Ask Me Help Desk - Strange situation. Don't know who is being cheated

My girlfriend (well, maybe ex) did something really terrible. She was in an on/off relationship with me and finally I was tired of it and told her that we should not talk anymore. However, because we still didn't have any bad blood, two weeks later, she tried contacting me, and I was almost waiting for her to make the first move. I decided to call her back, and we met. Since then, things were going almost fine, we were hanging out.. going for nice dinners, and also had sex (although I could sense an inner conflict).

Here comes the bomb.. yesterday she was with me, and we were having a pretty good time. Later she went to take a shower, and I decided to check her cellphone records (I know its wrong, but I was very bothered by the inner conflict and was sensing another man). Bingo.. I see txt message exchanges with another guy and tonnes of incoming and outgoing calls (trivia- I had actually given that hi-fi cellphone to her as a christmas gift).

So, she comes out of the shower, and I confronted her. She immediately dropped on the bed like a dead bird and cried her heart out. Of course I was shattered and I asked her why did she break my heart and why is she cheating on her new boyfriend with me?

She had no answers, she said that she doesn't know what happened to her. She did stupid things, broke my heart and she is also hurting him by being with me... for three hours she cried and later went back home.

Today morning, she called me, and told me that she has told everything to her new boyfriend and she doesn't expect to be with him anymore. And she just wants to be alone.

So simple question - She kept me telling that I am such a wonderful person that she didn't have courage to tell me about it. I don't understand..

Just try giving her some time. It seems she is creating problems and now has make difficult decisions because of her actions. In the mean time, you should try dating other girls. Thinking about her and the fact that she wants to be alone, will only make it worse for you. You could be waiting for her forever, and she may not come around. She is confused, stuck, and worried. Just try being a friend to her and not think about the relationship you had. That would make a world of difference for her. I know that if I was going through that kind of problem, I would want somebody to talk to, and sometimes, girlfriends just don't cut it. In the meantime, Talk to her but try dating other girls... there is somebody out there for everybody. You desereve at least THAT much ;)

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Today morning, she called me, and told me that she has told everything to her new boyfriend and she doesn't expect to be with him anymore. And she just wants to be alone.

That does not ring true to my ears.Since you can't believe a liar I don't buy it.I think she told you that so she can stay with the other guy and let you down easy.

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She kept me telling that I am such a wonderful person that she didn't have courage to tell me about it. I don't understand..

I don't think she knows what she wants or maybe she was getting something that she felt she needed from both of you.

Maybe you were the:
take me out to nice dinner buy me a phone guy
And who knows what purpose he served.

Sorry you have been burned like this and know that girls who play men like that are a dime a dozen.

If you go back ,it will be more of the same.

The best indicator of future behavior is past behavior.

I tend to agree with you.. I do feel that there is a situation of some kind of compulsive behavior and it will have a cyclical occurrence.. for e.g. I am very sure that if I had not found out, she would still be two timing me and him..

Yes, she lied and cheating on her new boyfriend with you until she got away with it. When you went snooping your gut told you and found what you needed to find.

Don't go back to her or contact her because she put you in a awkful position that could have had a terrible ending.

That's exactly what would have happened. Im glad to hear that you are relizing that. You see? There is better out there for you. YOu just have to open your eyes.

Well, now this may sound a little strange, but I also think that she needs help.. sorry for being a little philosophical here.. imagine this as a car accident because of a horrible driver, driver is badly hurt, co-passenger (me) is severely hurt, backseat passenger (her new bf) is hurt but nothing too serious..

Now, there is no help available outside.. at least for her.. because I know that she can't talk about this to anyone.. she has been gathering courage to talk to her mom about it, but I know its not easy.. now I feel that we both severely hurt in this situation need to at least help each other and get to the hospital..

Not sure if this is making any sense.. its just how I feel right now

Right and it is perfectly fine to feel that way. Helping her is not a bad thing. It sounds like either way you go, you are going to get hurt. Do you want to chat personally? I know exactly how you are feeling and it is not a great feeling to have. Im on aim right now if you have that. You are more than welcome to I M me.

I've said it before and I will say it again, you have to put a whole lot of gone between you and a chick like that. Not only is she running game on you but on her actual boyfriend as well.

I can't really follow what Artlady said. That was dead on. Your ex is letting you down but staying with him. She was just going to use you until it became more serious with him and then give you some lame excuse or remind you that you two weren't going out. I know this sounds cliché, but you are actually the lucky one here, you have that lying thing out of your life and some other guy has to deal with it.

What's so strange about being a booty call, for a lying, cheater. Run, far, and fast.

I know that in general everyone is advising me to walk away and not to deal with her anymore.. but I realize that we both are quite hurt and at this point, it doesn't seem to make sense to leave each other alone.. maybe I am weird, but the bookish solution to this problem doesn't seem to be the right solution.

I think I am going to give this a proper closure. If anything, she needs a feedback on what she should never do in future and prevent this kind of dangerous drama..

Oh broke welcome to the site. You leave me no choice.

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Originally Posted by broken_1

I know that in general everyone is advising me to walk away and not to deal with her anymore..

Wrong. Everybody is advising you to walk away in FACT. There is nothing general about this. You got used, played, manipulated and dumped... twice. There's no general there are just facts and facts speak to you ex using you so bad that you are completely blind to what happened.

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Originally Posted by broken_1

but I realize that we both are quite hurt

Ahhhhh no. You were hurt. She was screwing another guy who didn't put up with her games. Like this one you are currently playing with her and she is completely kicking your a$$ in. She's kicking it so bad you don't even realize that she's doing it.

