Hey, Ok So I Got This Problem. And I kind of need some advice I don't know what to do anymore. I'm just so confussed. I just hope someone out there can help me out.

I have this boyfriend, and I'm in love with him. He's the most amazing thing a girl can ever ask for. He's everything I ever wanted and I don't want to have to live with out him. The problem is that he isn't legal is the U.S. we were talking about this and he was telling me about how his grandfather mentioned to him that he should get married so he can became a citizian.. I don't want him to marry anyone else. I want him to be mine. He aasked me what I think he should do. Would it be selffish of me to tell him not to go get married to try to help himself. Or is that what he's expecting me to say? I'm just so confussed? I don't know what to do.. I was thinking what id I can help him. Since I love him more than anything and I want to be with him. Why don't I just marry him right know but nor tell anyone about it... we can get married through the courthouse and later on in a few years, after I finish college we can have a really wedding and what not? How's that sound?

Someone help me? I'm thinking way too much? What should I do? Let him go? Or not let go, and go behind my parents back and marry him and tell them later on in life?

Help Please...


Thanks :o

[F]
Only you know if you want to marry someone, and if you don't mind me asking, how old are you? You don't want to get married young because you think you are in love. I have been there done that (married a whole 8 months lol). If this were me, and I'm not telling you to do what I would do, but I wouldn't. If he does love you, why not become a citizen the way it is supposed to be. Again that's what I would do.

Hey thanks for the reply.. I do want to be with him but honestly not now.. I'm 18 years old... I know hella young.. how old were you when you got married if you don't mind me asking?how would be become a citizen without getting married to someone that was born here? Is there another way for him to become legal? I really don't want to lose him.

I am giving you a link that will answer your questions about immigration in the U.S.
There are other ways of becoming a citizen.
Getting married is a huge step and should never be entered into lightly.
Look at the other possibilities open to him first.

USCIS Home Page

I was 16 when I got married. Like I said unless you are a million percent sure, just wait you have your whole lifes ahead just don't rush.

18 is really young. Since you have so many doubts, you should definitely wait.

I don't see what the rush is. You should wait until you are emotionally ready before getting married.

Is he going to get deported or something? If you give him time, won't get gain his citizenship eventually? I think we need more information on his status.

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Originally Posted by SammyBabysWifey

he isnt legal is the U.S.

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this will be the problem...once the immigration finds out he's illegal, he will be deported and may never return again in the US soil, ever. If you married him, you have to follow him on his country. Would you like to live overseas and be with him? If you don't want to, he has to be legal there before marrying you then we'll talk about other details.

Post your question in Immigration board first, sweetheart. Detail his whereabouts, country, length of stay, how he's been in the US. Lawandee, our immigration expert will be there.

thanks for the website. I'm going to check it out. Maybe this will be some help to... thanks for all your replies. There really helping.. making me really think.=D

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I want to go to college and finish everything and enjoy life. I want to pursue my long life dream...

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That's exactly what you should do, chase your own dreams, and let him handle his own business. Get married after that, if you wish.

wait I'm a little confussed. Why would they deport him if he's married?I thought if he got married they would leave him alone and just stop bugging him?well I wouldn't mind living overseas. I love the middle east. It's a really beautiful place. And it will be hard for me to live up there but really what can you do. All I care about is really being with him. He's my everything.. [[i know, I have my life to live for and love doesn't exsist at this age]] but the feels I have for this guy, I have never had for any other guy.well how does he become legal there? He loves living here. He doesn't want to go back there. Thanks for all your help. You have been so much of a help... and ill try the immagration board you were telling me about. Thanks again...

=D

SammyBabysWifey... this is a situation you don't even want to get involved in. Marrying him will not allow him to stay. Did he somehow come into the country illegally in the first place, or did he overstay a visa? There are so many hoops to jump through, and a tremendous cost, in marrying someone from another country and having them be in the US legally with you. My husband came over so that we could be married and doing it all legally was time consuming and expensive. He will, in all likelihood, be deported sooner or later and he won't be able to get back into the country for an extended period.
He may be a wonderful guy, but you have so much ahead of you to focus on with college and such. If, in time you stay in contact, you may decide at some point to join him in his country... which would be another step you will have to give some very careful consideration to.

