Hey everyone;
This is sort of a long story so I'll just cut to the chase. I was in a casual relationship with this guy. We started hanging out at the end of summer as friends then we took it a little further. As this started happening I also moved 2 hours away for school. We spoke everyday and saw each other almost every weekend.
This past month things have changed. He's suddenly become a workaholic and is super busy all the time. He wants to start his own business. Making money is his number 1 priority right now. I'm glad he's doing what he wants and is working hard to get it (although he doesn't seem happy because he's always tired and frustrated). My main focus now is school and being able to pay my bills. Neither of us want to lose sight of what we want in our lives by being tangled up in some lovey-dovey romance which is why I liked what we had.

I haven't seen him in about a month and the last time I went into town we barely got to see each other because he was so busy. It was almost a joke... we met somewhere to eat a quick meal and it felt like it lasted 5 minutes. He looked so worn out and exhausted. When we parted he told me he wasn't sure when our schedules would let us meet again but we'll still talk like we always do.

Now instead of talking every day it's just a couple times a week. Usually sparked by me asking him how everything is going. A couple times he did send me a text first to see how something went.

I don't want to be annoying, but I can't figure out if he even wants to talk to me. He might be responding just to be nice. So I'm thinking of just not sending him any and seeing if he contacts me first. We haven't texted in over a week (which is the longest we've gone without speaking). Is that a good idea? I don't want to make this a big deal. I'm still living my life normally and not really letting it get to me. It's not the end of the world. I can't help but miss him sometimes and I don't want to lose a friend.

I just hate how guys don't talk about stuff. They just let something fade out and hope us girls 'get it' and figure it out for ourselves. I hate assuming things which is why stuff like this bothers me. Everything points in one obvious direction: what we had is fading and we're both heading in opposite directions. I just wish he'd say something to me then just slowly disapearing. I don't even know if I should still call him my boyfriend. Does he still consider me his girlfriend? I don't know.

Sorry for my rambeling. Just had to get some things out there and see what others thought about the situation.

He may of taken the easy way out, but its obvious you are not a priority in his life, so take the hint, and let it go. Not all relationships work out the way we want them, and sometimes you have to adjust, and leave people alone.

From what I could see, money shouldn't be the most important person in his life. It should be you, I think he is taking you for granted or trying to show you a sign. Your relationship should be the most important thing in his life not work.

I would say stop contacting him for a while and let things work out. Do your own things and if he wants you he ll come find you but why should you give him your time when he's not willing to give you his time? It would be hard to be with someone like him but you got to ask yourself do you really want this to work? Do you really love him? Is things going to change?

Maybe its time to move on if you don't feel like you can do this anymore and find someone more willing to give you his time.

I think you need to go see the movie... "He's just not that into you." Sorry to be so blunt, but if he really wanted to be with you, he shouldn't have you guessing whether you are boyfriend and girlfriend, to begin with. I think you know, you just need confirmation. Trust your gut honey, if it doesn't seem right, it isn't. It will hurt, but move on. There is someone else out there for you that will treat you with respect. Set the bar high, and don't lower it for any man. You teach people how to treat you, and that is a fact. Don't settle for anything less.

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Originally Posted by none12345

From what i could see, money shouldnt be the most important person in his life. It should be you, i think he is taking you for granted or trying to show you a sign. Your relationship should be the most important thing in his life not work.

I would say stop contacting him for a while and let things work out. Do your own things and if he wants you he ll come find you but why should you give him your time when he's not willing to give you his time? It would be hard to be with someone like him but you gotta ask yourself do you really want this to work? do you really love him? is things going to change?

Maybe its time to move on if you dont feel like you can do this anymore and find someone more willing to give you his time.

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I am sorry, but this is garbage. This guy and myself have a lot in common. Not everyone makes having a girlfriend their number 1 priority! My priority in life is education and work right now, and not a girl. I don't mean to be blunt, but the world doesn't revolve around a significant other. This guy isn't into you, and has other things on his mind. That doesn't mean he is a bad guy, it just means he has different priorities, that's all. Welcome to the real world. When you are young priorities change all of the time, and some of us choose not to make having a significant other the main focal point of our life.

It also doesn't even seem like you two had much of a relationship to begin with. If I were you, I would just move on and treat this like you two aren't together. It doesn't sound as if it was ever that serious. Could he have handled this in a more mature manner, absolutely, but that is besides the point.

