Hi all,

This isn't so much a relationship questions as a psychological question. It's been a while since I've posted on here. Basically, I broke up form a three year relationship a year ago (almost to the day). In a nutshell, she began getting a little too friendly with one of her colleagues and I simply left as I didn't know how to handle it. The last I knew, she was going on holiday with him last June, so I would imagine it was getting serious. I haven't heard anything about her or him since.

It took me about nine months to get to state where I can confidently say I am "over" her. Basically I don't miss her anymore, and the feelings of pain attached to the relationship have subsided. I don't hate her anymore, and even the ridiculous doubts I once had about future relationships have gone.

The odd thing is that for the past 8/9 days I have had dreams about her EVERY night, usually involving her telling me that she wants me back or us getting together etc. Over the past year I have never had any conscious recolection of these sorts of dreams, so why the hell are they coming to me now that I couldn't care less about her? On the off chance, can anyone interpret dreams?

You say you're over her, that you don't have any feelings toward or against her, but from what you said I can gather that you still subconsciously want to love her again. It seems like the relationship ended very suddenly and after three years of loyalty. That kind of breakup usually leads to one's slow suppression of emotions. That process for you took about nine months. Now that you feel completely fine with the breakup you're starting to let all those emotions come back, at least on a subconscious level. The reason for it coming out of no where could be that you saw something that reminded you of her, or perhaps you even saw her. Once you love somebody, those feelings are almost impossible to get rid of. I wouldn't recommend getting back together with this person, if she can cheat once she can cheat again. Find somebody else to get together with, somebody you already trust and care about and vice versa, over time even your subconscious will replace the feelings for your ex with the new feelings for your new girlfriend.

-Mouse

Some dream experts will say that your subconscious is telling you something.

Here's another approach. Every few months over the past 5-6 years, I have this re-occuring dream that I really like my friend. But in reality, I wouldn't even consider a relationship with her and that hasn't changed.

I know it's not the same thing, but the point is that you don't need to put too much emphasis on dreams.

Instead of trying to understand the dreams, you should ask yourself, while you are awake, whether you still have feelings for her.

Hmm I find that if I have a dream that stands out, I will dream about the same thing over and over for a few weeks. Not sure if this is the case for you.

Try reading or watching a film before bed.This might help.

Thanks guys, yeah that all makes sense.

Mouse, I had a kind of idea that it was the subconscious finally letting go of the feelings, or bringing them up for some reason. I don't miss her per se, just what we once had I guess. And no, I would NEVER get back with her. Things are going pretty well at the moment and I'm really enjoying the single life (it's unbelievable how your attitude changes over time and NC). There's been a couple of fantastic girls since and I've had a great time, although they didn't really work out.

I wish - Yeh I see you point, a dreams a dream. It's your conscious thought that matters. I'm definitely over the relationship on a conscious level, and not even looking for relationships as I'm too busy with other stuff (career, sport etc). So why this has come up now I have no idea.

Misssy - I don't really think about it that much. The thoughts just seem to pop up recently in dreams. Thanks anyway