I want to start by saying, in the past I've always dated or pursued a girl that I've been infatuated with. Usually it goes fine except for the "simple" fact that none of them loved me, or they weren't infatuated enough to wish to continue. After a few of these I met someone with a great personality, beautiful and different. Problem was I had no infatuation with her, no initial spark. After a while I decided to try something different and date her. It's been a year now and we both clearly love each other but I have yet to develop any infatuation with her. It shows in the way I think of her and the actions I take. Of course she notices and won't be satisfied until I treat her the same if not better than my previous girlfriends which she observed while I was dating in the past. Since I love her I would like nothing more than to give her the same treatment but it must come natural. I've never had to think about how I wanted to treat my previous girlfriends and I don't intend to force it now. It's not fair to her or myself. I don't know how it works. How do I become infatuated? Is it possible for her to get me infatuated or to get myself infatuated in her after a one year relationship?

I was so certain I wanted to be with my previous girlfriends so the fact that I'm uncertain with my current girl friend is killing me. Also although her beauty is enough to get me aroused I rarely find myself wanting to crush her in my love with all my passionate intentions as with previous girlfriends. She's trying her best to figure out how to get what she wants and I'm trying to figure out how to give it to her naturally. Infatuation has always brought out my best efforts and I would like for once in my life to be infatuated with someone infatuated in me.

Hi, KagamiD!

I think that I understand what you mean here about the infatuation. I guess that I would be more likely to call it a feeling where the person with whom I'm in love inspires me to do things that I wouldn't normally do.

In what ways do you love her, please?

Hopefully, others will also come along to address your question.

Thanks!

U must be my brother... I was with my ex for 5 years before deciding to break it off... not that you should! But... my story is that she gave me everything I needed and loved me so much it was hard to leave her... but it was also hard to stay because I wanted to be infatuated with her like my previous girlfriends... it never happened... and I felt like such a pig because here she was perfect on the inside but not hot enough to really make me feel she was the one... she just wasn't as attractive of a woman that I'm used to dating, but she was cute... the road has been rough so far but I'm determined to be happy 100%... I want the infatuation plus the inner beauty and for her too feel the same about me... I know she is out there... im going to keep searching... if your not infatuated to begin with... u probably never will be... now you can choose to love her and accept her for who she is, and be infatuated with how she treats u... but can you live the rest of your life like that... thats what you have to ask yourself... I hope you make the right choice... good ones are hard to find... and good ones that have killer looks is even harder... keep you head up

Infatuation,by its proper definition is not truly a positive that one would want in a relationship.I think what I can infer from your post is something more akin to passion.Or in your case ,the lack of passion.

My experience has always been ,either passion is present or it is not.It can't be forced ,it just is.There is an old expression* a man without passion is a fire without light*.Perhaps you can relate to that.

If you do not feel that passion,I don't believe it is likely that you ever will with this particular relationship.
I don't like to be a pessimist but I do not think you can force passion.

Sorry I could not be more hopeful of your situation.

This is a confusing post as what your definition of infatuation is unclear but maybe your growing and changing yourself, I think.

You say you both love each other so what's keeping you both together? What the heck is,

Quote:

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I rarely find myself wanting to crush her in my love with all my passionate intentions as with previous girlfriends. She's trying her best to figure out how to get what she wants and I'm trying to figure out how to give it to her naturally

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I think one thing stands out though, all your past infatuations failed and your still with this one... Infatuation may just be over rated.

Ok I'll try and respond to all three posts.

Clough: That's exactly what I mean. The inspiration to do what I normally don't do. I love the way she had a positive attitude all the time and always made me smile. I love the way she listens to me and slowly tries to satisfy, even though she's not sure of what she's doing. I fell in love with her over time and every time I wake up next to her and don't feel that will to thank god for this woman still being here I panic again. It was so easy before and why is it difficult when every other part of me loves her?

Flyboy7: Man you suck No seriously you were definitely in my boat. You're experience is my nightmare. I don't want to wake up 5 years later and realize we've wasted our lives on a futile attempt. I'm battling with myself wondering the same thing. “Can you live the rest of your life like that” as you put it. Maybe if I never felt the blissful addiction infatuation gives you I would be satisfied now. But knowing that someone else had more of my heart, soul and body than her is killing me. I'm hoping and trying to see if we can move forward and become more passionate with each other. But to avoid a situation like yours, I won't wait five years. I'll be reasonable and try my best for her for a reasonable period. Then if nothing changes, I'll free her heart from this chaos.

Artlady: Part of me knows your right and another part of me hopes you're wrong. Infatuation by definition is not as positive as it seems. But a proper balance of love and infatuation can be deadly. Is it wrong to become infatuated in someone you know you love as a whole, in reality? I'm hoping it's possible to become infatuated in someone whom you already love and wish nothing more than to give them everything.

Talaniman: The fact that I love her is keeping me there. The thought of hurting her for no apparent reason is heart breaking. I want to be happy and I want HER to make me happy. I don't believe infatuation is over rated. In the hands of a thoughtless obsession it leads to downfall. But if two people who strongly love each other are also infatuated in each other it becomes extremely difficult to pull them out of the world they share. As long as they have a healthy love why not put your body, mind and soul into it. Release the restraints that keep you from showing your love in ways you were afraid to before.

Thank you all for posting.