My ex recently broke with me,he was in my life for 4 years and I was his girl for the past 2 years. We had problems and I was in denial that we had issues. I always found girls numbers and text and calls at in appropriate times. I knew he was cheating I was in denial and never left him because I always told myself I don't have physicall proof and plus it wasn't what I wanted to be happening.. when we separated I was so hurt it felt like a part of me died.. everyday I wake up sick and feel my stomach turning. I immediately have to throw up when I get up and I feel sick when I go to sleep. I wish I could live a normal life but I'm always depressed I don't go anyway. I have not been to the gym in 3 weeks and I'm not comfortable with how I look. I'm getting to skinny because I don't eat. I'm used to being well proportioned. Nice thighs and glutes. Now I have skinny legs and my glutes are little I need a belt for my pants. I cry all day at work. There are times I just run to the bathroom or locker room just to cry.when I'm in my car or home I cry. I feel so hurt. I'm mad at myself for feeling this way because I'm 28,no kids,live alone,have a great job and I feel like I'm suffering.. I told him lets not call or text because it will help me heal. He kept coming around when I ignored him which is nuts because he wanted to be separate.I let him be so I could better myself I felt if I didn't see him or hear from him I would be better off.. I let him around and the other day I seen him in his car with the new girl and she just looked at me and smiled while fixing her hair with the look as if ha ha I'm here your not and he looked at me and laughed.he told my friend he was in shock when he seen me that he wasn't laughing I believe he was laughing. Just when I'm trying to better myself I have to see this. Now my emotions gotten worse and I feel I'm starting the healing process all over. I feel its going to take long.. I feel like I just lost my best friend and I feel so hopeless.. im so mad for crying everyday I'm upset it takes a project to get me out of bed. Why is it I'm hurting but I'm sure he's not.. im sure he wakes up every morning just fine and can eat... any advice from anyone because I'm mentally and physically drained I'm tired of feeling thi way but I don't know what to do.. they say it takes time... how much time of suffering?

Maybe you should go to your primary doctor and get put on some form of medication.

I didn't eat for close to two weeks (if I could post a picture you would be shocked.)

I went to my doctor and he prescribed me Xanax. The next day I was eating again.

But as of right now, get some fruit in yourself, grapes helped me the first days without the xanax.

Bets... I feel for you, I'm going through the same thing. Like you, I hate the waiting game.

How long have you been broken up for? I was the same as you. I couldn't eat and I lost weight. I cried all the time, it didn't matter where I was, on the bus, at college, at home my emotions was all over the place. Its only recently that I have pulled myself together and I've been broken up now nearly 5months. It takes time to get yourself back. There is still good and bad days, but things can only get better. You need to keep busy, this really helps. I find that if I'm at home I think about it more, if I'm doing something its at the back of my mind, it doesn't have my full attention. Slowly build up your eating habits, you said you like the gym, so go back to training. Improve yourself. Rebuild yourself. Sooner or later you will be feeling better.

As for how much time it takes I'm not sure. But remember life goes on and everything happens for a reason. You need to start looking after yourself. Its your time now.

What kind of support system, either family or friends, do you have. Have you isolated yourself and have no one to confide in or a shoulder to cry on?? Sounds like that is what you need.

Took me a month and a half before I was eating right, I lost 20 lbs. It takes forever for me to gain weight and only a few days to take off a years worth of work. I know exaclty how you feel. When I ate something I felt like it was coming right back up. But then you ask yourself... why am I doing this to me? This is the one body I will ever have and I can't ruin it because of one persons selfish decision. Start eating small things slowly. Things like egg whites helped me, they are rich in protein and are very simple to take in.

How long have you been feeling like this?
It took me more than a month to start eating normally again and even more than that to get a whole nights sleep without waking up every half an hour. It takes both time and effort for things in your life to get back on track. You need to fill your days with things to do even if you have to force yourself to do them. Start going to the gym. It will help you start eating again and sleeping better as well. You also need to start hanging out with friends and people whom you trust. Now is not the time to sit at home alone. You can also come here and vent whenever you feel like it. There are loads of people willing to help.

The way I see it he has done you a favor because you would have never had the strength to walk away from this. You are still young. Don't put your life on hold. You will still get rough moments but just let them pass and focus on the good ones. You have the right to feel down right now but you also have the right to make things happen and start moving on. He cannot hurt you anymore. FOcus on making it through the day. In time days will turn into weeks and weeks into months. Im not saying its easy but it is totally up to you now.

Don't be mad at yourself. The healing process takes a long time, and not eating in the mean time is one of the worst things to do. Talk with your doctor about it or perhaps find a support group to help you deal with your breakup.

I understand you have no motivation and are depressed but getting back to the gym is probably the best thing you can do for yourself right now.

The benefit of exercise is proven to reduce anxiety and depression.

It will also improve your psychological well-being.

I know it is difficult to get the motivation but I think once you get back to your gym routine you will find the rest of your life improving.

