Ask Me Help Desk

My husband and I used to have sex 2-3 times a day and now all of a sudden this past week we started foreplay and he couldn't get an erection. I am positive it is not a medical problem. He tells me I am beautiful and that he loves me but I don't know what is going on and he says he doesn't either. He is gone off and on with the military and when he is home he takes care of the house and kids. We just had a baby 3 months ago and this is his first child. I have 3 from my previous relationship. I work full time and he is basically a stay at home dad (under his choice) unless he is out of town with the military which is 2-3 weeks per month. Does anyone have an idea what it may be? I am actually smaller than I was before I got pregnant so I know it's not weight either. :confused:

Hi, does he seemed depressed?maybe he is under stress. This can also cause a problem with sexual disfunctional.Ask him and found out, so you both can found out what the real problem is and resolve it.

I did ask him and he said it wasn't me but couldn't explain. I offered to give him a prescription for anti depressants but he doesn't want them. He is getting deployed this summer and I went back to work full time which entails me to travel and I know in the past he was worried I was messing around because I would get emails or text messages from past boyfriends and he has access to all my passwords, etc. I told him just because they call doesn't mean I respond. I don't know if this is worrying him and I even gave up going out with my girlfriends for girls night out.

Wow! So any things can be involved in here.
Reintegration into the home routines and all can be very different than what is accustomed during military routine.
You state that you're certain it's not "medically" related. How so?
Stress can appear during interactions long after some of the events that can cause the stress.
You should consider counceling. I know it sound hoky and all, but, if you can't figure this out amongst the two of you, you might need someone that can help steer your message.
Who knows? He may be able to get things off his chest, too.

My husband has been in the service for 22 years and he is actually home a lot more now than before. I know it's not a physiological issue but maybe you all are right in saying a psychological one. I would like the opinion of a man who can possibly explain what my husband may be thinking or feeling. We were once best friends and are sometimes distant. He says he doesn't want a divorce. So now what?

I might know what the problem is that is if its not a medical condition. Im not a doctor of course. Sometimes if guys are stressed or over worked that will cause him to have problems with him having an erection. I used to be a stay at home mom.
My suggestion would be to try to take a weekend off. Leave on Friday night even if its just a weekend in a nice motel close by. Pack like your leaving town what ever you do don't go back to the house. Take the Friday night and just use the time to relax. Watch a movie in the room, if there is a jacuzzi or hot tub sit in that for a little bit hold each other and reconnect. Sleep together cuddled on the bed for the night. Then the next day eat breakfast in the room together, go to to dinner at a place where you won't know anyone, check out a movie or even if the hotel has a pool get in there together and play like 30minutes before it closes. Then when you go back to the room that night try to be intimate again. Be slow and steady about it.
I know with kids it can be hard to find time to get away for the weekend. If your relationship means a lot to you'll find time even if its pretend at the house with the kids gone for a night. Just show him that you miss that part of that personal moments that you two shared. Remind him that you find him attractive and he is wanted.
Sometimes you have to make him think about it all day. Get him to look forward to being with you. Sent him cute little texts like wish I was there or even a cheesy, "what are you wearing" works. Your if your sitting next to each other put your hand on his thigh or when you walk by brush his hand softly with yours. Good luck sweetie;)

Quote:

Originally Posted by armywife69

my husband and i used to have sex 2-3 times a day and now all of a sudden this past week we started foreplay and he couldn't get an erection. i am positive it is not a medical problem. he tells me i am beautiful and that he loves me but i dont know what is going on and he says he doesn't either. he is gone off and on with the military and when he is home he takes care of the house and kids. we just had a baby 3 months ago and this is his first child. i have 3 from my previous relationship. i work full time and he is basically a stay at home dad (under his choice) unless he is out of town with the military which is 2-3 weeks per month. does anyone have an idea what it may be? i am actually smaller than i was before i got pregnant so i know it's not weight either. :confused:

Stress, depression, anxiety, fear, overy bearing thoughts, worries of any sort. All these things have negative effects on ones sex life.

Areas that affect erections if you have a disease are, heart and circulatory system, and you may want to look into vascular pathology.

This is a bit odd, but I guess 35% of men who have diabetes have erectile difficulties. Erectil difficulites can be an early sign of Diabetes. (I doubt its this, but you asked about it, I might as well give you what I know.)

It can also be about bordom, no not with you, but maybe you've been in a rutine and need to spice it up a bit. Trade fantacies and play one one day and another the next. You may already be doing so, but I don't really know so forgive me if I'm going over old news.

OK, best of luck to you.

P.S. One more thing, it's his first child and if he was there during the birthing, some men have a hard time with those kinds of things. Especailly if it's their first... Maybe worth looking into.

Quote:

Originally Posted by armywife69

my husband has been in the service for 22 years and he is actually home alot more now than before. i know it's not a physiological issue but maybe you all are right in saying a psychological one. i would like the opinion of a man who can possibly explain what my husband may be thinking or feeling. we were once best friends and are sometimes distant. he says he doesn't want a divorce. so now what?

I suggest if he won't talk to you, then he should go to a counseler. How is he other than the erectil difficulites? How old is he? Has he has his prostate checked? The list goes on. Even if we can't see any physical signs, our bodies can be damaged, or working hard to keep up.

Back to getting profetional help, it's important to find ways to let go of any tramatic stress we experience. I've read that the body can hold stress for up to one year, and we just keep piling it on. How is his general mood other wise?

On to he doesn't want a divorce, but do you?

How old are you both?

Thanks, I know it's not medical (I am a cardiologist) and he just had another exam as well as we did IVF to have the baby so his prostate was thoroughly checked! We tried again this morning and he still could not make it happen but when I was cooking dinner he got one so I know he can. I guess I just need advice on how to be tact in asking what the problem is since I am definitely the dominant one.