You see you are always available, you always are ready to buy her things. But she doesn't respect you one bit, and if she doesn't then she can never love you or even like you. This other guy she's screwing doesn't show her the level of interest you do, he just does his thing and isn't available much for her. She wants to love him for that, but he doesn't show it back so she can't be to into him like you are into her. She has to wait and see, but with you you'll always be there. So when you caught her "having a boyfriend" (is that reverse cheating?) she crys so you won't get upset with her, and best of all SHE plays the victim card even though she ed two guys over (one of whom was you by the way).

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Originally Posted by broken_1

and at this point, it doesn't seem to make sense to leave each other alone..

Really? Because it makes sense to everybody else but you. Including her. Remember that story (read lie) she gave you about how she told her boyfriend everything and now she just wanted to be alone for awhile? Seriously you don't believe that do you? You caught her cheating, and in the end she still dumped you. I'll repeat that. You caught her cheating, and in the end she still dumped you. Seriously. Did that set in. Try it one more time. YOU CAUGHT HER CHEATING, AND IN THE END SHE STILL DUMPED YOU. Why on earth would it make sense to talk to this woman? Why on earth don't you get that she just kept you around in case the boyfriend didn't work out, and now that you stumbled upon her plan she had to get rid of the weak link.

Beyond the fact that you look foolish wanting to continue talking to her, SHE DOES NOT WANT TO TALK TO YOU! Somehow you caught her cheating, you got used, tossed aside and now you still want to continue talking to her? WHY? Do you want to look foolish again?

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Originally Posted by broken_1

maybe I am weird, but the bookish solution to this problem doesn't seem to be the right solution.

You are not weird. You are emotional.

But your actions have got you completely used and the bookish solution is not only the right solution, it's long overdue. Your emotions don't want to let her go, so you want to put up with disrespect, cheating, lying, manipulation, and being dumped. What could the right solution be after all this?

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Originally Posted by broken_1

I think I am going to give this a proper closure. If anything, she needs a feedback on what she should never do in future and prevent this kind of dangerous drama..

I feel bad for you. I've been hurt before and I know it sucks bad. But do you realize how stupid that last statement is? You already look bad to her. Now you are going to go preach to her about drama prevention? Come on, she knows cheating isn't right. She doesn't need you to tell her. You are grasping at straws to talk to her and make yourself look good in this situation and a conversation about drama prevention is going to be something she'll talk about for the rest of her life as one of the things she's been able to make guys do for her.

Let me be blunt with you (as opposed to suger coating it like I have) she thinks your weak and pathetic. If she didn't she wouldn't have used you like she did. You are now prepared to talk to a woman about drama and preventing it. Women live for drama, and your going to talk about drama prevention. You keep looking weaker with every conversation and action. The only way, as in this is the ONE way to show her she is wrong and you are right and not look weak and pathetic at the same time is to quit talking to her. Every time you talk to her you prove to her that you still have a need for her attention. Every time you come up with something, like drama prevention for example, you prove to her you still think about her. Every time you do something with her in mind and she knows about it, she wins and you lose. Quit being a loser and start being a winner, and to do that all you have to do is quit talking to her and prove to her and more important yourself that you don't associate with liars and cheaters. She thinks your weak, prove to her you are strong. She thinks you need her, prove to you need only yourself. Prove her wrong at every step by proving yourself right.

Wow. chuff.. that was something.. I completely agree with you.. I think I have been just trying to tell myself that it is not all that bad.. and there can be a solution out of this whole mess.. guess what.. I am going to completely take your advice and shut this down... thanks a lot!

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Originally Posted by broken_1

wow. chuff.. that was something.. I completely agree with you.. I think i have been just trying to tell myself that it is not all that bad.. and there can be a solution out of this whole mess.. guess what.. I am going to completely take your advice and shut this down... thanks a lot!

The truth is I didn't tell you anything you already didn't know. You just needed it confirmed by someone else. Congratulations on taking this positive step towards an emotional and mental healthly future.

Yes you are right.. its just that its not easy to see a castle of dream going down like this.. but happens..

As you can see from my last posting, it has been more than 4 months since I cleared this issue in my life. I had been doing pretty well ever since. I moved to east coast, made new friends, dated a bit and in general life has been good.

Two days ago, my cellphone rings and I recognize the number, I didn't pick up the phone and after two attemps, she didn't call me again and did not leave a voice message.

A couple of facts
1. 23rd August was her birthday
2. 12th August she was supposed to go back to her country.

Since the call came on 25th, I assumed that she extended her stay and maybe called me to tell me that OR to check upon me on why I didn't even wish her a happy birthday.. (? )

Would be interested in reading users reaction on this scenario. Just so everyone know, I am not in a vulnerable state or anything.. so I am not calling back or trying to go back into the same ol' drama.

I am just throwing this question out here because this site is almost like a confession box to me.. its awesome to come clean here.

Who knows? Who cares what she's doing? I do know that you shouldn't be caring. Of course your curious... but if you do call her back (and that's the only chance you will have for sure)... one of two things will happen.

You will eventually get sucked into another relationship with this user ex-gf of yours... then be cheated on/dumped later on down the road. It will never work out between you two. She's had her way with you, and she will do it again. And all you've had lost is precious, precious time... the only real commodity in this world that is priceless.

Or two... you call, she was just checking up on you, you give her an ego-boost because you affirm that you are the guy who is always there for her, and she leaves you alone, while you are still more confused and hurt.

It's a lose-lose scenario for you buddy. Best to just ignore it and pretend she didn't call. Eventually you will forget that number. And by that time, you wouldn't even care. You've done very well so far, don't let this hiccup slow you down.

I do agree, who knows and who cares? Why second guess her motives? They weren't squeaky clean when you were with her so it's likley to be more of the same now.

Well done for not picking up. Delete the call and keep getting on with your life.

Thanks guys... I guess I will just rejoice in the fact that I still cross her mind.. for whatever its worth