Ask Me Help Desk - My ex-husband just died

My ex-husband just died

My ex-husband just died and he had physical custody of our children. Well I am needing to know if his mother can keep the children from me? I am a great mother and take great care of the children on the weekends when they are here with me. My husband wants us to have them. We have been planning to take the father to court to try to get custody of them and now we are afraid that the grandmother is going to try to keep the children from us. Can anyone help me and give me some advice on what to do?
Thank you

Are the children with you now ? The grandmother has no right to keep the children at this point. You ARE the legal parent.
Sorry for the loss and for the children to lose a parent. Depending on the state there may be grandparents rights which would mean that if they go through the courts at best they would get visitation.

Advice? Get an attorney. But you are their mother and have joint legal custody. You should now get full legal and physical custody.

Quote:

Originally Posted by califdadof3

Are the children with you now ? The grandmother has no right to keep the children at this point. You ARE the legal parent.
Sorry for the loss and for the children to lose a parent. Depending on the state there may be grandparents rights which would mean that if they go through the courts at best they would get visitation.

They were with me earlier, when the grandma came to tell them my son went with her. My daughter stayed with me and said that she wanted to live with me now. Then a little bit ago the grandma came back and picked up my daughter saying that the family wanted to see her. I am just afraid that she will not bring them back and will keep them from me. By the way we are in New Mexico. Thank you for your help.

Yoyu made a mistake by letting them go. But its not a big mistake. It just means you may have to go to court to affirm your custody. If you hadkeot them this would have forced the grandparents to go to court.

I would go pick them up/If the granparents refuse, tell them you don't want to go to court about this, but they are your kids and with the death of their father you are now the legal and responsible parent. Tell them you don't want to keep them from the granparents, but they will be living with you now.

If they refuse, then tell them they will be forcing you to go to court.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScottGem

Yoyu made a mistake by letting them go. But its not a big mistake. It just means you may have to go to court to affirm your custody. If you hadkeot them this would have forced the grandparents to go to court.

I would go pick them up/If the granparents refuse, tell them you don't want to go to court about this, but they are your kids and with the death of their father you are now the legal and responsible parent. Tell them you don't want to keep them from the granparents, but they will be living with you now.

If they refuse, then tell them they will be forcing you to go to court.

I think I would take a different approach. I understand the shock etc going on and the need for the grandmother to be clinging to the children. But in the end if you have your paperwork then you have the right to tell her to bring the children back right away and if she refuses to get the police involved. Don't allow yourself to be bullied even under these stressful times. I can understand not wanting to cause further upset but they are just going to have to realize that you're the one in control now not them. They currently have no legal standing. Also so long as your ex worked for a living your children are going to be entitled to survivior benefits from SSI. You are going to need copies of the death certificate etc to make your application and copies of the court records.

Quote:

Originally Posted by califdadof3

I think I would take a different approach.

I thought of getting the police involved if the grandparents don't return the kids. The only reason I didn't suggest it, is because I don't know what documentation the mother has that shows her with legal custody. I don't kniow if she has or can obtain copies of the death certificate since she is no longer next of kin. So I'm not sure how much the police will get involved.

I think it is imperative that she try to get the kids back immediately. And I wouldn't wait until she can get the proper documents that the police would require.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScottGem

I thought of getting the police involved if the grandparents don't return the kids. The only reason I didn't suggest it, is because I don't know what documentation the mother has that shows her with legal custody. I don't kniow if she has or can obtain copies of the death certificate since she is no longer next of kin. So I'm not sure how much the police will get involved.

I think it is imperative that she try to get the kids back immediately. And I wouldn't wait until she can get the proper documents that the police would require.

I believe all she would need is a copy of the court order for custody.

( OP quote ) I am a great mother and take great care of the children on the weekends when they are here with me. ( end quote )

Usually in most cases having weekend visitation as part of custody ( so long as its court ordered ) involves joint legal. That may not be the case and I could be making a giant leap.

Yes, what custody level do you have issued by court now, that is the first issue,

Why did you not have custody of the children.

But yes you need to be in court ASAP to get a court order givig you full custody.