My husband says he wants sex all the time. He says "I just do that to him." I sometimes feel like he would be happiest if I was naked with my legs spread 24/7. When I don't feel up to it because I am in the middle of menopause and have an autoimmune disease (Lupus which causes achign joints), he sleeps on the couch because he says that "it's too hard to sleep in our bed when I know I can't have you." While it is a big compliment, it also grates on one after a while. He is 60 and I am 50. He also keeps asking me if I want to be with somebody else. I am feeling like he is trying to manipulate me into doing what he wants. When I don't offer myself up, he mopes and sulks like a child. He suffers from Erectile Dysfunction and seems to be controlled by his "little brain" rather than by the one on the top of his shoulders. There's a lot more to the story, but suffice it to say I feel anxious a good part of the time because he seems to just want to smother me. We are "newlyweds" in the sense that we have been married for a year and a half however we've known each other for over 30 years. Am I not being sensitive enough to his needs?

THere is a big difference between thinking about it and maybe wanting to do it... and being able to actually do it all the time.

Yeah guys think about it a lot... all day on and off in fact... but with that said the guy is being a total azz. In more ways than one.

he sounds like he is a bit obsessed with sex. he might need to see his doctor, and together you all can talk about his problem. while i guess it is "normal" in the honeymoon faze, sleeping on the couch because you can't have sex with him is a bit extreme...

At 60 he can very well be having age related brain chemistry changes... wouldn't hurt to have him checked out. Be sure the physician is fully aware of his behaviour patterns.

Just my opinion. He sounds needy, in an emotional sense, and is trying to use sex to fix it. I based this off "it's too hard to sleep in our bed when I know I can't have you." and "He suffers from Erectile Dysfunction."

But for the topic, yes. Some men are, some men aren't. Different reasons, at different ages.

Both men and women can have a high sex drive and this should not be worried about. There are ways to "tame" him without you keeping your knickers down all the time. There is nothing to stop you relieving him with your hand. It may be also the case that he has too much energy; in this case get him out through the day. Have him join a club or an activity where he is using up some of that drive. It may also so the case that he could do with speaking to someone about his drive.

He sounds like a man who takes prozac or some other sort of anti depressant... does he?

My ex took anitdepressents towards the end of our relationship. He was always always horny and emotionally needy. I also read erectile disfunction can be a side effect of anti depressents and along with a over active sex drive.

If that's not the case, It could be that he has erectile disfunction and every time he senses he gets a hard on he thinks he needs to have sex with you cause this could be the last time.. How he is acting about sex with you is not natural. I'd let him know that he make you feel like he uses you for sex sometimes and that you don't like the way he is concerning your sex life.

A doctor visit may be necessary.

Mmmm ed as well as way too horny? What the? You need to explain FULLY the actual situation Before and NOW as I am feeling that you are not disloseing EVERYTHING that may in-fact be important for me to give you advice.

At the same time what ever happened to masturbation?? I think he is using you rather than considering your medical and menopausal symptoms-uncaring is the term I would use... but tell me more.

YOur husband feels insecure, and is using a demand for frequent sex as a way to show his control over you. It has nothing to do with love nor is it flattering. It is a power move.

Are you doing stuff to make him jealous? Playing games? That kind of behavior can make this situation worse.

Best wishes in the future, :)

I'd wager money its early onset Senility, Dementia or Alzheimers based on his age and behaviour.

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Originally Posted by smoothy

THere is a big difference between thinking about it and maybe wanting to do it.....and being able to actually do it all the time.

Yeah guys think about it a lot.....all day on and off in fact...but with that said the guy is being a total azz. In more ways than one.

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I really appreciate everyone's responses. Thank you for your honesty. Sometimes when we are in a relationship, we "can't see the forest for the trees" and it helps to get the opinions of people who are not emtionally involved. I have been keeping a diary of different troubling events and when I look back at my writings, I can see that he's had big problems for some time. My problem is that I always think everything is my fault and I need to learn to put the onus where it belongs.

I left my home of 48 years, my job and everything I know to come and be with this man. I was married to his brother who died in 2004 from Lou Gehrig's disease (just three months before our daughter graduated), which is why I have known him for over 30 years. I came here in the fall of 2007 to bring this man some of his brother's things and for a much needed rest after helping my two children get on with their lives and then having my mother put into an extended care facility for dementia/alzeimers. My current husband had been divorced and living alone for 10 years and seeing him made me feel "at home again." He made me the following offer: "You're alone, and I am alone. Why don't you come back and hang out with me for the rest of our lives. Work if you want, don't work if you don't want, all I want is you." Without going into a lot of detail, suffice it to say, this was the best offer I'd ever received in my life. I went back, sold my home, gave my furniture away to all my girlfriends, quit my job, loaded the rest of my personal things into my car and came back here. I guess I saw this as a way out of a very negative past. My husband's former wife had many affairs throughout the course of their marriage and is currently working on marriage number 3 since they divorced. I suspect now, given some of the comments I have received that I am the recipient of some "clingy" behaviour based on his experiences with his former spouse. I am going to recommend that he get some help with it because I don't believe it's fair that I should have to pay for his insecurities. They are something that he needs to work on. Thanks to all of you for responses. It definitely helps to have my thoughts and feelings validated.