Ask Me Help Desk - Sole pysical custody?

If I have sole physical custody and he has joint custoday what legal action can I take to keep his girlfriend away from my daughter?

It sounds like you have physical custody, and your state allows shared legal custody with visitation. Is that right? Now mind - I'm not a lawyer but I've gone some direct personal experience with divorce (yuck!)

Generally, his time with your child is his time and it's his discretion that will determine who else is around her.

The best way to accomplish your goal is to simply talk to him and tell him, "you know, Tiffany is young and I would like for us both to commit not to have her around people we are dating until those relationships are very serious - like engaged. I don't want a lot of people coming in and out of her life. Would you be ok with not having your girlfriend around when you have her?" If he agrees, you've just coparented in a really impactful way. Make the stress on the idea that you feel it would be hard on your daughter to bond with someone who you, as adults, don't know with any certainty will be around a year from now.

If he's not cooperative with you, you would have to have some genuine reason that the girlfriend's presence around your daughter is inappropriate. For example if you are a non-smoker but the girlfriend smokes and you feel it poses a health risk and sets a bad example; or if the girlfriend has a history of alcohol abuse; or the girlfriend is nasty to your daughter or whatever. You may be able to get the court to issue a restraining order, which will restrain the child's father from exposing her to this person.

Be careful though - if you are just pissy because you don't like her, she broke you guys up, or whatever - just leave it alone. Let your daughter's life in her dad's house be her life in his house and know that you, as her mother, have the lions share of her influences in your hands. She will model herself after you. And if you bring frivolous gripes to the court, you will look pissy and immature and it can hurt you when the big decisions come around, so be careful.

To paraphrase - you can take no legal action to prevent it unless you can prove that she is a danger to the child. Not liking her or considering her a bad influence is not a danger, in the eyes of the court.

Quote:

Originally Posted by dontknownuthin

It sounds like you have physical custody, and your state allows shared legal custody with visitation. Is that right? Now mind - I'm not a lawyer but I've gone some direct personal experience with divorce (yuck!)

Generally, his time with your child is his time and it's his discretion that will determine who else is around her.

The best way to accomplish your goal is to simply talk to him and tell him, "you know, Tiffany is young and I would like for us both to commit not to have her around people we are dating until those relationships are very serious - like engaged. I don't want a lot of people coming in and out of her life. Would you be ok with not having your girlfriend around when you have her?" If he agrees, you've just coparented in a really impactful way. Make the stress on the idea that you feel it would be hard on your daughter to bond with someone who you, as adults, don't know with any certainty will be around a year from now.

If he's not cooperative with you, you would have to have some genuine reason that the girlfriend's presence around your daughter is inappropriate. For example if you are a non-smoker but the girlfriend smokes and you feel it poses a health risk and sets a bad example; or if the girlfriend has a history of alcohol abuse; or the girlfriend is nasty to your daughter or whatever. You may be able to get the court to issue a restraining order, which will restrain the child's father from exposing her to this person.

Be careful though - if you are just pissy because you don't like her, she broke you guys up, or whatever - just leave it alone. Let your daughter's life in her dad's house be her life in his house and know that you, as her mother, have the lions share of her influences in your hands. She will model herself after you. And if you bring frivolous gripes to the court, you will look pissy and immature and it can hurt you when the big decisions come around, so be careful.

Not going to give you a reddie here, but if the girlfriend smokes or drinks, it will not even be heard in court. Unless the OP can prove that these actions are being used to harm the child (GF gives child alcohol or cigarettes), what someone does is their business. Smokers can go outside and drinkers can drink when appropriate. A court will not issue a restraining order against someone because they smoke. It has to be a serious risk to the child... like abuse against THAT child.

The crux of this matter is that the father has just as much say in who his child is around as the mother does. When the child is with the father, it is his responsibility to care for his child and protect her. The other parent is allowed almost no say in the matter, in most cases.

Do you have a particular reason for this or just to irritate him? Give him the attached form.