I recently became a father.I love my son very much, but don't show it. I'm deploying soon and am going to be away from him for a long time. I've been on leave for about 2 weeks now and isn't spent any time with him. I really isn't spend anytime with him since we left the hospital. I know I'm a bad father, now what? Help I don't want him hating me

May I ask what is stopping you from spending time with your son? Why haven't you spent any time with him since you left the hospital? Why aren't you showing that you love him? We need more info please, since this doesn't sound like this is out of your control!

SPEND TIME WITH HIM. It's simple. You are going to be in a lot of danger, what if you die? Do you want your son to think that his father died and never loved him? No, of course you don't. SO show him how much you love him. Babies are sponges, they soak up all info whether they understand it or not. So spend tons and tons of time with him, talk to him.

On a side note, I have a few friends with children that are in the armed forces. They've ALL made a video for their children/spouse to watch in the case of their death. This is something that you might want to consider.

I don't know what's wrong with me I feel like I want to but I don't

Do you want to be known as the deadbeat Dad? Why do you not have any desire to be a father to your son. Shouldn't you have thought of that before you engaged in the act that brought him here? How is the relationship with the child's mother?

Sorry I meant I feel like and I want to spend time with him

Is the word I wanted to put in there

Then what is stopping you? If you are man enough to fight for your country, then you should be man enough to show you own son how much you love him.

It won't let me use cuss words so crap will work for now

You really aren't making much sense at all here. Would you care to explain a little further?

Me and mom are soulmates everything was great till I found out I was deploying that when I became more distant

So, do you feel that you are distancing yourself from your son as well, so its not so painful to see her when you see your son?

Well then don't do that. Get to know your son before you have to leave! Simple as that! Man up and do the right thing!

Your making no sense I love my wife and son with all my heart all I was asking was why am I doing not spending more time with my son you two have been no help but to put me down "telling me to man up" I am a man. Just because I'm going through a spell right now doesn't mean that I'm going to be a deadbeat dad

The choice is yours to be there or not.

Is this your first experience with a baby?

Are you afraid to love him because you are leaving?Is this some form of self protection?

If you don't know how to parent,just do what comes naturally and allow your emotions to flow.

Ask your wife to show you how to hold him and give him a bottle.etc.Don't allow fear to stand in your way.

You will never get these precious moments back so be there when you can.

Just man up and be a father.. its called being a responsible adult.. I have friends that are 18 that have kids and are doing it so I'm sure you can to.

Sometimes the truth is the last thing that you want to hear, but in this case it's absolutely necessary. You need to be there to teach your child how to grow up, and support him.

Grimmly,

What you have on the plus side is you love the mother of your child, you were there when he was born, and you want to do the right thing. You are just stuck.

There are little things you can do before you head out. Phone the mom, and ask her if you can just go over and visit. Bring a little toy, or gift so that he has something physical from you. Of course he won't know it, he's only a baby, but in time to come, it will be valuable to him.

Offer to feed him, and don't be shy to ask for help if you need it on how to hold the baby properly etc. This experience does not come naturally for many new parents, it is all a learning experience and we all make mistakes.

Take your time and just enjoy him.

When you are deployed, write letters to him to include with letters to his mom. These too will be valuable to him in time, and will create some sort of bond between the two of you.

If the mother is willing, try to visit as often as you can. Even feeding him, or watching him for a few hours will help her too.

It won't be an effort that you will ever regret. On the other hand, if you don't establish some sort of contact with him now, you may regret it later.

Good luck to you.

How involved were you before you knew you were going to be deployed? Could part of it be that you are just not comfortable handling a new baby? Could part of it be you are worried about being away, or perhaps not coming back?

Ask your child's mother to show you how to take care of him. If you don't have experience with babies, it can make you a bit anxious at first, but the more you do, however small, the more confidence you will have with him. You don't have to do anything overly involved... just spend some quiet time holding him in your arms while he sleeps... it's one of the best things you will do... :) Have his mother take lots of pictures of you with him and get some of the three of you together. Take some with you when you leave.

The video tape idea is excellent... read stories to him on it for example. You can also video tape yourself now and then while over there and send tapes back. If you know where you will be will have access to the internet, see about getting a webcam. I know of other people in the service who use this to stay connected as well.