I stayed true, and she had sex
I was with this girl 2 years before she broke up with me with no explanation. Six months later, she came back to me saying she made the biggest mistake of her life. I agreed to get back with her granted she take the time to gain my trust back and prove nothing like this will ever happen again. Upon coming back to me, she confessed the following:
1. Before we officially got back together, we went on a series of dates, where she criticized my personality and gave me false hope about being with her again. All the while, she was having sex and staying over at a guy's house, who I happen to know, and had hung out with us a couple for the longest time.
2. after I found out that she had been having sex with this other guy while seeing me and giving me false hope, we stop communicating again. (Although I still make it clear that I'm willing to forgive her, and move forward with her, she's not strong enough)
3. She starts drinking, and ends up having sex with another mutual "friend" of ours twice.
4. She moves on and starts to pursue yet another guy we are both mutual "friends" with. They don't have sex, but somehow they end up with each others hands down their pants.
This is around the time she comes back to me. We started dating for a few weeks, and it's the hardest time in my entire life. This has taken place over about 6 months, and I have not pursued a single girl. I had spent that time only trying to heal from her.
She confessed everything to me. She told me the classic "I was in a bad place, and didn't know what I was doing"
Now, I've posted about this situation before. But truth be told... I love this girl more than anything, but it's been months since we've gotten back together and the images of her and these guys having sex is too powerful for me to handle.
I want to be strong, and most days, we're happy together. But sometimes I fear what she did to me is too much to be forgiven.
I can't just be told to "get over it" "it's in the past". I don't care. I didn't do anything to hurt like this, and I'm tired of dealing with the images that hit so randomly it's almost paralyzing. I can't stand seeing vivid images of the girl that I've spent almost 3 years loving more than anything else in my life giving herself to not 1, not 2, but 3 guys I actually know, and have had previous friendships with.
If anyone has any advice on how to truly let go, and forgive someone who threw you aside to thoughtlessly give herself away countless times to sleezy guys other than "It's in the past, and you need to let go" Please let me know.
Because I've tried to accept that it's in the past, but I find myself wondering how someone can do that to someone they claim they love.