My husband and I have just recently split, his doing not mine. One of the main problems in the marriage was that he wanted me to work, I found this very daunting as I had been out of the work force for over 20 odd years bringing up children. Its not that I didn't want to work, it was more the fact that I didn't have any qualifications in anything and worried about what sort of job I could get. I should mention that the children are not this husbands children. Well the other day my husband apprently told my niece and her fiancée that if I got a job he would consider coming back and that he didn't want me sitting at home, he also said he needed my help in paying the bills etc.
Now he knows that would get back to me as he told my family, is he trying to tell me that if I get a job we will get back together? I should mention that I am not a lazy person as I did what a wife is suppose to do, cleaning, cooking etc and I did have my hands full bringing up 5 children the youngest is only 10.

Five children to raise full-time IS a job, and I respect that you made that choice (or sacrifice). It isn't easy to do, and you give up a lot along the way personally.

I would hope for your sake, that whether he comes back or whether he doesn't, that you make the decision to find something for yourself, even a few hours a week. With your youngest being 10, managing even 15 hours a week outside the home working for pay, would likely do wonders for your self-esteem.

Maybe it is time to focus on what you want, outside of the job you've done for the past 20 years. Something new, and something that has nothing to do with a husband, or kids.

I don't know where you are, but there are always local job banks, and help centres that for little cost, can give you assistance with putting a resume together, and seeing what's out there that might interest you. Job training, upgrading, skills courses, there are a lot of good people out there to help.

I don't know that it would be worthwhile for you to do this for your husband, but if you are doing this for YOU, you will gain so much more under your own steam, for your own personal satisfaction.

There are many like you, I was one myself for 13 years, and my education was outdated. I ended up working as a teaching aid, and then worked in retail (Sears) during . I was thouroughly intimidated by all that I had to learn, but, once I got past the hump and the learning curve stopped taking a nosedive, it was all good after that.

I met new friends, socialized, and really looked forward to going to work. The pay was a bonus.

As to your husband, it seems to me, he has to talk more about his marriage, than the bills right now. See if you can't get him to marriage counselling before too much time has passed to get him talking. Maybe there is more than just getting a job for you going on here.

Good luck.

I agree with Jake that if you decide to go to work it should be for you're your own benefit as much as to contribute to the family income.With 5 kids and day care costs so outrageous,it was probably more cost effective to stay home.Now that the children are older the burden of day care should be less.

I find it odd that your husband would not speak to you about any conditions for reconciliation but spoke to family members.
I would not take that as a given,until I spoke to him.

It seems to me that is a rather poor reason to sacrifice a marriage.I suspect there are other issues as well and this is only one.

Regarding employment,if it is at all feasible,you may want to get your feet wet by volunteering and seeing what the workplace is like these days.Familiarize yourself and you will have more confidence when it comes time to actually apply for work.

Some communities have *displaced homemaker* programs that help you get back into the workplace after a long absence.They help with resumes and job hunting.

Good luck!

Along the lines of what artlady suggested, many colleges will have courses for women re-entering the job market or entering for the first time. Might check to see what services are available in your area.
In today's economic climate, I can certainly understand your husband's desire for you to help out with the family income. His methods may not have been the most sensitive, however. Do have a talk with him and let him know you heard from your niece what was said. Discuss any concerns you have regarding going to work. Ask him what he suggests you look into. Give some thought as to what might interest you. It can be tough finding work right now so it may be a matter of getting anything to start with and then searching out other prospects as you gain some work experience, help with the family bills, and contemplate what you would like to pursue. Maybe going to school part-time to obtain specific training will be something to consider as well. This could be your opportunity to start a new chapter in your life as your children are becoming more self-sufficient!

It is certainly going to be to your benefit all around... if your marriage were to break-up, how do you think you would be supporting yourself? Every woman should be able to support herself because there are no guarantees that someone else will be doing it for you!

While I can understand why your husband would like you to get a job, if you do, do it for you... no one else. I think getting a part time job would be great for you though, meet some new people, get out of the house a bit.