Hi I'm a 21 year old girl, who 2 1/2 years ago started dating a 23 year bloke called Tom. Everything was perfect with him as he was honest, kind and real gentleman to me. We lasted 4 months as he didn't know what he wanted and wanted to be single again. I was devastated as you can imagine as this was my first proper relationship with somebody I cared about. But still we kept in contact because he was being honest with me and most importantly I wanted to keep his friendship.

After about 2 months of both being single we realised we missed each other and started seeing each other again, but he wanted to take it slowly this time as he was scared of hurting me. We became even closer this time and fell in love. Everything was going great as we reached out 6th month anniversary until one night he told me he didn't want to be with me anymore. I was devastated and angry with myself for getting involved with him again. I felt so stupid and I hated him for making me feel like this but at the same time I forgive him for being honest as I knew the worst thing he could have done was cheat on me. We became just friends again.

After a only a week of being single I met mark who was 19, we became friends and started meeting up in clubs and bars, we kissed but that was about it. He was really good looking, better looking than my ex and he really wanted me. We arranged to go on a date but got cancelled due to me being scared of getting hurt again but I never mentioned that to him.

I know your going to think I'm stupid for doing this but I started sleeping with Tom again, nothing in it just sex, but we knew where we were with each other and didn't care of the concerquences that could have happen like getting hurt, we just wanted fun.

That lasted about 2 months until I met Mark again. We arranged to go on another date again. I told Tom about this as I wanted to be honest with him because we were still friends. He was jealous but realised I was happy with him and we became friends. Everything was going great with Mark as he was really fun to be with and felt like I could be myself around him. I even met his family which was quite a big thing for me as I never met any of Tom's family. Sadly it only lasted 2 months. It ended because he was only 19 and I'm 21 and didn't really understand what being in a relationship meant.

About a month ago I started meeting up with Tom again, just as friends and we have became close again. I've started having feelings for him though, we kiss when were drunk and talk on the phone all the time but still remain friends. I asked him the other night if we could ever be together again properly and he said he didn't want to hurt me ever again and couldn't go through another break up with me, he says he does still loves me and I do still love him.
I do think to myself if we carry on the way we are now like kissing when were drunk and phone calls everyday that one of us will get hurt when we both meet someone else. He asked me if I could take a chance on that and we both might get back together one day when he knows he what he wants and won't hurt me again. But I know I can't go through another break up with him again. Also I can't keep away from him...

DO I TAKE A CHANCE?

H

Tom sounds like a nice guy but he seems very unsure of himself. Given the circumstances I'd forget about him and move on. He obviously is not relationship material. With him you'll have to be willing to settle for "on-again, off-again" according to his whims. It doesn't sound like that's what you want and frankly I don't blame you. You'll only let him use you if you get caught up in that dynamic. Move on with your life, date others and don't focus on Tom.

Your right. One of you will end up hurt again if you continue like this.

I thiink it is best if both of you just move on.

You are putting too much energy and importance into Tom.
It is fairly clear he doesn't seem to want the commitment of a relationship.

I think you should just move on and be single for a while.

Look after you, be fun, be happy, join a gym, educate yourself further. There are so many other things to do then just worry about boys all the time.

Look after yourself and be happy and someone great will come along when you least expect it.

Good luck and keep us posted.