Ask Me Help Desk - My heart is broken !

I used to be in a relationship for 7 years, I thought he was the love of my life, however he cheated on me many times, (and I'm not unattractive, in fact I'm quite good looking, hard working, and fun) but I thought he cheated on me because of my looks. Lucky for me, he cheated on me again in December and I finally decided to leave him. It was really hard, as all our friends stick with him, and I don't have any family. Both my parents are dead. So I stucked it out, and worked on myself. Then about 2 months ago, I met someone who funny enough also came out of a 7 year relaisionship. He said that she was not the marrying kind, and his feelings for her was not he same. We had 40 days of blissful happiness, I've never been so happy, and all the things I did wrong in my 7 year relationship I didn't do in this friendship. Then suddenly about a week ago, he says he want to go back to his ex, he misses her, and he think he loves her. So in short, I was dumped again. But he still likes me, and he has feelings for me. Now, I'm 30 and I don't have the time or the energy for games, but I honestly really liked him, I think I might even love him. We spend every day together. I don't want him back, because I don't want to sell myself short again, my question is, why does it always happen to me. I'm really lonely and the only thing that keeps me alive is the fact that I need to go to work. And to make matters worse my ex of 7 years are getting married, in 2 months time. I don't understand why people forgets about me.

Don't ask yourself why... :(

This guy probably needed a rebound relationship and besides he comes with baggage... his feelings for his ex.
Don't chose to be 2nd best with him.

I would concentrate on you right now.
Make new friends, and enjoy yourself, I believe my saying - if you search for the one he or she will never appear.

Quote:

Originally Posted by dumped2manytimes

I used to be in a relationship for 7 years, I thought he was the love of my life, however he cheated on me many times, (and I'm not unattractive, in fact I'm quite good looking, hard working, and fun) but I thought he cheated on me because of my looks. lucky for me, he cheated on me again in December and I finally decided to leave him.

Good for you. Life's to short to be dealing with this.

Quote:

Originally Posted by dumped2manytimes

it was really hard, as all our friends stick with him, and I don't have any family. both my parents are dead. so I stucked it out, and worked on myself.

Again, good for you. I bet you have more friends than you realize or give yourself credit for. While you were recovering and working on yourself maybe you put others on the back burner but I bet there still there for you. Secondly, if your parents were alive I bet they'd be happy with your decision to move on in your life.

Quote:

Originally Posted by dumped2manytimes

and to make matters worse my ex of 7 years are getting married, in 2 months time. I don't understand why people forgets about me.

If you ex is getting married you ought to be thankful you didn't wind up with that individual. I have an ex that got married shortly after we quit dating for a year and when I first heard, I was stunned but then realized she was so desperate for attention that she just picked the first guy that came along and put a ring on her finger. I'd bet that marriage would never last. I'll bet your ex's marriage isn't going to last either.

How do you know people are forgeting about you? Maybe you haven't found "the one" (if such a thing even exists) but you are really selling yourself short if you think people are forgetting about you. Sometimes you have to give people time to remember you.

Well, you spent 7 years of your life in a relationship with a cheater. Why? You should have bolted out the door a long time ago, the first time you realized he was cheating. If you had then you wouldn't have gotten caught up in this 7 year relationship that has now left you with a broken heart. Then right on to another guy who can't decide between you and his ex? I hate to break it to you but I think you've set yourself up for getting "dumped", time and time again. You enter into relationships way too serious way too fast and not even with decent, upstanding men at that. You need to turn the tide on things. You have to decide to make and play by your own rules. If he won't go along, then you dump him like a hot potato. You also need to be less available. Take time to work on yourself. Do the things that interest you and that you enjoy. Join a bowling league or a dance club. Take a vacation or a class. In short, learn to enjoy life without the prospect of having someone else in it. I think you'll be surprised to see how this will change your luck.

Quote:

Originally Posted by s_cianci

I hate to break it to you but I think you've set yourself up for getting "dumped", time and time again. You enter into relationships way too serious way too fast and not even with decent, upstanding men at that. You need to turn the tide on things. You have to decide to make and play by your own rules.

That is that good advice and something to think about.

Quote:

Originally Posted by dumped2manytimes

I used to be in a relationship for 7 years, I thought he was the love of my life, however he cheated on me many times, (and I'm not unattractive, in fact I'm quite good looking, hard working, and fun) but I thought he cheated on me because of my looks. lucky for me, he cheated on me again in December and I finally decided to leave him. it was really hard, as all our friends stick with him, and I don't have any family. both my parents are dead. so I stucked it out, and worked on myself. then about 2 months ago, I met someone who funny enough also came out of a 7 year relaisionship. he said that she was not the marrying kind, and his feelings for her was not he same. we had 40 days of blissful happiness, I've never been so happy, and all the things I did wrong in my 7 year relationship I didn't do in this friendship. then suddenly about a week ago, he says he want to go back to his ex, he misses her, and he think he loves her. so in short, I was dumped again. but he still likes me, and he has feelings for me. now, I'm 30 and I don't have the time or the energy for games, but I honestly really liked him, I think I might even love him. we spend every day together. I don't want him back, because I don't want to sell myself short again, my question is, why does it always happen to me. I'm really lonely and the only thing that keeps me alive is the fact that I need to go to work. and to make matters worse my ex of 7 years are getting married, in 2 months time. I don't understand why people forgets about me.

Thank you for all the feedback, and the hard facts are that you all correct. I actually saw the guy yesterday, and it breaks my heart, but I'm going to be strong. Yesterday he actually said that he knows what to do, he doesn't want to be with his ex, because of the spark that are not there, and apparently he is seeing red lights. But he also says, he will break it up this weekend. Silly man, thinks I will really fall for it. I text him last night, I know... should not have done that, but I did. However this morning when I woke up, I felt good, I'm happy, and I decided not to make contact with him, and will also not respond to him contacting me. If he really wants to be with me, he will make a decision. And I'm doing my thing, I'm going to start playing golf again, I'm going to a show on Friday night with a friend of mine, and I will not be desperate.

Quote:

Originally Posted by dumped2manytimes

Thank you And I'm doing my thing, I'm going to start playing golf again, I'm going to a show on friday night with a friend of mine, and I will not be desperate.

Good for you. Focus on golf. I'm glad your going to a show with a friend. And to think you tried telling us you didn't have any friends. You've got more friends and confidence than your giving yourself credit for. Keep up the good work.

Exactly, Chuff is right. Keep up the good work.

Comments on this post
tirednhurt86 agrees: wow i really like that saying and i agree with it too!

And I found it works too ;)

Start an activity! Work out, you will relieve stress and I'm sure you will find yourself on the way... oh and if your not too proud match websites are out there you know... they've worked for lots of people

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rushed19

start an activity! work out, you will relieve stress and i'm sure you will find yourself on the way... oh and if your not too proud match websites are out there ya know... they've worked for lots of people

I remember this thread like it was 3 years ago.

Though you say that you spent 7 years with this guy, the relationship actually wasn't that long. After cheating on you the first time and you letting him get away with he, he gets to cheat a second time. After that, he's on a free-for-all. He cheats all he wants cause he knows you will forgive him. When that happens, you're not really in a relationship with him anymore.

I'm guessing that this is your first serious relationship? You dragged it out for too long and it should not have lasted this long. Just let him go. He's got his own life now. Doesn't matter if he got over you quickly or whatever. You need to move on with your life.

Block him out of your life and stop getting updates about him. It's just going to cause you more pain.