Have faith in yourself! You are a strong woman and you can do this. No man is worth this pain. After my divorce I cried all the time, couldn't eat... so forth. I just took strength in knowing that I am not the first to go through a break up and the eating thing, I would talk while I ate. I went out with friends, my parents things like that. One bite at a time. I would go for walks and things was well, to try to get my appetite up. Mind over manner. Tell yourself you can and you can. Say you must and you will. If you depending on how long you haven't eaten you need to see a Dr. so you don't hurt yourself more. I know I was put on strong vitamins to get me back to where I needed to be. And two years later I am at my target weight. It's weird, but good!!

All the best!!

Everybody on here is right. These things take time. I also lost a lot of weight after my first break up. I went to see my doctor and he thought I was anemic. He took a blood test and told me what I need to focus on. I had to make sure I was getting enough iron and I needed to exercise more.
Eventually my appetite came back. Vitamins help too. I tried to go out and keep myself busy. I went on a road trip with friends and a few baseball games and some faires and concerts. Honestly, inside I still felt depressed but it was better then just sitting at home crying all day. Nothing can make this time go by faster or easier, but it's important to remain healthy and try not to lose yourself. Each day you'll wake up feeling a little bit better.

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Originally Posted by what2do27

maybe you should go to your primary doctor and get put on some form of medication.

I didn't eat for close to two weeks (if i could post a picture you would be shocked.)

i went to my doctor and he prescribed me xanax. The next day i was eating again.

But as of right now, get some fruit in yourself, grapes helped me the first days without the xanax.

Bets...i feel for you, i'm going through the same thing. Like you, i hate the waiting game.

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I have not tried to go to a doctor yet because I wanted to see if I can just wean the feeling off naturally and just cry it out. That's not working. I have an appt with a psychologist today. Its my second appt. The first one sucked because its just a questionnaire on getting to know you. Today hopefully we can discuss things. Thanks for the advice sorry I took long to respond I just been in my depression mood.

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Originally Posted by Bets29

i have not tried to go to a doctor yet because i wanted to see if i can just wean the feeling off naturaly and just cry it out. Thats not working. I have an appt with a psychologist today. Its my second appt. The first one sucked because its just a questionaire on getting to know you. Today hopefully we can discuss things. Thanks for the advice sorry i took long to respond i just been in my depression mood.

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Thank-you for the update.
Good luck with your appointment.It takes a while to get comfortable talking to a therapist so give yourself time.
I am glad to see you have taken this step.I know it will be beneficial to you!

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Originally Posted by misssy111222

how long have you been broken up for?. I was the same as you. I couldnt eat and i lost weight. I cried all the time, it didnt matter where i was, on the bus, at college, at home my emotions was all over the place. Its only recently that i have pulled myself together and iv been broken up now nearly 5months. It takes time to get yourself back. There is still good and bad days, but things can only get better. You need to keep busy, this really helps. I find that if im at home i think about it more, if im doing something its at the back of my mind, it doesnt have my full attention. Slowly build up your eating habits, you said you like the gym, so go back to training. Improve yourself. Rebuild yourself. Sooner or later you will be feeling better.

As for how much time it takes im not sure. But remember life goes on and everything happens for a reason. You need to start looking after yourself. Its your time now.

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To tell you the truth I can't even tell you when we broke up because so much more has happened between us then what I wrote. The funny thing is that I was thinking that same thing. Im still losing weight. Im still crying. I just came back from miami from fri to Monday and I did not party once. I did not want to drink because I didn't want to feel emotional or drink and think about him and mess myself up. I went to clear my mind and relax and its soooooo sad that I just couldn't. Its sad I stayed in my hotel. I went down to the pool and sat in a chair I went to the beach and just started crying in the ocean. On the plane coming home I just put my shades on because the tears were dripping like rain on my face. Its so hard to not answer his calls. I don't answer them. Im staying away because it's the only way to get better. It is hard when your 4 1/2 years with someone and you think this is it. No more breaking up with anyone. You can live life and start a family or buy a house etc... Now its like I have to meet someone new and do this all over again getting to know them. Trust them. Just seeing who they are and starting my life over. Its hard because I never pictured starting my life over. Im not ready for that.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

what kind of support system, either family or friends, do you have. Have you isolated yourself and have no one to confide in or a shoulder to cry on??? Sounds like that is what you need.

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Support system... none...
I have 1 female friend and she says she doesn't know how I am the way I am. She says she wouldn't care and would just go and do her. I know if it was to happen to her she would be devistated.
Anyway... I never really had friends... my family would look at me like a fool if I told them... Im starting to see a psychologist... shoulder ? No shoulder I just let the tears fall there

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Originally Posted by heartbroke

took me a month and a half before i was eating right, i lost 20 lbs. It takes forever for me to gain weight and only a few days to take off a years worth of work. I know exaclty how you feel. When i ate something i felt like it was coming right back up. But then you ask yourself...why am i doing this to me? This is the one body i will ever have and i can't ruin it because of one persons selfish decision. Start eating small things slowly. Things like egg whites helped me, they are rich in protein and are very simple to take in.

