As some of you know, I broke up with my ex about a month and a half ago. Since we broke up I have found out some very disturbing information about her, such as I was only a fling, she only had sex with me because she felt bad that I was a virgin, that she started seeing someone else a week after we broke up. And with this info, and some hints she gave me while we were dating, I'm starting to think she may have been cheating on me.

First, it was a long distance relationship. We lived approx. 70 miles from each other. At first things were great. Then out of the blue, she decided to take a break from sex. Which I accepted without too many questions. Then she didn't want to talk on the phone every night. She said she felt like she was on a schedule. Then her work place. I never knew where she worked, while she knew where I worked. In the beginning of the relationship she told me she will show me someday, but then she just right out refused to show me. She even told me she didn't want me to know where she work. For the final ingredient, the guy she is dating now works with her.

Now, that my head has cleared a little, I'm actually starting to put the clues together. With all the hints and clues I listed, it makes sense that she could have been cheating, at least to me. I think I need some outside, unbiased input away from friends and family on this. I even confronted her once about it, and the only thing she said was, "Are you F****** serious!?" Nothing more than that, which only strengthened my suspicion.

Currently we are at the NC stage, which I admit has help quite a lot. However, I need some clarity on this. It's eating away at me for just not knowing. I don't plan on getting back with her, or talking to her for quite a long while. Just need to know if my assumptions or correct or if I'm just being unreasonable. Thanks in advance and sorry for being so long. -Chillaxguy90

It does seam quite suspicious that she never wanted you to know where her work was... unless she was embarrassed for some reason of where she worked.. ooorrr she didn't want you to surprise her at work and find her on a lunch date with this other guy. It is impossible for anyone else but her to give you the answer though. If I were in your shoes I would feel the same way.. and I would now think she was cheating on me all along. Some people get mad when they are confronted about cheating.

Since you are no longer together what difference does it make? You need to leave her alone permanently.
She may have been cheating and it sounds as though you were a bit naïve. You should have been suspicious a while ago but she owes you nothing now.
You need to learn from this and let it go.

I know it doesn't matter and there is no way we are ever going to get back together, but it doesn't mean I don't want answers. I should have seen this awhile ago, yes, but she has this way of giving information that is believable. It's merely curiosity and a way of definite closure. If you were fed this information about an ex, wouldn't you want to know the truth as well?

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Originally Posted by Chillaxguy90

I know it doesn't matter and there is no way we are ever going to get back together, but it doesn't mean I don't want answers. I should have seen this awhile ago, yes, but she has this way of giving information that is believable. It's merely curiosity and a way of definite closure. If you were fed this information about an ex, wouldn't you want to know the truth as well?

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I recently broke up with my ex come to find out she was seeing another guy for about a month and still is. When we finally broke up I handed her stuff to her and got into the car and left. There was about 123435325 questions I wanted to ask her.

The answers to these questions would not change any outcome I knew that we would never be back together. What I'm trying to get to is that sometimes you will never get the answers and will just have to move on. Maybe she doesn't even have an answer herself.

You said your currently doing NC, give it time those questions in your head will slowly die down and will eventually get to the point where you don't care. Keep your head up :)

I am quite a bit older than you, so I see things differently. No matter what someelse told you about her, the fact is she is gone and obviously will not want to come back and hopefully you won't want her back.
I would not want to know because what would be the point. What would come of your knowing? You would be more hurt and angry and what good would it do?
If it is not true, you two aren't together anyway, so again, what would be the point. When you are truly over her none of this will matter. In the meantime, Let it go!

It does seem suspicious and although you might need some peace of mind, is it really worth it to find out the truth? I think that even if you could get confirmation from us if we think she cheated, or from her that she did cheat... will it make you feel better?

I think sometimes, no matter how painful something's have been we just need to see that it was a bad situation and then find away to move on with our life and learn from our mistakes... and the mistakes made by others.


I'm glad NC is working out for you. So don't let the thoughts of this get so bad that you feel the need to ask her... and thereby breaking the NC... you might just find yourself back at square one.

What I do suggest however, is try to make some peace with this and fast and don't let it eat away at you... you can't change the past.

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

I am quite a bit older than you, so I see things differently. No matter what someelse told you about her, the fact is she is gone and obviously will not want to come back and hopefully you won't want her back.
I would not want to know because what would be the point. What would come of your knowing? You would be more hurt and angry and what good would it do?
If it is not true, you two aren't together anyway, so again, what would be the point. When you are truly over her none of this will matter. In the meantime, Let it go!

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You are right, and I apologize if I sounded a bit harsh. Everyone is right. Not knowing right now is tough and confusing, but after thinking about it, getting my answer will only make it harder for me to let go. Bring up new problems and take longer for me to forget her. Thank you guys.

You're welcome.
I wish you well.

Don't worry about what you can't control, because as your healing advances, so will the questions you have, become a lot more apparent. You will see things clearer, and start to understand the red flags that you have ignored.

