Hi!! I am dating this wonderful guy whom I have known as a friend for 6 months before, we spent a lot of time together, going camping and enjoying each others company, eventually I realized how wonderful he was and we began a relationship. We have been together for two months and it has been pure bliss. Twelve months ago my man went through a tough break up and now he is currently waiting for a date for a court attendance as this woman is taking him for half of everything, he has no children and works hard seven days a week and finds it very hard to relax, the communication between us both has been great until a week ago when he went quiet and I knew there was something wrong, I asked him and he snapped at me and he has hasn't been the same since, I really don't know what to do as I feel very uncomfortable every time he is around me as I feel like I'm walking on egg shells. When I try to talk to him he thinks I'm starting an argument and it was never like that before. I recently underwent surgery and I couldn't have done without him, he would do anything for me and his support is profound, I am trying to support him the way he supports me but he just seems so cold and hostile and I can't continue this relationship with the gut feelings I have to deal with everyday... Please help me understand his behavior!! ^Thank you Creativetash!!

I think personally that he needs space... when you back someone in a wall like the courts are doing to him, then you come along, he's going to snap. Girlfriend and boyfriend take their anger out on each other because they see them most, and they tell them more, and they know what they are really feeling but don't want to admit. All that causes loved ones to vent to the other. And that's what he's doing. Hes taking his anger out from the courts on you, and while its not heathly or right, it doesn't mean he doesn't love you anymore or that things won't get back to that sweet place. Once things are settled back to his normal he will feel comftable to open up again, to apologize, to let the small things go. But for right now, he needs someone to let him be, and not add more to his plate. He is dealing with a lot and the small things like normal conversations can seem like a burden. But its not personal. The best way to support him right now is to let him be, and clean up and try to make less things for him to deal with. On tues does he take out the trash? Take it out for him and now he has one less thing picking at him.
Hopes this helps!
Best of luck

Only he can tell you what is going on... but he might not even know himself.

As already stated... you might need to give him some room.

That doesn't mean be his doormat. That doesn't mean put your life on hold.

I've loved women at the "wrong times"... when life just got in the way and it was bad timing. This might be the case.

I've also loved a women when we needed to come together, back off, and then come together again. There was a need to step back, adjust, take stock, and move forward again.

So... I've mostly told you nothing.

He might need a little room to settle before he comes back. He might need to back away because he isn't ready. He might need to back away because it isn't right. He might not even know why he needs to back away.

Sorry you are in this place.

I think you need to back off. For yourself and for him.

He isn't allowed to help you but then control you through hostility.

That isn't sustainable.

So... at the very least you've had the support of a person who is in a difficult transition. Its OK. Tough on you and tough on him.

But moving forward... I think you need to worry more about yourself, and less about him. If he doesn't come to you... seek you out... then he might not be ready for you.

Some people are really good at helping others, but cannot accept it themselves. by helping you it may help him avoid his own problems.They may feel powerful when they come to your rescue, but when their own problems arise they just want to be left alone. It is a little co-dependent. If he wants to experience his pain alone, just let him. I don't believe it is a reflection on you. Just let him know you are there if he needs you.

This sounds like the first real trial that your relationship has undergone.

It may very well indicate how he manages his stress.I would say not too well.

I would assure him that you are there when and if he is willing to talk but to freeze you out and jump on you is uncalled for.

He should also be told that you do not appreciate feeling as if you have to walk on eggshells.

He is also still suffering backlash from his previous relationship and that may be making him a bit gun shy.

Tell him how you feel and if he can't cope with the truth,you may need to rethink the relationship.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by artlady

This sounds like the first real trial that your relationship has undergone.

It may very well indicate how he manages his stress.I would say not too well.

I would assure him that you are there when and if he is willing to talk but to freeze you out and jump on you is uncalled for.

He should also be told that you do not appreciate feeling as if you have to walk on eggshells.

He is also still suffering backlash from his previous relationship and that may be making him a bit gun shy.

Tell him how you feel and if he can't cope with the truth,you may need to rethink the relationship.

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... Thank you for your reply! I have walked away from this relationship as I'm fairly strong minded and like to be treated with respect. I am hoping he will think about what's happened and apoligize as you don't know what you have until its gone and I want him to realize that!!

While I think your reaction is emotional, I think its necessary to stand your own ground.