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-   -   My insecurities are eating me alive (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=331051)

  • Mar 18, 2009, 07:05 PM
    barbiechick123
    My insecurities are eating me alive
    I feel like it's wrong to be single, every time I convince myself that it's normal I see someone holding hands etc. and I feel out of place, I really like a guy and he hasn't asked me out yet and my sister has always been like this so I feel that's where I'm getting these thoughts from. It has affected me for almost 5 months now and Im scared it won't change until I get a boyfriend. Please help me out here, I need it desperately.
  • Mar 18, 2009, 07:39 PM
    barbiechick123

    Anyone?
  • Mar 18, 2009, 09:16 PM
    xodani

    I think I know where you are coming from I know what it feels like to see someone holding hands or cudiling and wish that you could feel like that too. Its nice to feel wanted and loved but you need to learn how to make yourself happy. I think that watching your sister act like that deffinitly influenced your thinking but you need to learn how to be happy with out someone because you will end up throwing yourself into every relationship either too much or too soon and you will end up hurt. I think that it is better that you work on being single because making someone your whole world can be a very risky thing and you are going to need to know that you can be happy without someone otherwise you are going to end up very lonely and very depressed every time a relationship doesn't work out. I hope this was helpful.
  • Mar 18, 2009, 10:09 PM
    barbiechick123

    Thanks it did kind of help, and I really appreciate that you took the time to answer my question.. the thing is though, not to sound conceided, but guys do like me and I have been asked out a bunch of times, I just didn't date them because they were older then me and we had NO connection... so I don't just throw myself into a relationship.
  • Mar 18, 2009, 10:17 PM
    Clough

    Hi, barbiechick123!

    Are there guys your own age who are presently interested in you?

    Thanks!
  • Mar 19, 2009, 07:35 PM
    barbiechick123

    Yeah.. I mean,when I mean older guys I mean like one or two years older, nothing drastic. :)
  • Mar 19, 2009, 07:51 PM
    Clough

    Are you really picky about who you go out with and being exclusive with them?
  • Mar 19, 2009, 10:19 PM
    barbiechick123

    Well, right now I currently like a gy a lot and I'm sure he likes me too... I think he is trying to build up the courage to ask me out since we have been talking a lot lately..
  • Mar 19, 2009, 10:22 PM
    Clough

    What about the question that I asked concerning being exclusive? Is being exclusive with each other something that you like to do right away with a guy once the two of you have decided to start dating?

    Thanks!
  • Mar 19, 2009, 11:04 PM
    Silverfoxkit

    I understand how you feel. When I was your age and I saw other couples walking around all smoochy and cuddly like they were sewn together it made me feel the same way - insecure and self-conscious. I thought it would make me feel better if I had a boyfriend. I was wrong. Instead of feeling better it made me more insecure when they each inevitably ended. It took many years, tears and heartbreaks for me to figure out that I didn't need a guy and that trying to force a relationship only ended up hurting me more. One day I finally said I quit. I'm not going to bother looking for a boyfriend anymore. I realized that I didn't need that extra stress to be happy. Not long after I stopped looking I found the man that became my husband. Why? Because I was happy with myself and I was focused on friendship, not the need to be in a relationship. I'm not trying to preach at you or anything, and you may have to go through a lot of heartbreaks before you figure it out on your own.
  • Mar 19, 2009, 11:11 PM
    Clough
    Quote:

    Comments on this post

    artlady agrees: Good questions all and I love how you keep a conversation going! You the man:)
    Hey thanks, artlady! :)
  • Mar 20, 2009, 10:27 AM
    barbiechick123
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Clough View Post
    What about the question that I asked concerning being exclusive? Is being exclusive with each other something that you like to do right away with a guy once the two of you have decided to start dating?

    Thanks!

    No, if we started dating then I would wait until he brought up the bf/gf thing.. that or I would after a few dates, I wouldn't just say hey yeah were bf/gf cause you asked me out.
  • Mar 20, 2009, 10:43 AM
    lettsdothiis

    OK, so I'm going to say this now: I'm in EXACTLY the same situation only I'm bi so it'd be boyfriend OR girlfriend lol. SO here's my advice to you: don't just want something for the sake of having it. I did that a lot once and I broke the heart of one of the best guy's I could've ever dated because I rushed into it for the sake of having a boyfriend. Simply, if you really like him and your sure you won't make the mistake I did, ask him on a small date somewhere simple and see if it goes anywhere. If it doesn't enjoy the wonderful flavors of being single till he gets a brain and asks you out or you find someone else wonderful :D

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