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Trust me when I tell you that everyday I ask myself that question.
I can't even come up with an answer.
I have lots of anger in me to where I don't want to see him but then there's the feelings I go through where I miss him a lot.
The carzy thing is we could never be together because he will never change. He will always treat me fu***ed up... This I know for a fact but why di I misss him is what I'm asking myself if all I ever did for the ending was suffer.. Thank you for the advice... I just wish it was 2 months later then it is maybe I will be good...

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Originally Posted by busterite

how long have you been feeling like this?
It took me more than a month to start eating normally again and even more than that to get a whole nights sleep without waking up every half an hour. It takes both time and effort for things in your life to get back on track. You need to fill your days with things to do even if you have to force yourself to do them. Start going to the gym. It will help you start eating again and sleeping better as well. You also need to start hanging out with friends and people whom you trust. Now is not the time to sit at home alone. You can also come here and vent whenever you feel like it. There are loads of people willing to help.

The way i see it he has done you a favor because you would have never had the strength to walk away from this. You are still young. Dont put your life on hold. You will still get rough moments but just let them pass and focus on the good ones. You have the right to feel down right now but you also have the right to make things happen and start moving on. He cannot hurt you anymore. Focus on making it through the day. In time days will turn into weeks and weeks into months. Im not saying its easy but it is totally up to you now.

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I haven't ate 3 meals a day in the longest... I wake up automatically every morning at 4:30 a.m no matter what day or what time I went to bed and I just throw up. As soon as I wake up there's a feeling in my stomach that's nauseating. When I work the morning shift it's a shame because I'm up way before I need to be. As far as filling my days I don't know what to do with myself. I never really had friends in life like that.. I tried going to the gym and just cried on the treadmil at first I stayed on because I was sweating and no one noticed but it got bad and I left.. You have no idea how I try to not think about these things. I want to get up every morning day and night and just breathe easy and be able to relax and not worry. Im 28 years old and I'm mad at myself for feeling like this. I have my own apt, car and a good job and it sucks that I'm so pretty and can't hold myself up... I decided to see a psychologist I have an appt today, I want ed to wean this off and not be on medication to relax me because I don't want to ever have to depend on it. I guess we see what happens... thanks for the advice and the invite... As far as there loads of people willing to help, do you work in some type of counseling office ?

I don't work in a counselling office. When I mentioned about people willing to help I was thinking more along the lines of people like myself that have gone through a similar sort of thing not long ago and are willing to offer advice to help you get over this sooner.

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As far as filling my days I don't know what to do with myself

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Apart from the gym do you have any other hobbies? Something you always wanted to try but never managed to do? Have you thought of volunteering? You will have to push yourself to do things at this point. Just don't give up on yourself. You are stronger than you think. All that you are feeling now is normal, its your brains defence mechanism. You had painted a picture of your future that you felt happy with and you feel that this has been violently erased.

Don't be too harsh on yourself about the way you are feeling right now. Don't be mad at yourself for the way you are feeling. Your ego has been hurt and from the way you describe yourself I feel that this is something you have never experienced before, at least to this extent, and something you see as a weakness. But feeling the way you do is not a sign of weakness and you should not feel like anyone will look at you like a fool and even if they do that should be the last thing on your mind right now. Seeing a therapist might help. I don't think there is a specific recipe to get over all this, you have just got to find things that will make you happy again, but you also need to be patient because this will not happen overnight.

You sound like a pretty rational and driven person. All you need is time. You can't change things that have already happened but with time you will get your life back in order.

Take up some breathing and meditation course. There is an amazing course that helped me a great deal and immediately, it doesn't take years of counselling. Google it, it's called the Art of Living Course and it's offered all around the world. Www.artofliving.org. There is a particular technique which helos you flush out any negative emotions and heal very very naturally. Hope this helps! Try it.

I went through a very similar process, which I posted months ago.

I was 110lb and went down to 92. I am petite, but not that small. So you can only imagine how sick I looked after the weight loss. On top of that I was teaching a bunch of college students while taking my own courses as a graduate student. I had no energy and felt faint after class. I had cold sweats during teaching and even asked students if I could sit while I taught.

No one had any idea the pain I was going through. And, like you, I would cry every 10 minutes and often wish I would disappear in my sleep. So,
Your pain and unwillingness to accept the truth are understandable.

I also understand that going out and finding therapy is the last thing on your mind. If I had the energy, I would have looked for some professional help, but back then I just didn't want to move.

What really helped me:
I went up to a colleague and just told her everything (no, we were not that close). I asked her if she would eat lunch with me for a week after class just to make sure that I was getting food down. I'm sure she thought I was crazy, but people are willing to help. You just have to muster the courage to ask for it.

One more thought:
You do not miss him. You miss the memories, so don't get them confused.

Hope this helps.