Sammy after reading all of your responses, I must say your one confuse soul.

You say this guy is your life and you can't live without him then you contradict yourself by saying you want to presume your dreams and this relationship shouldn't consume you.

Your looking for ours to make your decision for you but you need know that part of adulthood is making your own choices and dealing with the decisions you make. You can't say you want to be married than say you want to free. You can't say your going uproot your life by moving oversees with him but want to begin your adulthood here.

Your mind is clouded and you need to dettach yourself from this guy and clear. When you do something you shouldn't have any doubts but you have many. Trying to help him might not be in your best interest right now.

I have heard stories about guys marrying girls just to stay here. Then once the married isn't consider fraud by immgration they stay married for the numbers of years needed for a citizenship then leave. They be off to the next girl.

You are all over the place with this. Getting married at 18 under these circumstances, have failure written all over it. Your gut is telling you what to do. Follow what your gut is telling you. It is rarely wrong. I can tell just from what you've written so far, that your gut is telling you this isn't good for you. I can tell you that my gut is saying NO WAY! I don't even have to know you to say you are in for a great deal of heartache is you marry this man right now, in hopes that he will be able to stay in the country.

If he really wants to be with you, he will do the work on his own, and he will do that without your help. Let him take care of his own business, and go about yours. If he is the one, he will still be around years down the road, after you have focused on your dreams.

Never get married to someone when you have even one shadow of doubt in your mind. A relationship takes work, not hope!

Doulalc- wow, so me being with him won't help him stay. Well that's just stupid. Wow. Well you I believe all you guys. I understand what you guys are all trying to say. And focusing on my studies would be the best. Its not worth messing up my life right know at such a young age when I have so much to live for.. well I think he came her illegally but likes the life style here and never left... how is things working out for you and your husband? Any problems?

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Originally Posted by SammyBabysWifey

LIZ28- thanks for the response. ya im a very confused person at teh moment. im over thinking this. i dont know i just dont want to make the wrong choice. but honestly i dont know what the right choice would be.... soo either way im screwed. isnt there a way in life were you can have both things you love in life? why can't i grow up become a pedaitric nurse and be with the guy of my dreams at the same time?you have a good point. i shouldnt have to tie myself down to a guy. even though hes everything... thats my main concern right know that if i do this [[which would be stupid]] he might end up leaving. =[

maybe detaching myself from him would be best. maybe just being friends with him and nothing more would be best.

=/

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You know what to do, it's just seems hard. You are really answering your own question. Trust yourself. This really could screw up your life. You are too young to have that happen to you. Any age is too young, but you have got a bright future ahead. Being a pediatric nurse is a very good career. Focus on that for now, instead of worrying about him. You don't even know if he is there legally. That's a big red flag. You don't know him well enough, or what his actual intentions are. Love isn't just a feeling, it's a process. You're not ready to marry him at this point in your relationship. Don't let your heart over rule your head.

Starbuck8- thank you so much. You have been a big help. I think I know what I'm going to do. I'm going to go on with my life. A guy isn't worth messing up what I want to be. Thanks again. You guys are all so awsome...

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Originally Posted by SammyBabysWifey

Starbuck8- thank you soo much. you have been a big help. i think i know what im gonna do. im gonna go on with my life. a guy isnt worth messing up what i want to be. thanks again. you guys are all soo awsome...

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You are very welcome, and I think you know you are making the right choice for yourself. I wish you all the luck in the world sweetie!

Please don't marry him right now. You are confused you said and that's really not a good time to make a decision. You said that he is everything to you, but this is because you are "in love". This will make waiting hard and it would hurt if he had to leave, but what if you do it and it doesn't turn out like you hope; won't that hurt just as bad or maybe worse. You said you would have to hide the decision from your parents now and tell them later. This does not sound good. Is it because they won't agree? My heart goes out to you and I hope you realize that you already know this is not the right thing to do. Love is self sacrificing, if he loves you he won't want you to do this and he will want you to let him find away to do this rightfully. Most often you can't do things the wrong way and expect them to end up right. It will be hard but PLEASE wait.

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Originally Posted by starbuck8

You are very welcome, and I think you know you are making the right choice for yourself. I wish you all the luck in the world sweetie!

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Thank you. You I think I am to. Actually I know I am. Thanks for the help!