Ask Me Help Desk - Unhappy in marriage

hi, I'm 24 and my husbands 38, we have been together for 6 years, married for 3 of those years I have one 1years old girl with him, he has been married before and has had one kid to his x wife, anyway , I was happy anough withhim till lately I feel like I don't want to be with him sexualy, unless I'm totally drunk, and I feel like I have traped my sef by having a kid, I am starting to want to go out with my mates, and I find myself looking at others guys , wating them. I have never felt like that . My husband does not allow me to go out with friends so I can't go out looking for any one to furfill my emptyness, I know it sounds wrong and rude? But can any one help me answer my feelings, whydo I feel like havingg sex withsome one else I love my husband , he looked after me since I was 17, but I think I love him as afather figure, I lost my dad at a young age? I don't know if that will help. But what should I do... and p.s... he looked after me when I ran away from home, I'm muslim , so I feel scread to look after myself to, that's why I'm still with him I guess, and I don't want to hurt him, OK so if you can help with any thing, even if you want to call me a slag please do hahah

Wow we are so much in the same situation I'm 23 he is 34 and I have a two year old and I'm pregnant my daddy was never around. We've been together for 5 years married for 4 and I can't stand him he fights for anything and he. Is sooooooooooooooo annoyin lol if u want to chat hit me up I guess we can give each other advise

You are in a tough situation but you say you love him. I wonder if he'd be more sexy and interesting to you if you saw him as your equal rather than as a father figure. I mean, father figures are not sexy! My suggestion is that you first not be so honest that you tell him that you aren't attracted to him or that you are attracted to other men. I know that today people feel the need to share every hurtful truth, but I think some things are better not said as they hurt and accomplish nothing.

But I do think you can say, "Dave, you know I was really young when we started our family and I really relied on you to take care of me, and kind of be this paternal figure to me in the absence of my Dad but I'm finding that I need a more mature balance with you now that we've been married a while, and I'm more mature. I think it's important for me and for our marriage that I become an equal partner with you."

Now you need to have in mind what that means. Do you want to go back to school part time and need him to watch your child a couple evenings a week? Do you want to return to work so you feel more like you are an adult, too? Do you want to continue to stay home full time but perhaps take more adult responsibility in the family - half the responsibility for money decisions, or whatever? What adult things are you not doing?

I have a feeling that it's not so much that you want a different man, but that you want to feel something different in yourself. YOu want to feel you've had some growth and intellectual interest and stimulation. And if your husband is smart, he will realize you will not forever be his 21 year old bride - you will continue to mature and close the age gap between the two of you. You'll always be the same distance apart, but it does close with time as at some point you are fully immersed in and identify yourself as a complete adult - you start feeling more like a grown woman with a depth you just don't feel in yourself at 19 or 20.

You can grow individually without leaving a marriage. You just need to identify something that will make you feel more vital, and gradually change what you've outgrown to something new that's supportive both of you and your family life.

And no, going out to clubs with your friends is not the right approach. Go to clubs only if your husband is with you - and as for your girlfriends, try a movie and a piece of pie, or meet for lunch. Or if you really want to go out for a girls night out, do so with other married women who respect their vows as you do.

dontknownuthin pretty much covered it. That's some great advise. The previous poster suggested talking. Do you have friends you can talk about this with?

No one has brought it up yet, so I will. Do you enjoy sex with your husband? Do you have orgasms with him? If not, that's definitely something to work with him on. I know you would have called me a world-class-slag at times, when my husband just wanted to please himself.

Quote:

Originally Posted by sheena685

Wow we are so much in the same situation I'm 23 he is 34 and I have a two year old and I'm pregnant my daddy was never around. We've been together for 5 years married for 4 and I can't stand him he fights for anything and he. Is sooooooooooooooo annoyin lol if u wanna chat hit me up I guess we can give eachother advise

Hi sorry took so long , lol yeah so I guess we are a bit the same lol, so what should we help each other with , advise wise

So how are things going? I hope you are finding your way through this well...