I have a ten year old daughter who we have to dicipline concerning academics. This child is one who does what she wants in class or when it comes to homework. She is very consistent lying about doing her homework and not completing her classwork. If she decides she doesn't want to do it then she does not. We have tried everything! We have taken away her extra cirricurlar activities such as soccer, we have taken all of her belongings out of her room. We have been to the school more times than you can imagine. We have talked to her until we are blue in the face and nothing works. Some of her actions she does knowing they are wrong but does them anyway even though she is on punishment, even though she knows we have been to the school, even though we have taken her things and activities. What do we do? I was rasied in a home that this out right behavior warrents spanking but my husband believes different. HELP HELP HELP!!

I don't think physical discipline is the answer.


Why not try sitting her down and telling her what her actions will lead to in the future. WHY it is important that she works hard at school.

Maybe she is just a bit early on the pre teen/teen rebellion. Sit he down and calmly tell her.

Also if you are going to take things/activities from her you need to tell her before hand clearly the reasons that you will take things/activities from her, then follow through at the exact times you say you will i.e. 'if you don't do your homework once this week, you won't play soccer' Then it has to be on the first time it's not done.

Hope this is helpful.

Have you rewarded her when she does something right (rather than punish her when she does something wrong)?

It almost sounds like she is trying to outlast or outdo you.

How much interaction is there otherwise with her parents? -- going to the park, going out to eat, going shopping, reading books together, etc.

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Have you rewarded her when she does something right (rather than punish her when she does something wrong)?

It almost sounds like she is trying to outlast or outdo you.

How much interaction is there otherwise with her parents? -- going to the park, going out to eat, going shopping, reading books together, etc.

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I think she is rewarded for too much sometimes, and she gets off easy. Her school always passes the buck and she gets full sredit for wrong or incomplete work. She has much interaction with family for we are very family oriented. She jut does what ever when ever and really dosen't care about the conquences

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Originally Posted by neverme

I don't think physical discipline is the answer.


Why not try sitting her down and telling her what her actions will lead to in the future. WHY it is important that she works hard at school.

Maybe she is just a bit early on the pre teen/teen rebellion. Sit he down and calmly tell her.

Also if you are going to take things/activities from her you need to tell her before hand clearly the reasons that you will take things/activities from her, then follow through at the exact times you say you will ie 'if you don't do your homework once this week, you won't play soccer' Then it has to be on the first time it's not done.

Hope this is helpful.

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Once again this week she has disrupted class and failed several assignments when going back to the school again their explination is she just not interested. This is not acceptable! My child was A-B honor roll for the past two years and then last nine weeks she was also. In four weeks she dropped from a B to a D. This is a weekly occurrence. We did decided that spanking her was not the answer either. I fell this is somewhat a responsibility of the school. They are allowing her to socialize istead of completing her work and saying it's acceptable that she make below average grades. We reward her lots for the right choices and good grades, but as a parent I cannot and will not award for bad choices that the school is enabling her to have which is leading to the failing grades. Any more advise would be helpful.

I honestly do not think what your doing as parents is right. Your punishing her for not doing homework or school work. Your just making things worse. Spanking will only make things worse.

I think you should contact the nanny show. Will whip you as parents up in shape and will actually help the lines of communication to be open enough to develop a better relationship with your daughter.

She is only 10 years old. Come on. Get real please. It is time to award her for good behaviour and be more helpful as far as school work and find out what exactly is going on. Maybe there are certain issues with school work but is afraid to tell you about them because you guys as parents are acting like judge and ruler without giving her breathing space.

Your expectations are way way too too high, LAY OFF NOW.

Once again this week many failing grades due to disruption of class. She had a partner all week and had the article in front of her (like a open book test) and circled the answers and handed it in within 5 minutes. None were correct, but the partner made 95 on each test. We did decide that spanking is not the answer either. She is actually rewarded too much sometimes. She is very spoiled. She makes her choices and rally does not care what the conquences are. However, the school is enabling her to have this behavior they are allowing it to continue. Their answer is she is not interested and it's acceptable for her to make below average grades. This is unacceptable to me as a parent. This chikd has been A/b honor roll for two years and also last nine weeks. However she has gone from a B to a D in four weeks. This is not okay. Any more advise would be great please!

Do I need to repeat what I said? Did you even read my full post.
Your approach as a parent sucks. Punishing a child is the wrong way to go about trying to get her to do better for homework. You need to work with her not against her.

As far as the school, you know what all this pressure at 10 years old, does not make any sense too me. Your emotionally abusing your child by putting such high expectations on her. All your doing is ruining your relationship with your daughter.

She will be afraid of you if she is not already. She is acting out and you need to find new ways of approaching the situation with her homework. Get off her back and start changing the way you deal with homework and school and work with everybody instead of against them.

Positive reinvorcement is needed here not an army commander for a parent. There is a lot more going on here, but we can not get to the bottom of it here. I would also like to know what changed in the last while for this to happen. Something must have happened. Maybe she just wants to be a kid. Maybe a lot of things, Just guesses on my part, but it will take more effort on your part to figure out what is going on and work with your daughter in a positive way.

Please seek out school counselors to give you all pointers on helping this child be a child, as well as doing well in school.

Helping Your Child With Homework

You didn't answer my question -- "How much interaction is there otherwise? -- going to the park, going out to eat, going shopping, reading books together, etc." I'll add some more -- baking cookies or brownies together, doing yardwork or snow shoveling together, volunteering at an animal shelter together, doing a particular hobby together, going to church together, singing songs in the car while driving to places, going to the library together.

I think this little girl is crying out for love and attention.

And what happens that you think she's spoiled?

I would contact all of her teachers and ask them to please fill in an assignment sheet that you have to sign everyday when assignments are completed.My sons school had a homework hot line where parents could call and hear the recorded message from the teacher about the daily assignments.If your school does not have one you may want to suggest it.

Often times I think parents deprive kids of so much(no phone no TV no computer,etc.) as punishment that the child feels like they have nothing to lose so they just give up.

I had the same problem with homework.I also got the *not interested in that subject* routine.

I quickly and consistently pointed out that in life there will be many things we do not want to do.
I did not like going to a job I hated but I had no choice.That is life and they need to get that it is not just about what you want.

Allow a half and hour break for snack after school and then together sit down and commence homework.

Take the subject she dislikes the most first.
Sit at the kitchen table and read a book or do paperwork but sit there to keep her on task and to give assistance when needed.
Give lots of positive reinforcement and try to make the subjects she is not into more interesting.

Try to keep it lighthearted and take away the *chore* aspect of it.Share your personal experiences with her about how you struggled with a subject and find ways to make it easier.

Consistency is the key and the reminder that she may as well get used to doing things that she doesn't like as that is what life if often about.