Dear relationship expert: I am in a desperate attempt to get some answers. I have been with a man I love very much for over 2 years. I have done everything to try to get him to have sex, spice our sex life up and have more romance. Too many months have gone by and I feel like I've been let down too many times. I can't help but think about other guy's and how they would please me in this area. I love everything else about my guy:o. We now have a baby on the way from one of our few nights of sex. I have no job, I couldn't even leave right now even if I wanted to. I try talking calmly all the time and bringing the fact that I'm not happy with our sex life up and he either says nothing or gets mad or says he'll change and does for a day or two but never lasts:mad:. What do I do! :confused:

If I read right- maybe he isn't into pregnancy sex- there are a lot of men whom are uncomfortable with having sex when a woman is pregnant, it's actually very common.

Try discussing the situation at hand in a different manner. You may be pointing the blaming finger without noticing it. If you are saying "You never want to ________" or "You used to ___" then this may be the problem. Most people don't like listening to conversations, let alone want to deal with a person who is simply placing blame and complaining.

Try different techniques. Try saying "I would really like to try ____ tonight, are you okay with that?" or "I feel at my best when we are having an active sex life, it makes me feel great when you _____". Chances are by replacing the YOU with US and making the YOU's into a positive manner he will feel a tad more encouraged to ravish you.

It's not only the man's job to initiate it. For this entire month, you initiate it! He'll soon get the picture that you want to have regular sex and soon enough he'll be tapping your shoulder late at night for some nooky.

P.S. Sometimes it's just a little spicing up that's needed. Try new positions, different locations [other than the bed, like the kitchen, garage, etc.] new lubricant, toys or even try doing it outside the home [i.e. car, lake, etc.]. Or just maybe sometime make a great supper for him, something out of the ordinary. For example if your used to eating chicken opt for a steak dinner, complete with mashed potatoes, veggies and any other dish he enjoys. Really, sometimes a way to a man's heart is his stomach =)

Good luck to you!

MRS.S

I must state right off ,I am not an expert.I am just an average person with some life experience.

One thing I would suggest is that you do not approach him with a negative,such as *You never want to have sex,what is wrong with you*?

His instinctive reaction is going to be defensive and he is going to turn off emotionally.

Men,generally speaking ,associate their sexual prowess with their virility and manhood.

A better approach would be* I* miss our intimate times together,I feel such desire for you*.

You are not pointing a finger,you are using what are called

*I *statements,instead of *you* statements,which is like pointing a finger and being accusatory.

I would also suggest boosting his ego.Tell him how proud you are of him,how much you appreciate the hard work he does to support your family.Men respond to emotional caresses as much as women.

I would not expect him to change overnight but I think if you continue to approach this problem from a different angle you will see improvement.

It sounds to me like you have set the situation up so you have to stay in the relationship by getting pregnant, plus, you are able to continue to complain about your sex life!

What's with you, girl? :)

I recommend therapy so you can get to the bottom of your motivation with young man.

Best wishes, :)

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Originally Posted by mudweiser

If I read right- maybe he isn't into pregnancy sex- there are a lot of men whom are uncomfortable with having sex when a woman is pregnant, it's actually very common.

Try discussing the situation at hand in a different manner. You may be pointing the blaming finger without noticing it. If you are saying "You never want to ________" or "You used to ___" then this may be the problem. Most people don't like listening to conversations, let alone want to deal with a person who is simply placing blame and complaining.

Try different techniques. Try saying "I would really like to try ____ tonight, are you okay with that?" or "I feel at my best when we are having an active sex life, it makes me feel great when you _____". Chances are by replacing the YOU with US and making the YOU's into a positive manner he will feel a tad more encouraged to ravish you.

It's not only the man's job to initiate it. For this entire month, you initiate it! He'll soon get the picture that you want to have regular sex and soon enough he'll be tapping your shoulder late at night for some nooky.

P.S. Sometimes it's just a little spicing up that's needed. Try new positions, different locations [other than the bed, like the kitchen, garage, etc.] new lubricant, toys or even try doing it outside the home [i.e. car, lake, etc.]. Or just maybe sometime make a great supper for him, something out of the ordinary. For example if your used to eating chicken opt for a steak dinner, complete with mashed potatoes, veggies and any other dish he enjoys. Really, sometimes a way to a man's heart is his stomach =)

Good luck to ya!

MRS.S

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Thanks for your answer! This really helps, something I never realized that I really needed to!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by artlady

I must state right off ,I am not an expert.I am just an average person with some life experience.

One thing I would suggest is that you do not approach him with a negative,such as *You never want to have sex,what is wrong with you*?

His instinctive reaction is going to be defensive and he is going to turn off emotionally.

Men,generally speaking ,associate their sexual prowess with their virility and manhood.

A better approach would be* I* miss our intimate times together,I feel such desire for you*.

You are not pointing a finger,you are using what are called

*I *statements,instead of *you* statements,which is like pointing a finger and being accusatory.

I would also suggest boosting his ego.Tell him how proud you are of him,how much you appreciate the hard work he does to support your family.Men respond to emotional caresses as much as women.

I would not expect him to change overnight but I think if you continue to approach this problem from a different angle you will see improvement.

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Totally helps, thanks for the advice!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Choux

It sounds to me like you have set the situation up so you have to stay in the relationship by getting pregnant, plus, you are able to continue to complain about your sex life!!

What's with you, girl? :)

I recommend therapy so you can get to the bottom of your motivation with with young man.

Best wishes, :)

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Ok not true. I'm actually quite offended by this. I consider myself a smart person and I think that totally catagorizes me as not smart at all. Just so you know the pregnancy was an accident, not on purpose. But you know I got great advice from some other people so that will do.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Choux

It sounds to me like you have set the situation up so you have to stay in the relationship by getting pregnant, plus, you are able to continue to complain about your sex life!!

What's with you, girl? :)

I recommend therapy so you can get to the bottom of your motivation with with young man.

Best wishes, :)

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Choux, this is your expertise isn't it, making a stupid judgment out of 2 unrelated events?
The OP's concern over lack of sex + the fact that she's having a baby on the way
DOES NOT MEAN SHE'S TRYING TO TRAP HER BF BY GETTING PREGNANT!!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by mynameanony

Ok not true. I'm actually quite offended by this. I concider myself a smart person and I think that totally catagorizes me as not smart at all. Just so you know the pregnancy was an accident, not on purpose. But you know I got great advice from some other people so that will do.

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I don't understand, Choux, the stream of judgmental advice on various threads based on nothing I can see or read. You've done it to me (in a very painful way), you've done it to other people. In response to my somewhat joking thread - and everyone's joking replies - about a "fetish" phone call I got from a pretty much total stranger you posted to the effect that I shouldn't have phone sex with this person, that this is not how a quality person behaves.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/adult-...-302001-4.html

Where did you read that I was having phone sex, was considering having phone sex or anything in between? And you think I need you to tell me how "quality" people behave? Do you actually read the posts?

Perhaps you should follow your own advice and consult with a professional in order to determine why you are so obviously unhappy and judgmental and why you read certain things that no one else sees into questions - and why you answer questions that no one asks.

The fact that you have strong opinions does not make them correct, appropriate or even necessary.

Where is this coming from? Did you forget your reading glasses or your heart?