SO, my boyfriend says that he doesn't know how to talk to me sometimes. How do I respond to this? How do I make it easier for him to be able to talk to me?

I probably see his point because according to you, you are either sleeping or working and don't have time for anything else. I guess that leaves your b/f out.

Tick

1. Listen...ask...Listen... hold your thoughts until he's done talking.
2. Ask him questions "sensitive questions" when you're about to sleep w/lights off, when sitting leaning on each others back or when you're driving. He's talking, you're listening but you are not looking in each others face. Sometimes talking looking at each others face feels confrontational that discourages thought.
3. Ask him to write. Flow of thoughts is smoother when you write it. It also gives you liberty to review your points, choose best words first

Listening is half of communications. Less talking more listening.

Also, you have to be available to him.

working, not listening, sleeping, and no time for S E X. How do you manage that !

confused tickle

1) Pay attention to what he has to say
2) Respond accordingly
3) When giving advice, respond to the best of your abilities

Sadly you can't make him open up to because than your be pushing him and when you push someone they push back or retreat. So when you want to solve a problem, make it about you.For example: let's say you want him to be more affectionate by giving you a hug every now and again. You can say "It makes me feel loved and secure when you give me a hug". That way you are asking him for something that pleases you and most people like to please their partners. It makes it a request for something, rather than a demand and it also is a much less aggressive way of getting what you want.

You can apply that method to almost anything in your relationship. And when you get what you want, make sure that he knows you appreciate it.
 
Now everyone knows communication is the key to any type of relationship. If he can't talk to you how is the relationship going work? It won't! Your be going through the relationship wondering about things which will lead to you second guessing everything. No one should have to go through the "wondering" relationship (which is an awful feeling, btw). He's your boyfriend and should want to be your confidante; if he's not willing to do that, you might want to really think about whether to resume this relationship..

It's all about compromise, trust, and communication. So he has to meet you halfway and be open about his feelings and able to and comfortable to discuss his life with you. If a relationship lacks compromise, trust, and communication you might be heading down a path of unhappiness.

Also, sometimes you can get the ball rolling by starting the conversation. Hopefully he picks up on what your doing and join in and starts opening up. Either way, don't let this issue die.

Good luck and I hope it works out and everyone advice helps.

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Originally Posted by tickle

I probably see his point because according to you, you are either sleeping or working and dont have time for anything else. I guess that leaves your b/f out.

tick

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We get time together, he works just as much as I do, and we have our day off together.

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Originally Posted by tickle

working, not listening, sleeping, and no time for S E X. How do you manage that !

confused tickle

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We do have time for sex.

Please do not assume that I do not listen to him. This has been repeated a lot. This is not an issue. He's never had a girlfriend that's been a friend first, and I think he's still adjusting to the change.

I think there has been some confusion. I don't mean that he can't talk to me about ANYTHING. It's just that sometimes he gets frustrated or overwhelmed with situations and shuts down, and doesn't know how to convey his feelings.

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Originally Posted by ChihuahuaMomma

I think there has been some confusion. I don't mean that he can't talk to me about ANYTHING. It's just that sometimes he gets frustrated or overwhelmed with situations and shuts down, and doesn't know how to convey his feelings.

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I know what you mean. My husband says that at times. And what he means is "sometimes when we're having a heavy conversation I don't know how to explain myself properly so you understand my point of view without having any misunderstandings".

Maybe that is what your guy is trying to tell you. If it is, what I do when my husband and I are talking. I first off make sure the T.V. is off and we're both face to face and are able to really hear each other out. Then when he explains to me and I reach a point to where I am confused I grab his hand or squeeze it, or give him the finger [no not that one- the one that means "one minute" or "hold up"] and then I ask "when you said _____ does it mean ________". He'll either answer yes or try to explain himself better. Don't feel stupid by asking questions because well it avoids misunderstandings and tell him that he is free also to stop you at anytime if he feels he no longer understands you.

MRS.S

Thanks for the advice! That's helpful. We talk. I just think that he's spent so long with no one to really confide in, that he doesn't know how...

