What do I do?

I’m 41, feeling 60

Chased my dream and it didn’t work out; haven’t found anything of interest since

Little income; little prospects to ever retire

Back and wrist pain

Scattered work history. Dislike most of my previous jobs

I don’t see myself having much of a future (career, vacations, family, retirement)

I don’t see the point of my life, no direction, no meaning…I drift, struggle

I have no faith in higher powers or things just “working out” as others suggest. Never been religious and the realities of the world leave me with little spiritual faith

My father died at 59, grandfather died at 63. I see my life as more than 2/3 over without much to show for it

I know most of the world has it worse but that does nothing to comfort me; all I can do is feel worse for them, not better for me

I want to create and control my own life but apparently I don’t have the discipline to work it

I hate working for others but cannot choose something to do on my own

I lose interest very quickly once the novelty of something new wears off

I have never been dedicated to anything; even to my one job of playing guitar; little discipline

Impossible time in choosing any direction; little interest in more schooling. I have looked at tons of schools, hundreds of career paths, taken career tests

I feel like any possible date deserves better and doesn’t need my issues; they have their own

Friends are fleeting; they do what is best for them

I feel programmed with my patterns of thinking even with all the self-help books I read

Every friend I have ever had was because I was proactive in all conversations. Same with (my few) dates, they never seem to ask about me or make any moves, it’s all up to me.

So how I feel about myself obviously affects how I project to others and apparently women see right through. I have never been good at faking it.

I eat pretty well but constantly tired; I want to work out for energy but tired which will only get worse as I get older.

I definitely feel my “best” days are behind me; hard to see past that, and there weren’t many “best” days

Very envious of others happiness and success. I wish the best for everyone and have no anger towards them; just inwards. Cannot stand to go to weddings as my depression sets in intensely. Same with events with lots of parents talking about their kids. I don’t fit in there at all.

Tired of being women’s go-to guy when they need help

Tired of doing things alone all the time

Odds of me finding an attractive woman without kids/doesn’t want them or has tons of baggage is slim to none

Very frustrating watching who my female friends date. What they say they want vs. who they choose

Hi, lostinlife!

You sound pretty down on yourself. What sort of good things have happened in your life?

If you would like, I have an activity that I like to do with people on this site that might help you to feel better about yourself and give you some hope. If you're interested, please let me know on this thread.

Thanks!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Clough

Hi, lostinlife!

You sound pretty down on yourself. What sort of good things have happened in your life?

If you would like, I have an activity that I like to do with people on this site that might help you to feel better about yourself and give you some hope. If you're interested, please let me know on this thread.

Thanks!

---

I had a descent upbringing, no one to blame my problems on but me. I had a great girlfriend over 10 years ago. I have a job; nothing that interests me or pays well but it's a job. I play a little guitar; but a very average musician. What else good has happened in my life? That's about it. What kind of activity are you referring to>

1st, it sounds like you are suffering from some form of depression. Have you considered counseling?

Do you have any hobbies? There must be something you enjoy doing... the key is finding a way to earn a living while doing what you like to do. You imply that you attempted to make a career of playing the guitar, but couldn't dedicate yourself. If that's true, then you don't enjoy playing the guitar.

I know it's hard to break out of a deep funk - I've been there. But positivity breeds positivity.

You complain about your friends, but friends usually treat you the way you treat them.

Life is not easy. It's easy to see how others have it better than you, but the truth is that everyone has their own problems.

Sorry to tell you, but 41 is not old. Life expectancy rates continue to climb. You say you are probably closer to being half way through life, not 2/3. The choice is yours - how do you want to spend your time.

I recently went through a very, very difficult time with my career and finances. I know how easy it is to slip into self pity. You have to be proactive about getting out. Get out of the house. Spend time with friends. Go for long walks - the exercise and fresh air will make you feel better. Make a list of all the things in your life that you are thankful for - like you said, you have it much better than much of the world.

Incredible things can come into your life when you least expect it. But they will never find you if you are closed off to opportunities.

[QUOTE=jjwoodhull;1623675]1st, it sounds like you are suffering from some form of depression. Have you considered counseling?

I had years of counseling and years of depression meds, which I will no longer take. They screwed me up even more (prozac, effexor, wellburtin, etc... )

I still enjoy playing guitar, just never got very good at it. I don't seem to learn very quickly or even absorb material that others seem to.

