Ask Me Help Desk - Girlfriend troubles

Hi I'm john my girlfriend and I have been dating for about 1 year 3 months now and recently I just can't find it in me to trust her anymore.. in the past I caught her lying about little things not very important I didn't care.. back about 5 months ago I asked her to to talk to this other guy anymore and she was fine with it but now just recent I found out she is talking to him after I told her not to and I'm getting very angry about her not telling me stuff. Is it just me or is there something I can do to get more trust from her I love her with all my heart but I don't think she feels the same about me we see each other at least twice a week due to school and she also lives 30 min away but it was going great all along at least that's what I thought someone pl help me I don't want to keep a relationship that will hurt me even more in the future thanks johnn

Your post shows signs of insecurity and a controlling personality.

Being upset over "little things" indicates you might have some sort of need to control her... Like you feel threatened over her being independent or doing her own things - without you.

Do you really believe that you could loose this girl just because she is "talking" to another guy? That would seem to indicate you have deeper issues of insecurity and fear over the relationship.

I hope I am way off base here... but I think you should really sit down and think about what you are doing.

Its not she's just talking she told me she stay away from him for me and now she's shareing a locker with him out o fthe whole school... hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm mmmmmmmm should I not be worried

I'll give you my honest answer, but I can only base it on the information you provide. You originally said:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Johnnybegood_5

... i asked her to to talk to this other guy anymore and she was fine with it but now just recent i found out she is talking to him after i told her not to ...

Then added:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Johnnybegood_5

... she told me she stay away from him for me adn now shes shareing a locker with him ...

So with this additional information... Yes, it certainly sounds like she is not being very respectful to your feelings. Have you asked her about it? Did you make demands, or tell her how you feel? Is this guy "just a friend", or can you see there is something more to it?

You also said:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Johnnybegood_5

...i just can't find it in me to trust her anymore ... im getting very angry about her not telling me stuff...

Maybe your brain is telling you that she is untrustworthy, but your heart doesn't want to hear it. Maybe she sees what you call "secrets" as "her privacy". Have you asked her about her it, or are you speculating based on "tidbits" of details you've seen?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Johnnybegood_5

...should i not be worried...

There are subtle nuances here that can make a huge difference. It's not possible for anyone to know from your post whether you're a smart guy noticing things of concern, or simply jealous and insecure.

I hope you are being honest, and not adding this to make sure you "look right".

The bottom line is communication. If you're concerned, you need to talk to her about how her behaviour makes you feel, and what she wants to have with you. Don't play "what if" games. Get the information you need and make a decision about your relationship.

Quote:

Originally Posted by phillysteakandcheese

I'll give you my honest answer, but I can only base it on the information you provide. You originally said:

Then added:

So with this additional information... Yes, it certainly sounds like she is not being very respectful to your feelings. Have you asked her about it? Did you make demands, or tell her how you feel? Is this guy "just a friend", or can you see there is something more to it?

You also said:

Maybe your brain is telling you that she is untrustworthy, but your heart doesn't want to hear it. Maybe she sees what you call "secrets" as "her privacy". Have you asked her about her it, or are you speculating based on "tidbits" of details you've seen?

There are subtle nuances here that can make a huge difference. It's not possible for anyone to know from your post whether you're a smart guy noticing things of concern, or simply jealous and insecure.

I hope you are being honest, and not adding this to make sure you "look right".

The bottom line is communication. If you're concerned, you need to talk to her about how her behaviour makes you feel, and what she wants to have with you. Don't play "what if" games. Get the information you need and make a decision about your relationship.

Hi I thanks for the advice I decided to settle down and not be so worried about her and for a couple months it was going pretty good and I started to have almost full trust in her... but then I showed up at her school one day and found her walking around linking arms with some guy I didn't know... boy I was mad but I kept it in me and talked to her about it after she told me that the long distance was getting to her but she felt nothing him. She also promised me nothing would never happen again that she knows how I feel and she won't make another mistake like that. Ever since our relationship has been great except for one thing. I still can not find it in me to trust her. She's been great I always know where she is and she never lies to me... but still deep down inside I have a feeling I am making a mistake or something but I love her deeply I know I am overprotective of her but I can't help it. So if there's anything you can tell me about this I would appreciated it thanks again
Johnn

No relationship can be a good one without trust. If you truly do not trust her, and you think she might be doing things to jeopordize your relationship, you need to get rid of her. She sounds like she doesn't have very much respect for you. I think you need to kick her to the curb and find a girl who will respect your feelings and who you can trust.

That's a tough call bro! I'm in a relationship that's in the same category. My girlfriend keeps talking to her ex. She dated him for two years and we've only dated for four months. She says she doesn't want to talk to him but he keeps bugging her, and it's always when we're together. I found out on a blog he wrote that she cheated on him to "test the waters". She said she was confused and depressed and told him she wanted it to be over. I know she loves me and spends a lot of time with me even though she's an 1 1/2 hrs away. I just can't get over that feeling she might do it to me. I know how you feel, but all you can do is trust her. I feel I'm being overprotective of myself because I don't want to get hurt. Letting it eat you away like that isn't good. We must all have blind faith, especially in love.

I feel as if I don't care about what she has done because it really wasn't that big of a deal in the long run she hasn't sleep with anyone or anything like that (that I know of) she has strick parents I don't think anything could happen out of school anyway BUT I just don't want to her any lies from her I can tell when people are lying to my face and it seems she has grown up this way lying for little reasons I have heard that you can't change a person but I have heard people personality change every 7 - 10 years... urghhh any advice how I can talk to her to "change her lieing ways" it would deff be worth it thankss Johnn

Hey I have been through the same situation as you have john. I have just come out of a relationship myself because of the same reasons. At first everything was great, she went to a different school than me and everything but it was still really good and then when we got about 6 months into the relationship I started to think that she was cheating on me with this fella she met wile she was working because every night I was with her, he was always texting her and she was texting him. One night I let the curiosity get the better of me and read one of the texts and it said "last night was great what are you up 2" I nearly cried when I read it because I thought she was cheating on me. I told her that I had read the message and she told me that she was talking about a night she had spent with me and she was trying to make him feel jealous. I pretended I believed her but since then I always had my doubts and then one day she admitted to me that she has been to see this lad at lunchtimes during school and one Saturday she went to his and watched a movie and kissed :( I was destroyed! Wat I'm trying to say is that girls at this age arnt trust worthy mate that mite sound like a harsh comment but tis true! If I was you I would ask her directly and tell her that you're getting fed up off feeling like this and you want to know the truth! I don't think you're wanting controle atall because I know exactly how you feel and all you want to know is the truth you don't want to controle her. The best way to go around this is just ask her and give her some threats like "i can't take this anymore" etc. That's what I did and I got the truth out! At the time I was devistated and I was really upset I couldn't stand my time in school because I found myself crying but I'm glad I know it now because then I wouldn't be carrying on with a relationship which is a lie!