Stop the stereotypes and oversimplification!
Hi. This isn't meant to be a question, but I'd just like to start a thread on my takes on (romantic/sexual) relationships.
I'm only in my mid 20's and most of my time is spent studying so I won't assume the knowing-it-all position, but I have travelled the world, and in the process I've been exposed to various cultural takes on relationships, some aspects overlap, some aspects show people do have different mentalities.
I'm open-minded and feminist-oriented (believing in gender equality, not in beating the crap out of men), but I'm not totally liberal either. I believe in fidelity. I judge cheaters and liars. I'm monogamous-oriented (I don't judge polygamy based on honesty). I'm independent. I'm not clingy. But it doesn't mean I will go pretentiously nonchalant about the fact that I want more from my men either.
I'm Asian, educated in Australia and Europe. I've never been to US but I've been exposed to American culture, and here is my point; oversimplication. In my pov, Americans tend to love their labels; nerds, geeks, freaks, emos, feminists, bimbos, sluts, manwhores, nice guys, girls next door, losers, jocks etc. True, those people possess the said traits you label them, but it doesn't define who they are. People are not that simple.
Same with men and women distinction camps. True, we're built to be physically different, and that the fact that women give birth and are physically weaker renders us to be socially inferior for millenniums. But we're not built to be intellectually and emotionally weaker. Science has proved that that're some sort of hormones associated when we have sex so women tend to be more emotionally attached. But the perpetuation of such stereotypes (guys are simply emotionally stupid jerks whose interests are only sport, food and sex while women are the victims in the relationship, and the so-called nice guys being dumped by sluts) on American media sickens me. No, men are not from mar and women are not from venus. We may be different but not THAT different.
I hate people (mostly men) who think women who are sexually confident are promiscuous and guys who act the same way are real men. I'm not saying that women should go sleep around like Samantha in sex and the city (she's a sexual addict btw), but what about men? Maybe it's because they behave that way for centuries it's become a norm, a normal DOUBLE STANDARD.
And all the fairytales and self-help self-proclaimed relationship books!! THIS IS MADNESS. You don't need someone to tell you what rules should you have in your relationships. You and together with your partner(s) make your own rules (or even not).
A lot of people who say having sex too early can ruin the good potential relationship. True, but guess what, that only happen when the other party (mostly men) are too shallow in respecting the woman less just because she didn't save herself before marriage. Another explanation might be that they discovered they really are sexually incompatible.
Yes, sex is important, it brings people closer, but not at all a key to the relationship (sexual relationships are the exceptions). My parents haven't had sex in decades, they fight over stupid things, but they're extremely strong together. I'm lucky to be in a loving, warm family.
Life isn't a fairytale. Yes, one lifelong marriage with your 'soulmate' is a dream of most people (me included), but sadly it doesn't always work out that way for many people. Those happily married don't need to preach or shove their happiness in any single/unattached ppl's faces. And those who are single, in FWBs or whatever don't have to act all cynical, or in complete negation that you don't need that kind of love and commitment either. Of course you can be fine, happy with your FWBs whatever, I'm not here to judge or preach, it's your choice, but at the end of the day (or towards the end of your life), don't you want a companion whom you confide in? Sometimes, one person is enough, sometimes it isn't.
I had an experience when all the pace seemed to be right, both of us patiently waited for the physical part, and before I knew, he ended things abruptly because he didn't want to get hurt. He's the most shy guy, the sweetest, cutest nerd I ever knew.
And my current one, the older confident colleague whom I slept with on a 2nd date, a lot of things about him seem to be fishy in normal social standards. We're not each other's love of our lives, but he shows me he cares, and there's no need to wonder why he hasn't called (That He's not that into you book is stupid, there's truth in there, but way too simplified). Yes, he's been using me for sex, but I've been using him for sex too. We're not FWBs (even in lovemaking between a loving married couple, there must be moments when you need pleasure for only yourself, don't deny that), it's just that we're still getting to know each other (so the I really love your personalities part is too soon), and since the physical attraction comes first, we've been having lots of sex. I'm not a victim of an older sex-craved guy as I doubted before. And I'm not disillusioned into thinking it's real love (what is it anyway?) and that I have to keep pushing for more commitment from him.
I'll stop posting relationship questions on any board, because I now know better :)
