I have known this lady for almost 17 years.

We use to do volunteer work together, and became romantically involved shortly after our marriages broke up. That was approximately 10 years ago.

There was plenty of fantastic passion, unfortunately her divorce was quite messy, and seemed to change her. In a nutshell, our romantic involvement and our contact with each other came to an end.



Then about 3 years later, we got back in touch and remained on "friendly" terms. During that 3 year time-frame, I was involved in a relationship and she was as well. I ended my relationship and apparently, the man she was dating ended their relationship.

I always let her make the first contact. We'd get together for a little while, and then I wouldn't hear from her for a few months.. only to have her be back in touch. It was an unspoken agreement she was not interested in getting back into a romantic, steady relationship, and told me several times she enjoyed the single life and would never get married again.

From time to time, when we were together, we'd share some physical intimacy. It was always great! But, as I mentioned before, she seemed reluctant to want to get together in a more "dating" relationship.

When I would meet someone new and go out for a couple dates, she had this way of always getting in touch with me.. and.. once again, we'd usually share some physical intimacy.. only to have the cycle repeat itself and I wouldn't hear from her for a while.

As recent as 6 months ago, she came to a cottage I was using at the beach, for dinner. Once again, we got together in an intimate way. Then, 4 months ago, she accompanied me to a family 25th wedding anniversary. We had a really great time (but no intimacy).
Once again, I never heard anything from her.

Approximately 2 weeks ago, she posted a picture of herself sporting a new engagement ring, with her arm around her new fiancé!

It really sent me for a loop. Although I'm not sure whether I have any rite to feel this way and can't figure out for the life of me why this is bothering me so much.

People closest to me tell me what she did and how she did it was cold and heartless.

Why is this bothering me so much?

Sorry Mister, this wasn't cold and heartless, what are you talking about?

You are angry because the woman you had 'an unspoken agreement with' to not be serious, was in fact not serious about you!

She found someone that she feels she can fall in love with, isn't it great? Yes.

You were intimate sporadically over a 3 year time span, during which time you 'always let her make the first contact' but you felt that she should contact you and let you know, that in fact there was nothing serious going on with you two?!

You say you are on 'friendly terms', so should you not be happy for your 'friend'? It hurts when your friend for many years, that you have in the past shared hurts and affections with moves on, but as a friend you suck it up and act like a friend or stay away from her to get on with this new great turn in her life.

The reason you most likely have such a problem with this is because she validated the life you are leading. The fact that your backgrounds and the timelines of your lives are quite similar

could it be that you are now questioning the way that your life has turned out?

Basically you allowed her to interfere with your relationships over the years whenever she decided to step back on the scene. You held on to false hope for too long and having intimate time with her and doing things that couples did clouded your good sense + judgement.

Your ex just played you and you dance to her tone whenever she felt like putting up with you. It seems like she didn't want you to be happy with anyone else for some twisted reason. That why she always got in touch with you whenver you started getting close to someone.

All of this back and forth was no good and look where it left you. Time to cut the cord and move on. Who cares if she is engage or happy? Time for you to go out and find your hapoiness instead of dwelling on her and trying to find answers regarding her life. Get out of that mind set.

She made it clear that she didn't want to get romantically involved over the years, but it seems like you never turned off the tap of feelings for her.

During your time of no contact, you tried to see each other, but she would come back and give you that false 1% hope.

You had a choice, you could have moved on with your life instead letting her back in with this false hope.

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Why is this bothering me so much?

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Thinking about what could have been?
Missed opportunities?
The fact that your infrequent trysts are a thing of the past?
She did not inform you ,she acted without your input?

All speculation on my part but I just thought I would throw it out there and see if any of it grabbed you.

Artlady is right on the money! (Artlady - I tried to give you a greenie, but I have to spread the rep).

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Why is this bothering me so much?

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I think you know the good times are over with her.