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Originally Posted by kctiger

I am sorry, but this is garbage. This guy and myself have a lot in common. Not everyone makes having a girlfriend their number 1 priority! My priority in life is education and work right now, and not a girl. I don't mean to be blunt, but the world doesn't revolve around a significant other. This guy isn't into you, and has other things on his mind. That doesn't mean he is a bad guy, it just means he has different priorities, that's all. Welcome to the real world. When you are young priorities change all of the time, and some of us choose not to make having a significant other the main focal point of our life.

It also doesn't even seem like you two had much of a relationship to begin with. If I were you, I would just move on and treat this like you two aren't together. It doesn't sound as if it was ever that serious. Could he have handled this in a more mature manner, absolutely, but that is besides the point.

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I don't mean the relationship has to be the main focal point in his life. I just mean that you ll at least need to contact and spend some time with them.

People that don't have time to share, are best left alone, period. Takes two to make a couple.

He want's to get his life started, it looks like, and making a business is terribly difficult. Especially in such a time as our own. Of course he still cares about you, he still thinks about you, but every time you enter his mind something work-related covers it up. The whole moving two hours away probably wasn't good for the relationship in any way. Continue to talk with him, but perhaps you should start thinking about a new future. Your personalities could very well just be turning into opposites.

-Mouse

Quote: I was in a casual relationship with this guy. We started hanging out at the end of summer as friends then we took it a little further.

What do you mean by "then we took it a little further". What ever that means could be the basis of the problem.

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Originally Posted by letmetellu

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What do you mean by "then we took it a little further". What ever that means could be the basis of the problem.

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I mean we were just hanging out... we'd go out to eat and watch movies. Then one night we made out and after that we started acting more like a couple. Kissing, holding hands, 'other stuff', etc

Just to clarify some things though... we enjoyed spending time together and we weren't very deep... if that makes sense. We weren't "in love" and never said it to each other. We cared about each other, but we basically just continued hanging out like we had before. We were like good friends only we kissed and made out and did those other things.

I do agree with some of the posters on here. I do not want to be his #1 priority, I want him to focus on what he wants to accomplish in his life. Like I said, I have things I have to focus on too like school and work. But I figured we'd still talk at least and maybe still hang out when we both have time. Which might happen, but I don't know.

I love it when girls talk about guys being douches. The truth is guys are raised to fear emotions because it's for chicks and queers? We were raised by being told to suck it up pansy . And sometimes we're afraid to say what we need to say because we might get emotional saying it. Guys take notes, gentlemen don't fear emotion they embrace it. I can't tell you what he's thinking, and I don't really know enough about you or the situation to say what's going on. But what I do think, is that he should grab his nuts sack and say he's just not feeling it right now. An ex girlfriend of mine with a similar story just got annoying after a while. I didn't have enough talk time on my phone and every word I heard was a complaint about how she misses me and how everything sucks. Very attractive. But I did really like her at one point and I stuck with it too long, until the point where the long distance relationship would eat at her if I couldn't answer the phone. She became needy, defensive and even hacked into my Facebook to see my activity. I had to break it off for both of us to collect our minds. And the truth is the time you spent waiting for him you could have found some other wonderful guy, or likewise for him (finding a girl lol). In time the true strength of your compatibility will show if when at the right time and place comes and you start dating again or not. Sometimes relationships just won't work out because of money problems, distance, jealousy, but the most common problem is communication.

I definitely don't want to come off as needy or clingy. I had that problem in my last relationship and I learned from that experience. I saw it from the other point of view and realized how annoying that could be.
So I really hope I'm not coming off that way with him. I'm not pining away for him and texting him every minute telling him that life sucks and I wish he was with me. It's not like that. Just every few days I ask him how everythings going.

Actually I have seen that "he's just not that into you" movie. It's funny, I went to see it for my best friend's birthday and that's also when all this was sort of starting. I'm not really into romantic comedies and most of the characters annoyed me in some way (but I did like the jen anniston/ben affleck storyline). I think it would have been better if they showed it from the guys view point as well (b/c girls can act like that too)

Have you asked him what he thinks is happening to the relationship?

I hate asking guys what they think is happening in the relationship because I almost feel like that is "planting seeds" in their minds that the relationship is going downhill and it is time for them to bail. However, I also believe that sometimes guys are doing just as you suggest; letting the relationship fade so they can get out of it easily. This whole situation annoys me because I can absolutely relate to what is happening here. I feel like this is almost identical to one of my previous relationships.

Anyway, the best that I can suggest is to talk to him and pray that he doesn't say "we aren't communicating/connecting as well as we used to." All relationships take work and maybe he doesn't want to work on it. This annoys me too; that they didn't want to work on the relationship.

That's the thing, if they are into you, they make sure you know. When they don't you can take something from that too!

Then its up to you what you do with that information.