Ask Me Help Desk - My boyfriend & I Never have SEX why?

My BF & I Never have SEX why?

My boyfriend of 4 years and I have not had sex in 5 months! I had a baby 3 months ago and he has not tried 2 have sex at all since! When I asked him why he said because he is scared to have another kid! My son was his 4th child! (which he originally did not want!) now I can understand that he doesn't want more children but I still can't believ he just could not want sex? Should I be worried and think maybe he is having sex with someone else?. he gives me no signs of cheating but I can't help but think it considering he doesn't ever try to have sex with me! Not only do we not have sex but he hardly sleeps in the bed with me! He says its because our bed hurts his back.. and that he doesn't want to sleep in the bed with the baby... but it just seems like another excuse to me to not be close to me! I feel like I am such a good girl and mother I stay home and cook dinner everynite.. also I am so faithful you would think that would turn him on and he would appreciate me! I feel like sex is never on his mind! Which is very odd! I am horny a lot so how could he not be?! I don't know what to do! I am very confused! I love him so much and I know he loves me because he is the type of person if he doesn't want to be with you he will tell u! So I just don't understand why he doesn't want to have sex! Could he really just be scared of having another child or is there more to this? Please help me understand! :(

Honey... how old ARE you?

Sex is not everything in a relationship, and frankly, with 4 kids I don't blame him for not wanting to risk another one.

Your baby shouldn't be sleeping in the bed with you anyway.

Stop being so needy. He's probably not cheating on you, but he probably IS sick of you NEEDING him.

Just being a good maid, nanny, and cook doesn't mean you're sexy. Work on your confidence, and on your ability to be something more than a sex object to your boyfriend.

PS--you won't keep a guy with sex alone. A new baby ALWAYS changes a relationship. Why not work on romance without sex for now?

Perhaps he should consider getting it fixed where he can not have any more kids, if he is sure.

But yes, if he did not want the fourth and it just happened, I can see him not wanting sex

Quote:

Originally Posted by Synnen

honey....how old ARE you?

Sex is not everything in a relationship, and frankly, with 4 kids I don't blame him for not wanting to risk another one.

Your baby shouldn't be sleeping in the bed with you anyway.

Stop being so needy. He's probably not cheating on you, but he probably IS sick of you NEEDING him.

Just being a good maid, nanny, and cook doesn't mean you're sexy. Work on your confidence, and on your ability to be something more than a sex object to your boyfriend.

PS--you won't keep a guy with sex alone. A new baby ALWAYS changes a relationship. Why not work on romance without sex for now?

What you said make sense!. I do need to stop needing him so much... but I miss us so much it hurts and it makes me feel very self conscious! As for keeping a man with sex... a far from! Our relationship has never been a sex relationship... but we at least use to do it once a week! He has never been a man who is crazy about sex all the time.. but he at least use to make an effort! I never want to be a sex object... but I do have a sex drive!.

P.s I am 23 and he is 29 about to be 30

I totally agree with Synnen on this one.

Why don't you get an IUD? Maybe it'll make him feel "safer". I really recommend it. I have it and to tell you the truth I couldn't be happier, I don't have a pill to worry about or a condom breaking.

I have the Copper IUD, my periods are normal they have not changed, I do not have cramps with them either- maybe I am one of the lucky ones but there is also the Mirena IUD.

Here is more info about it:

Plastic/Mirena IUD: Sexual Health: Birth Control: Mirena IUD (inter-uterine device)
Copper IUD: Intrauterine Contraceptive Device (The Copper IUD) | Contraceptive Methods | Contraception | Adults | sexualityandu.ca - Your Link to Sexual Well-Being

MRS.S

Tell him to get a vasectomy. He won't have to ever worry about more kids, and you all can have sex. If that's the reason, he will happily go along with it.

Why should her BOYFRIEND get snipped when its HER with four kids?

Quote:

Originally Posted by smoothy

Why should her BOYFRIEND get snipped when its HER with four kids?

As I understand it, HE is the one who has four kids with different women. The OP just had one of them, the fourth one.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

As I understand it, HE is the one who has four kids with different women. The OP just had one of them, the fourth one.

Ok... perhaps I misunderstood WHO had the kids... if HE has the 4 kids then by all means its time HE got snipped.

Quote:

Originally Posted by smoothy

why should her boyfriend get snipped when its her with four kids?

Read again.. this is his 4th kid! Only my first!! Thank u

He always expressed why he doesn't want to have sex. So the next best thing is for your to talk it up and come up with some ways to prevent pregnancy. His getting snipped might help but all guys isn't for that but giving his situation and stance on the issue he should but it is his choice.

Maybe the two of you can have oral sex? Just another idea throw out there.

I two agree with Synnen on this one when she saids sex isn't everything and all her other points.

Maybe you should invest in a vibrator for the time being to help you with your sexual fix.

Your boyfriend explain to you why he isn't doing things and you need to listen. He isn't sleeping with you because the baby does and he doesn't want an accident. As a new mom I can understand your excitement of having a child but please let the baby sleep alone because that is the safetiest and best way a baby should sleep. If the baby is sleeping with you I hope you have the new things they have available for the baby to sleep in if they sleep on the bed.