I have a small problem that I need help with it all started when I entered college I am doing good in school every now and then I have problems but I over come them. Then I meet this girl that I like I never felt like this for any one. The problem starts when my mother thinks that if I get a girl friend I will lose interest in college. I understand were she is coming from because all the family members from my dads side left college because they got married or just stopped going. Its not just that, I can't come home too late I have to be home around 9 and I am 18 years old its bad I just want to know what I can do with my problem I really want to be with this girl and at the same time I wish my mother would understand me can some one tell me if I suld do what my mother thinks and let the girl go or do something else please help

Your 18 years old and you have to be home at nine. Oh please.
Your in college. Your mom might think she has your best interest in this matter but you need to experience life and make your own choices in life.

There is compromise here, it is all in the approach. Be with the girl but at the same time make sure your studies do not suffer. She can not tell you who you can and can not see.

Do what you think is right, and be honest about it with your mother, but I can understand her side of it as well. Just try to come up with a compromise but you can do whatever you want in life.

I am glad you understand where she is coming from that is a good start. Tell her this and discuss this with her, but you should still be allowed to mingle or date etc...

Joe

Yeah I tried talking to her but she compares me to my friends that are not in college I am not going to let a girl mess me up I college if I see that its affecting me in a bad way I will tell her that I need some time off but like I do not know how to confront her about it I want to leave home but that might be bad how should I talk to her about it

So what shuld I tell her its hard for me to really talk to her about it because I know that she would just say that I am wrong and she would go to the house of the girl that I like and scream at her

Sorry but do you really think your mother will do that?

If she would do that then why are you even weighing what your mother says.

Honestly maybe your not ready for dating. If you were, you would be man enough to say to your mother that your dating this girl. I already suggested what you should do.

What you should say, say it in your own words, your own way but whether she hears you or not. Does not matter, but if you can not speak to her, even though you fear her going all mental. Well too bad. If your truly a man then you should act like one.

Invite the girl to your house to meet your parents.

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Invite the girl to your house to meet your parents.

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It'd be a brave woman that goes into his mother's house!

You need to tell Mom you understand her concerns but you need a social life as well as an academic life.

Everyone is entitled to some down time and studies have shown that doing activities to release stress greatly increases brain function.

Tell her she raised you well(compliments never hurt) and that you are a responsible and trustworthy kid. She did her job ,now she needs to have faith that she did it well.

I would tell her that you are willing to compromise,if she sees your grades falling,you will be willing to go back to her nine o'clock rule but in the meantime you are staying out until ten or eleven.

She also needs to understand that her role has changed from one of caregiver to guide and you need to learn to make adult decisions and suffer the consequences ,if any. It is the only way people grow.

Your Mom needs to back off but it's hard because you're still living at home, under her roof, where she makes the rules.

I think you need to talk to her in a respectful but firm tone about the fact that her level of control needs to change given that you are an adult man and a college student. Have some practical things that require you to be out later. Let her know that her opinion of your girlfriends and dating decisions are important to you, but that if her attitude is that you have to stay alone throughout college - prime dating time for most people - you are simply not going to share that part of your life with her. You are not a priest, and this is a perfect time to date. Reassure her that you are on track to graduate and will not marry until you are done with school and established in a job.

You also need to act as an adult man. Your mother will have your childish actions at the ready to throw back in your face, so don't give her the weaponry. If the gutters need cleaning, do it because you are an adult man living in the house, not because she asked. Beat her to it. Take the trash out. Get off the couch and unload the groceries for her. Do your own laundry. Pick up after yourself- do some dishes. If you're working, buy a bottle of milk once in a while and don't expect her to pay you for it. The more you do the things men do, the more she will treat you as a man or will at least see that her controlling manner will not work long-term.

If you cannot improve the situation, consider whether you could live in a dorm or share a cheap apartment with friends. Or live with another relative. It's not a slap in the face to move out of her house - it's what college kids do. But if you can finish college and have some semblance of a normal college experience, while also staying at home, do so.

I would also suggest you travel on occasion. Visit friends at other colleges for a weekend. Or crash at the dorm of your own school with a friend on occasion if you are studying late. Generally, just break this pattern where Mommy expects you at the dinner table every night. It's not realistic and you need to cut the apron strings.