to "be your mom" if she tells you to follow a house rule, etc.

You also need to be willing to work for a peace treaty here, and not necessarily to "win". Relationships are complex and maybe you should try a different technique. Ask your step mother how she would like things to be. Tell her you want to meet in the middle, and that you want to stop arguing. If she doesn't hae the maturity to do it, that's another issue, but try.

As for having friends over and stuff, that's kind of their domain. I think it's stupid depending on who your friends are, when you want them there, and things like that. ARe they respectful? Do your father and his wife approve of them? Is there a history of misbehavior when they've been there? Are you getting good grades?

Quote:

Originally Posted by kat_d9152

i am writing because i have an evil step mom. I know you are all thinking that i must be irrational, but any other step parents out there will agree that it is women like this one that gives them such a bad name, and they get the flack for people like her.

My little brother and i live at home. if she has a problem with us she sends our father to attack us either verbally or physically. Last night he tried to strangle us both.

We were not even in the house all weekend, yet sunday night we got blamed for them being stressed. I had had my car broken into friday night, spenty saturday down the police station and come home sunday to this crap.

Neither my brother or i are allowed any friends over to the house, yet her son and her can have people over whenever they want.
She has got rid of every single one of my dads friends so he is alone and without support, we do not want to leave as then he will have noone, but she is making him attack us in order to distance him from his own family so she can control him 100%.
Plus it is our family home, that we all lived in happily together before her. She has a really bad reputation around here, as she is a known gold digger.
We try to talk to dad about this but he doesnt listen to reason, although they both admit that her son is allowed friends but we are not. He is completely sucked in by her and will always take her side.

How do we sort this out? All my brother and i want is to not be beaten up physically or verbally and be allowed some friends over occassionally. and before you ask, no we can't go and live with our mum as she committed suicide when we were little.
Can anyone offer us any help whatsoever?

Where is your mother?

Sweetie - it's not YOUR job to protect your dad... it's HIS job to protect you. I understand your loyalty to him, but your safety needs to come first - and he's turning into someone other than your support and safety net.

Calling social services can be scary - so talking to the school nurse or counselor will help you. Unfortunatelly, your father can't help you right now, so it's up to you to TELL someone that can change things. Your father will have an opportunity to change how things turn out - he can work towards getting custody of you back again - what Child Protective Services will do is have him take classes and get counseling and through that, he will have an opportunity to see what you have been going through and what behaviors HE needs to change. You will be able to visit with him, but until it's safe to go back, you will be placed in a safe environment.

This is not how you are intended to live - you deserve to be safe in your home and not treated like the cast out child - you've done nothing wrong.

Please don't allow this to continue... talk to an adult so you can breathe again without worrying.

You and your brother are in my thoughts and prayers ~

I think you should, without your evil stepmom knowing, talk to your dad.
If that doesn't work you need to call the cops or tell your teacher.

-a

I think that stepmthers are the worst thing that can ever happened to us. I know because I had a stepmother that I don't like at all because I her my dad kick my old bother out of the house and because I that he is dead

Quote:

Originally Posted by nini2010

i think that stepmthers are the worst thing that can ever happend to us. i know because i had a stepmother that i dont like at all because i her my dad kick my old bother out of the house and because i that he is dead

No activity on this thread for a couple of years.:eek: Check the dates first :D

Denial isn't just a river in Egypt hmm? Yes father in denial, stepmother has nothing but the best interest in mind for kids that she didn't carry in her belly? Hmmm. I smell BS. It is natural to side with your biological mother, but as long as you aren't instigating -physical or verbally...

GET OUT OF THAT HOUSE. It's conflicting turning in your blood father or mother, but if you are in physical danger. Run, and go stay with a friend! Physical Abuse is wrong, as is Mental abuse. I'm going to tell you my story. Yes it's slanted. It's my side of the story.

Later on as you get older, don't give people that abuse you "Free Rent". It will be hard, as I went through it and others that never did don't understand. How do you erase abusive memories? How do you try to salvage one relationship and ignore the other persons poison, or phsysical attack?

You don't have to love her. I am a stepdaughter to an unbelievable materialistic woman who treated me and my brother like the live in maids, where only she and her kids of her former marriage were entitled to fathers support, money, spoils.

I was 7 or 8 when she hooked by dad by offering free babysitting during dad and mom's divorce. In fact my mother entrusted her as my little brother's teacher in preschool right before :-/ Stepmom was desperate, her husband walked out on her with her 2 young boys.

She was particularly threatened by me, the eldest daughter, as I resemble the ex wife. On some level earlier on in their marriage, she was so threatened by me, that I was the target of her hate, and became the scapegoat

After some time and thought, I realized how she must have felt... as I will always be his daughter, and she can end up divorced and out of the picture.

Being that it's the holiday season again, it brings back memories of how much she would deny me and my brother and use my father for money to spoil her 2 kids from a prior marriage. My fathers is very well off. When I was younger and even in college when I brought up how selfish and greedy she was about dad's money, she would accuse me of badgering my father. From the time I was 9 yrs old and onward. I started my own business to buy clothes for school, as somehow there was never enough money to buy me what I needed. But wow, she seemed to be able to afford 20-30 expensive lingere outfits, and enough shoes to make Imelda Marcos green with envy. I started my own business cleaning homes at 11 or 12, and looking back I wish I had reported my father's non action by letting my stepmom run things as she did.

She would then go around saying that she doesn't owe me anything, and that "she wears the pants in the family...etc." Even her weirdo son starting going around bragging that my father's house is his. Unbelieveably tacky. And ballsy! I still to this day don't take imtimidation. I'll never be anyone's doormat.

She then had the balls to rub it in our faces constantly of how good she has it. Not having to work at all. That's weird. Why did she need all that and had a hard time sharing? Commercialism. Its our culture. Must have more sh**

After all, she had me and my brother to do the housework for her.
Cinderella complex my ***. I am sorry to say that R. Kipling is right, the female of the species IS more deadly than the male!

After 20 years I still can't stand her poisonous influence on me and my brother.
Actually she rather looks like Angelica Houston in "Everafter"... However nowadays I don't let her push my buttons anymore. I have to tolerate her to see dad. Oh, and I won't let her have a conversation with me unless there is a witness present. Sad. I'm not 8 yrs old and naïve anymore to her poisonality. I see right through her.

Funny thing is my ditzy stepmom thinks that she & kids are soOOooo entitled to my dad$ money and I'm just squeezed out by HER badgering and pushing my buttons. I guess she's the worlds worst lawyer too. Probate law in that state agrees with me too. I can't wait to see the look on her face. Ok so maybe I had to vent. But be wise kids about getting in to tit 4 tats with step mom/dads.

I would like to know how old you are, since you have your own vehicle, if you are 18 or older it would be wise to leave with your brother and file a police report. If you are under 18 you need to talk to your teachers.