Gosh, I don't even know where to start. Im so in love with my guy pal, we've been friends for about 6 years and been sleeping together the entire time. We've broken up for a couple years. Now we have started dating again. PROBLEM IS, he is separated from his wife and is unsure who he wants to be with. She really doesn't want him & I'm 100% sure that's why he is with me. :confused:
Don't know what to do! Don't want to lose him as my best guy pal because he is great with my 2year old son, and he treats me like he really really loves me, but he says he can't commit because he just doesn't know for sure about me. He came by yesterday and his phone was ringing constantly & he kept having to step out to talk. Then about 3am there goes his phone ringing again. :mad:
So, should I just stick it out with him? We're soul mates! I dont wanna lose the great friendship we have built. He is really good to me...... but I dont wanna be a fool.
HELP ME PLEASE!!
Jay

It sounds like what you really want is to keep him as a friend. So why not just have him as a friend but agree that there won't be any more intimacy (if possible!) and there won't be a relationship (marriage or common law). It sounds like he is a very good friend to you. But boyfriend? Disaster. Run from that girl. He is coming out of a failed marriage and had an affair with you while he was married. Who's to say he won't do the same to you? He's not even sure he wants to be with you. You and your son deserve more than that.

Thanks for the reply!!

I do want his friendship, but at the same time its hard because I am so in love with him.

How do I manage that? Yes, and you are totally right, as a boyfriend I see so many redflags, and there are so many times I am relieved that Im not his girlfriend lol!

How do a manage being just friends with someone I am totally in love with?

The issue is "YOU" are so in love, he is not. You are a friend with benefits, something to do, someone to be with for now.

He is still married, separated, but has not committed to divorce, he is wanting both worlds it appears.

Sorry dear, you're his safe haven, who puts up with his BS. Of course he will treat you well, but love, and a future?? NOT HAPPENING. Stop having sex, and see how he reacts. Then you will be able to see him as he really is.

Just curious, how do you be friends (with benefits), with someone who cheats on his wife with you?

Edited

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Originally Posted by jayolivia

Thanks for the reply!!!

I do want his friendship, but at the same time its hard because I am so in love with him.

How do I manage that? Yes, and you are totally right, as a boyfriend I see so many redflags, and there are so many times I am relieved that Im not his girlfriend lol!

How do a manage being just friends with someone I am totally in love with?

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OMG please wake up... wake up... wake up. Believe me.. he is already seeing someone else and he is dealing with you but he is doing his own thing. It is not about you... It is about him... him.. him. I KNOW WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT.

IF YOU WANT THIS MAN TO RESPECT YOU AND WANT TO BE THERE... end the total relationship. No friendship or anything. I am doing this right now. I am so crazy about him but he is already messing around with someone else so I am doing NC.

It is unfortunate, they seem like really good people and they seem to care, which they do but you are heading for trouble cause of how he is acting.

My ex would be getting texts all the time. He would have things going on that I was not aware of and I couldn't put up with it anymore. It was really affecting my life.

You are going to have to put your foot down. He is not respecting you. This is really a bad place you are in right now. I am have been there so I had to just let it go all together. He was really going to hurt me even more.

Your friendship doesn't mean anything with out that piece of tail he gets too. Im telling you. Don't give him any, and see what he does

He does not have to commit all he has to do is show up. You are already a fool, you keep giving it up to someone who is never going to be yours and has told you so..
You are his safety net and his safety net with benefits. He is cheating on his wife with you and seems to be cheating on you with someone else. This is a lose lose situation.
Get some pride and lose this guy. Find a man you don't have to share.

"Friends with benefits." Well the benefits that this applies to are not as attractive as it first appears to be. We are humans with feelings and emotions. Ya, I'm sure who ever came up with this thought it sounded great. "Sex whenever I need it but I don't have to commit and I don't have to be depended on AND I can have sex with whomever else I want to...but...thats ok because we are just friends and they won't mind...after all...we are friends right"? It never works and you will never have a committed, satisfying, fulfilling relationship with him. I'm sorry but he is using you and maybe in a nice way, but he is. And after a 6 year friendship/affair with him you say he is unsure about you? My god! I would be a bit unsure about him if I were you. But that is a very good excuse he is using while he is buying time with you and trying to make amends with his wife. Do a reality check and get out of the intimacy part of this friendship. Your son depends on you for his future, make a better decision for yourself and him.

