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-   -   Am I wrong (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=337622)

  • Apr 3, 2009, 11:48 PM
    scaredoflonely
    Am I wrong
    Well I don't know what to do when I was 18 I lost my virginity to rape a year later I met a man who I thought would save me pretty dumb huh but then he raped and beat on my as soon as we got in engaged I was only 20 and then he killed himself because he raped me in front of his 4 and 6 yr old so when he passed out I left took the kids to his moms and he killed himself and left in a note it was my fault I don't mean to ramble but I put all this in the back of my head until the guy that I was with for 2 years after that slept with my niece for a year and a half of the time we were together because I was beat up so many times I can't have kids he threw in my face he says that why he did we broke up sept 07 that so I ended up a having nervous breakdown on 12/17/07 and then I didn't date until I met charlie he was different so protective until dec 23 2008 when my neices boyfriend friend came over and was groping me I told him to stop and he pshed me in my room and I fought him for 45 minutes and no one came and helped me so I just gave in I didn't want to be forced again so I froze and covered my face and now charlie can't accept what happened he acts like he doesn't want to touch me and I need him more then anyone he's the only one who knows and he doesn't want to touch me I need to feel the good kind of love and I try to forget it I should be used to it by now but how do I get him to love me anymore how do I show him I need him more now then ever :( am I wrong am I expecting too much? Please help me
  • Apr 7, 2009, 05:28 AM
    Megan2345
    I have also been raped. I have been attracted to jerks because of father issues. What has helped me is trial and error and lots of therapy.
  • Apr 7, 2009, 05:51 AM
    artlady

    I am very sorry you have experienced so much trauma in your life.
    I think the best thing you can do is seek counseling and don't even consider having a relationship until you have come to terms with your past.

    No man or other person will ever save you.You must be self reliant and that is where therapy will help you.

    If you can not afford therapy ,there are many places that have support groups and they are free.

    If Charlie cannot accept what happened to you and understand why you just gave up and allowed( I know you did not allow it) this to happen,he is not a person you need in your life.At least,not at this time.

    You have been abused repeatedly and the best thing for you is to be in therapy,working on healing and making yourself a self reliant individual.

    Please call this number ,it is free and open 24/7 in the U.S. they can advice you on programs in your area where they have outreach programs for rape survivors.

    National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) .

    http://www.ndvh.org/
  • Apr 7, 2009, 06:32 AM
    nikosmom

    You have to seek treatment and get well first. Before you can even consider being in a relationship. You can't look to a relationship to "save" you or make you whole. Work on dealing with your past (lots of therapy because you've been through a lot), and once you're in a better place mentally, you will attract different people. Just know that none of this is your fault and you will need to rid yourself of anyone who places the blame upone you.
  • Apr 7, 2009, 06:47 AM
    artlady
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by nikosmom View Post
    You have to seek treatment and get well first. Before you can even consider being in a relationship. You can't look to a relationship to "save" you or make you whole. Work on dealing with your past (lots of therapy because you've been through a lot), and once you're in a better place mentally, you will attract different people. Just know that none of this is your fault and you will need to rid yourself of anyone who places the blame upone you.
    Had to spread the rep NM but I totally agree and this guy laying a guilt trip on her ,clearly does not understand the mindset of someone who has been habitually abused

    After a time,you do run out of the fight to save yourself and that is a very real backlash from chronic abuse.
  • Apr 13, 2009, 11:26 AM
    0rphan

    As previously stated you need to heal all the pain of the past before committing to any further relationship.
    Learn to love and respect yourself... if you go on without healing you will continue to attract the lowest form of life who will inevidibley abuse you again, no doubt telling you that he loves you etc...

    Break the chain by taking a different path this will prevent you from subconsciously attracting the same sort of man.

    You are worth more than this, there will be a special person out there for you, who will love you for who you are... it's not all about sex that's just the icing on the cake with the right person.

    Go seek out a counseller, get everything out in the open.. deal with it... then disgard it,it's passed, look forward not back.

    Goodluck
  • Apr 17, 2009, 12:52 AM
    mishelly3

    OMG girl my heart hurts for you you have been through so much trauma in your young little life. You need to something for you to make you whole again you need to see some one you have to talk to someone about all of this. You have been inprisoned by the pass time to break those chains and get some freedom and discover the wonderful woman that you are... My heart and prayers are with u
  • Apr 18, 2009, 02:21 PM
    lighterrr

    Same here and the road I think begins with counselling

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