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How can I fall in love with my husband again? He is a good man, but I get nothing from him. He doesn't make me feel special in any way. Even though over and over he knows what I like because I show him. Now I feel its to late. I have lost it and have no desire to waste time on someone who can't bother to get to know me.
Hi, 88sunflower!
Have you sat down with him an discussed the way that you feel with him? I presume that you have, but just in case you haven't, I wanted to make sure.
Thanks!
Try to recreate the romance of your early relationship. I know it takes some effort, but maybe if he is reminded of how/why he fell in love with you, he will start to be more romantic.
Tell him that you wish you felt closer to him.
Try couples counseling. If he will not go with you, go alone. Maybe if he sees you are serious about it, he will be more willing to join you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 88sunflower
How old are you, and how long have you been married?
The only positive thing you have said about him is that he is a good man.
Everything else is about you. You get nothing from him, he doesn't make you feel special, even though, over and over as you say, he knows what you like, because you show him.
Isn't that a bit materialistic and unrealistic, or am I reading this wrong.
What do you do, to make him feel special. Are you kind, considerate, loving and committed to your marriage? Have you talked to him? What have you done to make your marriage happy.
You say you are wasting time on someone who can't bother to get to know you. Perhaps he feels the same way with your impression of him. If what you've said so far is any indication, maybe he thinks that you are impossible to please?
No marriage is perfect, and after the honeymoon, reality sets in, and it is a tremendous amount of hard work and communication. To end a relationship for the reasons you stated, sounds very shallow to me.
If you are not happy, and you feel there is no hope for him to live up to your expectations, your goals and his goals for the marriage are likely in two different ballparks.
Do you want to fall in love with him because he is a good man and worth the effort, or do you want to fall in love with someone who can provide you with material things without substance.
In my opinion, the two of you need to figure out if there is enough common ground to stay together, and if there isn't, both of you need to seek more suitable partners.
Right now you and your husband have to take baby steps to restore your marriage. A pyramid wasn't build over night but with strong communication, devotion, patience, and love everything would be okay.
What were things like when you first met? What attracted you to each other? What did you do on your first date? What kinds of things did you do for fun? Do you still do any of these things? Most couples find this kind of reminiscing enjoyable and enlightening. It reminds you that at one time you had some pretty great feelings for one another. This step can be an attempt to regain an appetite or desire for the relationship.
I know the two of you have a child together so you can do things as a family and plan things for just the two of you but above all communicate your feeling to him in a positive way.
Both men and women are looking for the same things -- connection, intimacy and love. But the ways they go about meeting these needs are different.
How do you talk to him?If you find that your husband isn't fullfilling your wants express it to him but don't start your sentences with a negative like "You never, why don't you", etc. Say positive things like "I like when you, or I would appreciate it if you", etc. Guys listen and response more when you say things like that.
Also, asking gets the ball rolling. By being specific and positive about what you need and expressing appreciation for his efforts, you make it easy for him. This will motivate him to continue making romantic gestures -- and eventually, he'll think of them on his own.
Me and my fiancé write coupons book for one another. Some of the coupons say things like "free massage, dinner for two, foot rub, etc". The good thing about this idea is that it gives you a chance to be creative.
Remember above all you and your husband have to be friends too so no matter what make time for talk and romance. You and your family have a trip coming up so enjoy it and take advantage on rebuilding your marriage and bond.
From an earlier post by the OP.
Until that stops distracting you, you will never give this marriage the full attention it needs, nor have healthy options to pursue.Quote:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/marria...an-328360.html
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ue-338539.html
Its not his issues that are important, but yours. You look for love in all the wrong places and the wrong ways and hurt yourself by running from your REAL issues, what to do about your marriage. Cheating is not the answer, as now you can't even relate to your married lover.
Your solution is to stop cheating.
Only you can make yourself happy and as you have expressed in your other posts, cheating on your husband for 3 years, hasn't made you happy either, but adds to the mass confusion you have for yourself.
One step at a time, quit cheating, and face the reality of your own marriage first.
I know for a fact, it will be a long healing process to get over the damage done by your married lover, but there can be no more short cuts to be happy with yourself.
Only then can you make a good decision about your marriage, and how to proceed, and whether to go, or stay.
It really is how you go about dealing with yourself, and stop being dependent on anyone else to make you happy.
We are leaving in the morning with our son for a short vacation. Pray for me it goes well!! I am hoping it's a step in the right direction.
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