:mad::(:(:(
Geez! You all don't hold back here!
So is the only way to gain back my respect by NC?
I am going to talk to him and end it all, but I'm so scared of losing such a great friend. But maybe everyone is right! It hurts, but I know my son depends on me doing right, he deserves someone who will treat his mom good, with respect.

Maybe Im just the gal right here and now, and when his wife (who lives with her boyfriend) decides she wants him back, guess what? ---IM OUT THE DOOR!

Guess I'm just waiting on the inevitable! Thanks everyone, if anyone has anymore suggestions or thoughts let me know. I appreciate the brutal honesty.

Six years this man has been playing you and you consider this dating?
I bet that he takes you no where ,spends no money on you and gives you nothing but sex and a good line of B.S. to go with it.

Value yourself my dear,don't ever allow anyone to dishonor you in anyway.

This does not make you a fool,just a fool in love.Love turns all of our heads around,you are not the only one.

Yes,we can be brutal but sometimes people need a firm shake to wake up.

Sometimes you have to hear the truth from outside opinions as harsh as it may sound. You are giving to much to a man who cannot give you anything. Your needs have to be met too in a relationship or you will just be taken for granted, unappriciated and then when you have given all that you have got....you are left with nothing...not even him. We tell it like it is because we care.

Regardless of the excuses/justifications for you having an affair(with a married guy), the answer to your underlying problems is not to have an affair. An affair is an easy way to cover up the problem just as is substances abuse, shopping addictions, or various other activities in which we engage to hide our pain or problems.

It might not be easy to pull yourself away from this affair, but it is possible and you can do it with a lot of willpower.

I know somewhere deep down inside you know-- having an affair with a married man is not the answer, nor is it the decent, healthy, honest, moral, to live.*

So do you really want to know why he can't commit? Call his wife and see what she say.

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Originally Posted by jayolivia

:mad::(:(:(
Geez! You all dont hold back here!
So is the only way to gain back my respect by NC?
I am going to talk to him and end it all, but im so scared of losing such a great friend. But maybe everyone is right! It hurts, but I know my son depends on me doing right, he deserves someone who will treat his mom good, with respect.

Maybe Im just the gal right here and now, and when his wife (who lives with her boyfriend) decides she wants him back, guess what ?!---IM OUT THE DOOR!!

Guess im just waiting on the inevitable! Thanks everyone, if anyone has anymore suggestions or thoughts let me know. I appreciate the brutal honesty.

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I didn't see this post before I posted my last response.

The only thing I can tell you is to stay away from married men.

You say that you and this man are soul mates. I have to question that because a soul mate is someone who would not be attached to someone else. There are obvious things about this guy that you personally admire in a soul mate....but he is married so therefore you are basically coveting after another womans man. and he is just as responsible for his actions in this situation just as you are yours. It takes two in case anyone is judging.

What you find attractive in this man can be found in another man along with extra attractive things like him being single and emotionally, physically and intellectually available to you. Who values you as a person and as a woman.

That type of man you can truly call a soul mate.

Please listen.. this guys is a silent ticking bomb. This is all a act by him. If you don't get your head out of your heart, this guys is going to rip you to shreads... I am telling you... he isn't s/hit... get out.. you isn't go nothing!! He isn't sh/t

Everyone has basically told you what to do... If he is cheating with you and he is married that's a big NO NO!Girl get your blessing(a man that's for you) and leave him alone because it seems you just have great sex.And that's all it will ever be nothing more or less.

Yes, everyone has been really honest with me. Guess I did not feel all that bad about him being married since I know his wife, and I know her boyfriend. So, they have a pretty open relationship.

But anyway, either way it goes, wrong is wrong!! And I am getting the short end of the deal.
And on top of things Im not happy and I'm not being treated right, and I NEED to leave him alone.

Appreciate everyone's words, and honesty!