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-   -   Want my relationship to work but have lost feelings (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=332056)

  • Mar 21, 2009, 10:14 AM
    09sgarcia
    Want my relationship to work but have lost feelings
    I have been with my boyfriend for eleven months. He is the perfect boyfriend! He is attentive, affectionate, patient, caring etc. He is everything I could want to spend the rest of my life with. For the past eleven months we've spent all of our time together. And until the last month I felt so much love for him and I knew without a doubt that he was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.
    A month ago, literally overnight, I felt like I lost all my feelings for him. The next couple of days were so hard for me all I could do was cry and wanted my feelings back. I was so happy before and that's all I wanted. I talked to my boyfriend about it and he said he would be here for me no matter what and we could work together to make it work. So for the last month I've been trying to convince myself that the nagging feeling of doubt would just go away but it hasn't.
    This is my first serious relationship and I don't know what I would do without my boyfriend but the last couple of days the doubting feeling has gotten stronger and I feel like there is something missing in my relationship and I don't know what it is. Is this just a normal part of a relationship? Should I stay with him? Would taking a break from him help?
    As weird as it sounds I can't picture my life without him but I can't imagine being happy with him right now but I want to be.
  • Mar 21, 2009, 10:28 AM
    talaniman

    Take a break, and do something else besides be with him. You wouldn't be the first one whose feelings have changed about their partner, but you can take time to see if they have changed, faded, or just disappeared.

    What, you thought love was the only thing a relationship is really about??

    A life time is more than 11 months, much more. How old are you two any way??
  • Mar 21, 2009, 10:58 AM
    chicken dust
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by talaniman View Post
    Take a break, and do something else besides be with him. You wouldn't be the first one whose feelings have changed about their partner, but you can take time to see if they have changed, faded, or just disappeared.

    What, you thought love was the only thing a relationship is really about???

    A life time is more than 11 months, much more. How old are you two any way???

    He sounds like a good guy, " do this " put on a nice dress "no'' pantie's take a nice drive stop at a nice park have some good quickie sex and I bet you will feel better.
  • Mar 21, 2009, 03:44 PM
    I wish

    You should spend some time apart. During that time apart, you will either realize that you're better off without him or you really miss him.

    I think that you need to find the root of your doubts. You haven't said a single bad thing about this guy, but obviously something is missing, so spend some time to reflect on that and figure it out.
  • Mar 23, 2009, 11:31 AM
    09sgarcia
    Can breaking up because I'm bored lead to a successful getting back together?
    Threads merged

    . We broke up because I had gotten bored with our relationship and felt like it was going no where. Im 17 and he is 19. I can see us together later on but just not right now. Do you guys think that we could successfully get back together in the future?
  • Mar 23, 2009, 11:40 AM
    talaniman

    What if he changes his feeling like you did, and moves on?
  • Mar 23, 2009, 11:46 AM
    nikosmom

    You're still very young and there's a chance that he's not going to wait on you to get your head together. If you're not sure you want to be with him, leave him free so that someone else can come along.
  • Jan 16, 2011, 06:35 AM
    tasha87
    It is strange for me to respond to this question as I've experienced the opposing position of your situation. My boyfriend recently told me he had lost his feelings for me after having told me numerouse times that we would spend our lives together, go to prom, colledge, marry, have children, become grandparents and die together. Although, this isn't the first time he's had mixed feelings. He has told me that the past 3 weeks he's been uncertain of his affection towards me but tried to make sense of it and have the feelings again, all whilst acting as though things were perfectly normal between us. Only two days ago we confronted each other and he broke up with me, but gave me reason as to why he was uncertain of his feelings. Recently he has developed hidden feelings for another girl that he never truly got over, and in these new feelings, he got himself confused with feelings he felt for me. He says that he's done with love, because its deceiving, and things always change, but then again, he's always been a bit of a drama queen ;). I still love him with my whole heart and know I will never truly get over him, but I feel comfort knowing that we will be friends, which is good because even through out our relationship, the friendship we shared was one of the best aspects, I feel glad knowing that all promises were not broken and that we will always love each other and always be together.. as friends :). My advice to you is this, if feelings still do not emerge for your boyfriend break up and promise you will always be friends, and he will always be loved by you in THAT respect. Be happy with your new friendship and in the future, this friendship may developpe yet again into the romantic affection you once felt. I link MY recent breakup heavily to the fact that lately we've lost a lot of the friendship I loved so much, and getting back to it will be much better than him forcing himself to love me. Who knows, maybe he'll realise he does care for me in that way after having remembered how much fun we had together just hanging out, but until then, I'll find happiness with my new best friend :)<3

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