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Originally Posted by ChihuahuaMomma

Thanks for the advice!! That's helpful. We talk. I just think that he's spent so long with no one to really confide in, that he doesn't know how...

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I know what your saying, my husband, despite his rap sheet of skeezes, never really confided in anybody because like I said they were skeezes [lol].

The more you talk to better it gets.

MRS.S

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Originally Posted by mudweiser

I know what your saying, my husband, despite his rap sheet of skeezes, never really confided in anybody because like I said they were skeezes [lol].

The more you talk to better it gets.

MRS.S

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Yeah, I know what you mean. Anywhoozers, thanks for all the advice. Make sure to take a look at YOUR posts to see if anyone posted an answer to your question!

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Originally Posted by mudweiser

I know what your saying, my husband, despite his rap sheet of skeezes, never really confided in anybody because like I said they were skeezes [lol].

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Skeeze--that's a new term to me. Is it a synonym for skank? Or slut maybe? Give me the nuances and connotations.

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The more you talk to better it gets.

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This is true if both are willing, but I've had to learn that you can't MAKE somebody communicate who doesn't really want to do it. My wife has a number of responses that all seem to mean more or less the same thing:

• "I don't want to talk about it."
• "I don't know what to say."
• "Don't even go there."
• "I never thought about it."
• "I'm just not interested."
• "What difference would it make?"
• "Sounds like a personal problem to me."
• "What's the point?"
• "Who cares?"

There does come a point where you have to accept their choice. In my case, it took 22 years.

It doesn't sound like CM's guy is that far gone though, so maybe they can figure it out before it progresses and get worse. I really liked your suggestions about how to have a real conversation with a person about tender and delicate matters.

Thank you Ordinary...

No, it's not that bad, I'm just trying to break his shell. It's not that he refuses to talk to me, it's just that some things are easier to NOT talk to me about, and that's the thing that irritates me.

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Originally Posted by tickle

Then if that irritates you chi, you shouldnt be with him. If you truly love each other, have a good relationship, then you should not be having this problem.

And I dont know how you got so much mileage out of this thread, and absolutely no substantiating response from you, like you have tried, you are so oblique.

Just have done with it. Let him go if you can't TALK TO HIM ABOUT ANYTHING.

This thread goes on and on until you say you have LEARNED SOMETHING AND END IT.

You are less then i thought you were.

And you ask questions about your weight and you have that absolutely stupid avatar of you eating, WHAT CHOCOLATE. Where are you going with all of this. You need a break from working, relationships, diets, eating. So just lay down and let it all go, chi

I have never given up on anything my whole life, worked, worked and played when I want and had pets, played with them and loved ane absolutely loved having a relationship with a man I can talk to.

Boy am I done.

no not done yet. When you stop communicating from over work, over eating, not enjoying anything you do with anyone (you said you couldnt cut down your hours because you needed to make a livng) well, you will regret that when you are 50 or 60. then you are absolutely DEAD.

tick (disappointed)

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I don't give up when something irritates me, I love him and will go to any length to make all wrongs right. And EVERY relationship has problems. People have rough times, and good times. It can't be all peachy all the time.

Really? I never said that I tried? I disagree. We have a great relationship, but he still has a barrier up that will take me a while to get through.

I'm being called immature and you are calling me avatar "stupid"? That's not only rude, but crossing the line when you insinuate that I am "going somewhere with this". Please tell me where you think I am "going with this"...

Thanks for the caps on something that I clarified already, but thanks for reading the whole thread before you post a VERY rude post for no reason.

And I'm sorry, but you don't know me, so please don't tell me what I need. I'm very happy in my relationship, and with my jobs. I'm sorry if I choose to disperse my time how I want and not how society, you, or anyone else says that I should. It's none of your business. Also, please don't use "ammo" from other threads in this one, because that's not the point. You never answered my question. You were rude, and just told me to give up. Thanks for the help.

When did I ever say that I don't enjoy anything that I do with people? That's completely of the subject, and makes no sense. I love the people that are in my life, and love the time that I spend with them.

Thanks for the rude response, I don't know where that came from, but it seems to have been building up. I don't know what you have against me, but if you can't show some respect and dignity in my threads, please refrain from responding.