I have been in a serious relationship with my boyfriend for just over a year. He just turned 57 and I am almost 49. I must add that I have been widowed twice, the last time was in 2004. It seems that as the relationship has evolved, he has started looking at me more as a mother figure than a girlfriend and future wife. His mother is still living, and even though she lives several hundred miles away, they seem to have a good relationship. But he continues to forget to take his medication, and when I remark on this, his response is "I forgot and you are the only mommy I have now, you need to remind me". Also when we are at the grocery store, if I ask him what kind of fruit or snack he wants for the week, he usually responds with "You tell me what I need, you are the mommy" This is driving me crazy and I do not think I can handle much more of this. I don't know if I am doing something to add to this behavior, or if he is just a needy man with some sort of Mother complex. Please help me.

I would insist that he stop calling you Mommy,that is just plain creepy.
Is there any chance he is experiencing early onset Alzheimers?

My best friends mother was diagnosed in her late 50's.Id does happen.

I don't want to sound like an alarmist but this seems like rather bizarre behavior.

Have you noticed any other odd behaviors?

It is possible that he is having fun with it, not thinking it bothers her. Come on now he is half century year old and forgetful and husbands and wives, or boyfriends and girlfriends need to help each other out.

Does he show you he cares for you in anyway? Have you ever treated him like he can not take care of himself?? I do not know there will be many view points here, but I am just saying it could be nothing at all.

How long has this been happening for and have you ever told him how you feel, if you have not then you need to.

I agree that it's a little weird to call you "Mommy". OP, how does he say it, is he being sarcastic, maybe he resents you taking control? I don't know, just brainstorming here.

Or does he expect you to do things that he can do for himself? Has he always been this way or is this something new?
Otherwise, how is the relationship?

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It is possible that he is having fun with it, not thinking it bothers her. Come on now he is half century year old and forgetful and husbands and wives, or boyfriends and girlfriends need to help each other out.

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I agree ,me and my BF are both 54 and we always are looking out for one another,its just the Mommy thing and I think if it was sarcasm she would have pointed that out.
I guess the OP has to answer these questions,if she comes back :)

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Originally Posted by nikosmom

I agree that it's a little weird to call you "Mommy". OP, how does he say it, is he being sarcastic, maybe he resents you taking control? I don't just brainstorming here.

Or does he expect you to do things that he can do for himself? Has he always been this way or is this something new?
Otherwise, how is the relationship?

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Yes, he has been sleeping much of the time. He has some health problems that I knew about early in the relationship, like high bp and a minor heart problem, but has regular checkups and our local VA hospital, but at times, I have a feeling that he is not telling me or the doctors at the VA the whole of things. When I try to talk to him about this, he says that because I have already lost 2 husbands, I am overreacting to his health. Maybe I am, but I have a strong feeling that there is more to it. I feel that he needs to have a complete checkup, both physical and mental. I realize that I am being a bit guarded with him, but I don't think I can go through this again. I feel that I must look out for my well being. I just wish that he would be more forthcoming about his health.

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Originally Posted by sookie1907

Yes, he has been sleeping much of the time. He has some health problems that I knew about early in the relationship, like high bp and a minor heart problem, but has regular checkups and our local VA hospital, but at times, I have a feeling that he is not telling me or the doctors at the VA the whole of things. When I try to talk to him about this, he says that because I have already lost 2 husbands, I am overreacting to his health. Maybe I am, but I have a strong feeling that there is more to it. I feel that he needs to have a complete checkup, both physical and mental. I realize that I am being a bit guarded with him, but I don't think I can go through this again. I feel that I must look out for my well being. I just wish that he would be more forthcoming about his health.

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He is a vet,is there any possibly that he could be experiencing P.T.S.D.
(post traumatic stress disorder)
Sometimes these things don't show up for years.

Thank you