Hello

I've never used a site like this before but I hope someone will be able to help me out here I have so many thoughts going around in my head and not to sure what to do,so here it goes:

Ive been going out with this guy for a year and a half now recently his poor mam has past away due to a very long illness which he nursed for many years,his behaver has totally changed I excepted this and it will take such a long time for him to be OK again I know this and will support him all the way but the thing is he has cheated on me twice now he hasn't slept with anybody else kissed other girls he always says its dwn to drinking way too much and he is so sorry and doesn't know why he does it cause he loves me so much,he says he barely remembers doing it!! He has told me he will give up drinking and prove to me he will never do it again,but he has already done it once before and I forgave him do I forgive him again? Its so hard cause I don't know what to do I love him so much... and at this stage its about trust!!

Another thing is he has always been caught each time he has done this,so is the reason he only ever came clean about it because he was caught,I do believe that it has only been these two times as well because I've know this guy for a very long long time before we actually started going out we where very good friends before...


So if anyone can give me some advice??

If I was you I would move on and find someone better.. . maybe he just isn't ready for a long relationship

If he is truly serious about quitting drinking then you might want to consider standing by him.
He has a serious drinking problem if he is getting to the point where he is putting his relationships in jeopardy.
It is not easy to stop drinking and it will prove very challenging.
I believe in giving people a chance only if they are willing to make a change.
If he quits drinking and I do mean completely,I would say he deserves another chance.

Leave him alone. He must pay the consequences of his actions to be motivated to change his behavior.

Its one thing to come clean, and be honest, and try to do better, and quite another to make promises of changing, and doing better, after being caught.

Since he hasn't learned his lesson, he will continue as he has before, since there was no price to pay. Make him Pay for his own actions.

It's a hard pill to swallow, but it also protects you from being hurt from his bad behavior, and heal from what he has already done.

He may really change, or he may not, but its his choice to make without your help, and support.

He has to deal with his drinking and the actions that it has led to.

Leave him, a leopard cannot change his spots. Had he done it just once and sworn of the booze, different story. This has happened TWICE, each time you had to catch him. To answer your other question, yes that's the only reason he came clean.

It seems like he is only saying things to make you happy so you won't leave and that is why his actions tell a different story.

When did he think drinking? Was it after his mother death? If so, maybe he is trying to numb his pain by drinking because he doesn't know how to deal with grief. Maybe he should see a grief counselor to help him deal with his mother death inside of keeping the pain bottle up inside and coping with it by drinking.Then AA would come next. But he has to want to do it. Not for you but for himself.

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Originally Posted by liz28

It seems like he is only saying things to make you happy so you won't leave and that is why his actions tell a different story.

When did he think drinking? Was it after his mother death? If so, maybe he is trying to numb his pain by drinking because he doesn't know how to deal with grief. Maybe he should see a grief counselor to help him deal with his mother death inside of keeping the pain bottle up inside and coping with it by drinking.Then AA would come next. But he has to want to do it. Not for you but for himself.

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Yes it was after his mam death,I was thinking he should go and see a counselor thank you for your comment

Your welcome! I know some people handle grief differently. Hopefully he seeks help but again he has to want it. For some people they have to hit rock bottom before they realize they need help. Maybe you along with some of his family and close friends should have some sort of intervention for him.

Now while he is griefing you are hurting because he hurt you because of his drinking which lead to cheating--at least twice that you know of. While is getting himself together you can get your thought together separately. You need to heal too and look out for you. Sometimes you've to let love go and if it was meant to be it would come back to you.

Janice- Leave him alone like the others said so he can grow on his own. I am sorry he lost a family member, and turned to alcohol BUT- this is no excuse to cheat on you. I hear 'drunk' stories all the time how people cheat, and they "didn't know what they were doing". BS. This is totally unacceptable and WEAK. If he was HURT he should have turned to the person who loved him the most for consoling- YOU. He has a drinking problem, and a loyalty problem. To be blunt, he dug his own grave- let him sleep in it for awhile. If he comes clean, doesn't hook up with any other girls, etc.. Then talk to him and work it out if you really love him. I am ALL about second chances given the right situation, but this isn't one of them. I've never cheated on a girlfriend a day in my life and I was away at college 500 miles away from my girlfriend for months on end, AT one of the biggest party schools in the country. AND I got extremely drunk all the time... it's a poor excuse for sh!t decisions. Let him make the changes you need to see, but let him do this part on his own. You sound like you have been by his side for a long time, through all his pain.. don't you think it's about time he thought about the PAIN he has put you through?

Thumper.

Its better if you had somebody who will respect you and love you back!