I have an 18 year old friend who has Kidney Failure :( does she have the right to stop her Dailysis Treatment? :confused:

I have an 18 year old friend who has Kidney Failure :(does she have the right to stop her Dailysis Treatment? :confused: even if it would couse her to die. Or would the docs not allow it and take her to court? :confused:

In which state or country does she live?

Utah

Why does she want to stop?

I guess she's just getting sick of being there everyother day for 3 hours and she has a problem with her arm she has to wear long sleeves all the time and being a teenager that gets to you you know not having time with friends wearing the same thing all the time...

Those don't seem like real big reasons for dying.

She has a say in her medial treatment, but is there a reason why she would want to stop it? Is she on a transplant list?

Yes she's on the list... shes just having a hard time with her treatment she has this weird thing in her arm that they put needles in it looks way bad she has to always wear long sleeveshe just hates it..

Yeah I know but no one can really change her mind about it.. but I can't really blame her I think id rather die then be on a machine or the rest of my life..

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Originally Posted by pshya

yeah i know but no one can really change her mind about it..but i can't really blame her i think id rather die then be on a machine or the rest of my life..

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But she won't be on a machine for the rest of her life--kidney transplants happen every day. Are you having more trouble with her dialysis than she is?

It must be difficult, but she is thinking in the short term right now... not the bigger picture. Many people get transplants and go on to lead wonderful lives. She would be giving up all opportunity for that. So she has to wear long sleeves for now... and she has to go for treatment on a regular basis... it's not fun, it's inconvenient, but it is short term.
She really needs to speak to her parents, trusted adult, the hospital counselor, etc.. Her feelings are not uncommon, but they are serious and do need to be discussed so that she can better see her future.
I hope you encourage her to speak to someone... she doesn't have to deal with her feelings on her own.

But she won't be on a machine for the rest of her life--kidney transplants happen every day. Are you having more trouble with her dialysis than she is?


No its just she won't talk to anyone else but me about her feelings about the treatment and I don't know how to help

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Originally Posted by pshya

no its just she wont talk to anyone else but me about her feelings about the treatment and i dont know how to help

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Does she HAVE to talk with you about her feelings? She will when she needs to, but don't keep after to her to "share." Talk about school and boys and teachers and movies and music and books.

Be there when she needs to talk... talk about things going on right now... boys, school, music, etc. as Wondergirl suggested. Talk about plans for the future... college, travel, boys some more, first apartment, jobs, etc..
In your talks, help her to see the bigger picture.

Welcome to the transAction Council

I try too... but she always manages to put her dailysis into it how it stops her from having alife going to college, etc... she has an excuse for every sobject we talk about she turns it around into a bad thing...

Maybe when she does that, it's time for you to put up your hand, like a stop sign, and say, "Stop! It makes me sad and even mad when you have an excuse for every subject we talk about and turn it around into a bad thing. That's what a martyr does. You are not a martyr! Let's look at the big picture here. Now, tell me -- what is the big picture?"

Check out the link on the previous post. It has a good deal of information for both of you. There are several areas for offering support to someone going through the experience of waiting for a transplant.

There is no reason why being on dialysis should keep her from attending college, working, going out with friends, etc..

That "thing" is her access. They are unsightly, especially to a teenaged girl. If she's on a transplant list, I really hope that she sticks it out a bit longer. However, going off dialysis is a personal choice. She's pretty ill at a very young age. I wish her and you the best.

In NY, yes, you can stop dialysis if that is your choice.

My husband was a dialysis patient and I don't think the "average" person realizes what dialysis entails, how painful it can be, what the side effects are, how difficult it is to count ounces of fluid, how sick you are when you go into the facility and how sick you are when you come out. As far as her shunt, yes, they are visible, have to be protected, can clog and periodically need to be cleaned out surgically. I think it's also hard for teenagers to be different, to be the person who needs dialysis to stay alive.

The good news is that she's young, young enough for a transplant, although that will depend on matches, donors and the like. She probably has the advantage (due to her age) of being generally healthy, no other underlying problems.

My husband certainly weighed the pros and cons - and went on and stayed on dialysis.

The support groups are wonderful and my experience is that they don't try to persuade the patient to stay on or go off - they just give the facts.

All I did when he was upset or tired or sick was listen - hold his hand and listen. I never judged, I never begged - he knew it was keeping him alive and sometimes he just had to vent a little bit. Your friend probably needs the same thing.