I can feel for you man.we have some similar details.my flags were as red as yours.a lack in sexual desire, her behaviour changed, more arguments and in the end "i dont love you anymore".the red flags are always the same... I am starting to understand women more... just like you, I couldn't see anything suspicios till my emotional dust settled down,or better say I always ignored my doubts because they always were there in the last months of my relationship.I ignored them because I was blinded from love and could never imagine she would do that to me.and anytime I was aking her if she was going out with guys, she was saying the same as your ex did "are you serious",and getting like upset that I asked her.and then I was thinking"shiit.how could i doubt at her.she is perfect.im an idiot being so suspicious".I was blaming myself... but no.my 6th sense worked great but I didn't believe in it. I believed her words all the time.then the break up came.firstly she didn't give reasons for that but at the end under some pressure I made her,she confessed that she cheated. She said she just liked another guy and didn't go further with him... so she cheated to me emotionally. That is all I needed to know.the real reason of our break up was another guy.
A lot of our story details are the same.my ex cheated and I don't know about yours...
In conlusion:
The truth may be hard at the beginning but it is better to know it.for me it helped.I would feel unexplained if I wouldn't know the truth because I did nothing wrong to destroy the relationhip.my relationship lasted 3 years and I was getting ready to get engaged with her.. I would feel some guilt without that truth, because she tried to blame me that she didn't love me anymore,trying to avoid the real motives.but I couldn't believe to the bla bla bla she was saying because every reason she was giving for the break up wasn't making sense.I am glad to know the truth,really glad and I would fight for it. If you were a good guy,made things right and had a real realtioship with her than you shouldn't be afraid to know the truth.it can be hard in the beginning but it will make you heal faster and I'm telling this to you based just on my experience.
This is just my opinion from my experince.dont get based on it.I hope it helps to make a good decision.

The more time you spend worrying about what happened in you're the past, the more things you miss out on the future. You will never get a straight answer from her, so don't worry about finding out the truth.

I almost broke NC with her today. ALMOST. Not to confront her about anything, just to talk to her. Gosh I want to talk to her so bad. I feel like I'm getting worse everyday instead of better. It's been over a month since we broke up and I thought I would have been over her. Something just had to remind me of her though. We only dated 5 months, I didn't think it would take this long.

You thought wrong, but you did the right thing by hanging tough. Be patient.

To your question I have a question of my own. Why does it matter? The relationship is over, dwelling on this will only make you feel worse.

-Mouse

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Originally Posted by A mouse

To your question I have a question of my own. Why does it matter? The relationship is over, dwelling on this will only make you feel worse.

-Mouse

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I really can't say why it matters. I have this uncontrollable urge to know things, and I usually pursue for answers without thinking of the consequences. Somehow, I managed to not break NC and ask this on here. I may not have gotten a direct answer, but you guys did give me strength and new knowledge for later down the road. So all in all, I think this was a win-win question for me; I didn't break NC and I learned something from it. So I thank you guys.

Best of luck to you.

Hey man, stay strong! Once someone enters your life, yeah you don't forget, but that doesn't mean you have to let it overwhelm you. Think of it like a drug... you just have to make it through the tough times and BAM you find that it gets easier and easier.
If you really think she cheated on you, well DON'T TALK TO HER. Talking to her will only give her the power. It is never a good thing when an ex has that power over you.
Stay strong and Don't worry about it. Go work out or something. That always helps me!

Ugh, it's always on and off with her. One minute I can think of her and say, "oh, okay, whatever." Then the next I want to drive to her house and be with her like old times. I can't seem to get her off my mind. I've been told to think of all the bad things she has done to me, that I should be angry with her because of it. The thing is though, the only thing bad she has done towards me, I never witnessed. I heard it through the grapevine of her friends, nothing I can prove. So instead of thinking of the bad, I think of the good. I do still think of what her friends told me, but I never get angry, just upset, with myself actually.

See, I promised myself that my first relationship wouldn't end like this. Not saying it would have been the "one", just not me being with someone who treated me like crap in the end and wrap me up in a bunch of immature drama. So what do I do in my first relationship? I go out with an immature high schooler. I broke my own promise to myself without even realizing it till it was too late. I got wrapped up in all that immature high school bullcrap. I don't know, she really hurt me in ways I couldn't imagine.

She broke my trust, not just towards her, but in general. I'm scared that I'll have a mindset that my next relationship will end up being like this one, where I was lied to constantly and used from the get go. I know my next relationship probably won't be anything like this last one, it will most likely be better. However, it's still hard to shake that thought, I'm scared it will always be in the back of my mind and affect me with anyone new that I meet.

I'm sorry, I just need a place to write how I'm feeling. Writing it down has always helped me a great deal, plus you guys have been such a great morale support through all this time. I thank you all for bearing with me all this time, and all the advice you have given.

I have seen better vents, but Airing your feelings, hopes, and fears does help most. This is the place to do it, and not let those frustrations give way to impulsive behavior.

We know what your going through, and your not alone.