No other hobbies. Little energy. Try working out but I hate it and I feel more tired afterwards.

I haven't given up... yet, but getting really close to it. Thanks

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by lostinlife

I had a descent upbringing, no one to blame my problems on but me. I had a great girlfriend over 10 years ago. I have a job; nothing that interests me or pays well but its a job. I play a little guitar; but a very average musician. What else good has happened in my life? That's about it. What kind of activity are you referring to>

---

The activity to which I'm referring is writing a song. It could also be just an instrumental piece too. I'm currently working on a song with a young lady on the following thread.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/writin...ve-330210.html

If you're interested in doing something similar, please let me know on this thread. Expressing yourself musically may be a way that you can help yourself.

Thanks!

I'm sorry to say that you really beat yourself up pretty good in this post. It seems like you're almost too good at beating you're self up. Maybe it's time to start patting yourself on the back for trying and failing, it doesn't seem like anybody else is. And read this book "Awaken the Giant Within." It's by Anthony Robbins, it's a big read and a big commitment but you'll know exactly what I mean about being in control of your mind and life when you're done with it.

I would suggest "Focusing." Really helped me, Google it. It's a method that gets your mind to focus on your feelings, body and wordless answers. So much of feeling sad comes from the past and our expectations. Are you, by any chance an adult child of an alcoholic?

Hi again, lostinlife!

My offer still stands, if you're interested. You already know something about the mechanics of music.

Thanks!

A couple of things here. First, I am SO Sorry that you feel so depressed. It sucks and it makes it VERY hard to do what you should do to turn it around. I'm really surprised that none of the anti-depressants haven't worked for you. I went through several and zoloft was the one for me. Were you diagnosed with clinical depression? If you have always been depressed and unmotivated, it sounds just like dysthymia. Definitely a chemical imbalance of some sort. Don't give up on doctors.

Second. You have labeled yourself a loser and there is so much power in what you label yourself. Your negative talk is self fulfilling. Start a gratitude journal. Everyday write down 5 things that you are grateful for. Doesn't have to be earth shattering. Sun on your face. The smell of freshly cut grass. A good meal. If you do this long enough, you perspective will shift. You will begin to be aware of what is good and not replay the negative stuff in your head.

When you change the way you look at things...
The things you look at ... will change.

Depression WILL make you fatigued. See a GP about your depression and have a physical while you are at it. I always take notes with me into a doctors office. It helps me get the most out of the visit. Copy your post you presented here, and take it with you. It will give the doctor a wealth of information. The more he knows, the better he can help you.

I am sending well wishes your way and I hope and pray you get to the bottom of this. You are way too young to throw in the towel. Good luck..
.

So, are you going to return to this thread that you started, lostinlife?

Thanks!

I am exhausted trying to feel better. It's all I ever think about. No more meds. I am done with them. None ever worked. Therapy never worked. I read AWAKEN THE GIANT WITHIN. All it did was reveal how far off my life is from the way I thought it should be. I tried meditation, I tried focusing, I tried hobbies. Nothing ever brought me pleasure. I can't even remember the last time I slept with someone.

I don't know why I came here; not sure what I was expecting. Well, thanks anyway everyone. I am done. Finished. Game over. Thanks for trying though. Have a nice life.

Wow,do you ever sound like I do.

I have been medicated for the last 13 or so years and still have no clue as to what this is all about(42 years old,now)

See! You aren't alone. Now you have each other to talk to about this and that's a good start. Stay in touch with each other. Share your stories. Learn something from each other. You might even get a chuckle or two out of the absurdity of it all. They don't say misery loves company for nothing. It's true. There is nothing like having a good confidont that knows what you are going through. I wish you and KBC the very best. You are even the same age. Fate??

Hi!

Sounds like a mid-life crisis to me. I'm not there yet, but I'm sure that you are not the only person experiencing this.

Try doing some volunteering. It's a great feeling being able to help others. It will make you feel better because you are doing some good for others. It will also give you a chance to socialize and make new friends.

Just a piece of advice, when you meet new friends, maybe don't talk about your problems. These problems will eventually be in your past. You have to move forward with your life. Focus on what's ahead of you and not what could have been...