Hi there,

I have this big question all the time in my head that "is marriage more tough than what you thought before you were married"?

I am married for the last 2 years and I am in a committed relationship. Everything is nice and perfect. We live in a beautiful home and no kids yet. But sometimes I feel, I have everything but something very important is missing.

Do you think this is just my problem or is there a valid excuse for me to feel better?

My husband is in a good profession and makes good money. I am a homemaker as of now but looking for a job.

Please help.

Well a homemaker without children in it would be a very dull and difficult job.

Yes, marriage is tough, more tough than you could ever expect before you get married. Marriage is work and commitment and you are always searching for new ways to keep things fresh and exciting.

I think that in the mean time while you are seeking work, maybe you can find some voluteer work to do. It will help you feel better about yourself and occupy some down time. Is there a cause that is close to your heart where you donate some of your time?

I think the important thing you have missing is a sense of accomplishment.
Homemaker is not all that challenging and or rewarding without children.
We all need to feel a sense of accomplishment everyday to feel good.
Keeping house can be very routine ,boring and lonely.
As justwantfair said try to find a volunteer opportunity that means something to you.
I know meals on wheels is a program that is always looking for drivers to deliver meals to shut-ins.

What you need is a good trial to go through. Sounds like everything's been peachy for you, and that's great, but you'll never know if the car can handle the speed until you get it out on the highway...

Just my expirence, my first marriage was "perfect" and ended abruptly after only a year, my second was full of trails, some ongoing to this day, but we're going on eight years.

Now if either one of us say we want a divorce, the other's like "pshhttt... what ever..."

Having kids would be a good start.

Nothing says "test" like having about three kids, hubby looses his job, you all loose your home, and have to live in your parents basement for a year while you file bankruptcy. On kid gets pregnant at 14, the other gets into drugs and is in constant trouble, the other might turn out okay... Your best car is missing a tail light, has 230000 miles on it and the transmission is slipping.

Survive that, and I'd say you'd be good to go.

Not that I'm saying you should go out and invite trouble, but you got to live a little. Start with some kids.

You're not challenged, and that's what's missing - the challenge.

Thank you guys. Your answers meant so much to me. I am feel a lot better. But you know, as you guys exactly said, I am happy being a housewife (in a way) and would love you to keep my home clean and tidy. (Oh by the way I love to cook also). But it feels as though I am stuck only with these things. You know, in these circumstances, you look out more for your husband's love and affection. My husband is in a very busy profession and not feel that fancy about bed room life as I do. For him life has many more things to offer. So I feel as though I am abandoned and I am here only to cook and clean!! Is it natural that women feel (or expect) a lot more for personal life than men?

I am in the same boat at times, so I can't tell you it is natural, I can tell you that it does happen.

Men with busy lives at work and high stress jobs apparently spend all of their energy places everywhere except the bedroom. Yet everything outside of the bedroom is running like silk.

Have you talked to him about how you feel? It is very difficult when you are emotionally need from lack of social activities and your partner is social drained from an overactive social experience of his daily life. Do you find other ways to be social throughout the day?

Hello blonde:

Two YEARS?? Well, it's time to meet him at the door when he comes home from work wearing a sexy negligée, with a drink in one hand, and really fun sex toy in the other.

excon

Yes I did spoke to him about this. He says I am encouraging all negative thoughts. He is a very good provider and I am in a very secure (financially) place. But you know, you are just married and looking out for more passionate LOVE from your husband and he is not at all naughty. For him the only thing is SEX, he would not do any foreplay so as to bring me into the same page. He will just hop on me and expects me to be ready!! I also have told him that BEDROOM life is so important and that too during this time when we don't have any kids yet because it will help to bring us together more. He treats me like a pillow when he would masterbate. Just hop on the pillow, and make himself happy!! Can you believe he does not even know where I have few birth marks on my body!! We are married for the last 2 years by the way. I feel so frustrated and neglected. Only to have hot meal on the table, I am needed? Sometimes, I feel being a GIRL is a SIN... Everything should happen to according to your husband and you are always on the backburner... Oh god, I feel terrible sometimes

Hello again, blonde:

Then you're going to have to teach him. Letting him have his way with you ISN'T teaching him. MEETING him at the door in a sexy negligée IS teaching him...

Now, it IS possible that you have an UNTEACHABLE male. If so, you're going to have to decide which is better, gooood sex, or money.

excon

I feel your frustration, I really do, especially since I just had the same conversation last night and I haven't found my own solution.

Exy's suggestion is a start, do something to take him by surprise, but I understand a partner who doesn't see the necessity of foreplay. So take his idea to the next level. When he comes home and you are all dressed up don't let him touch you, just watch you work around the house for a while. Then let him know that he has to make you beg for it. Sometimes, if we have the direct conversation, you have to walk away from your man for awhile and let the thoughts linger so men can understand them and hear what you are saying.

Of course I did not marry him for his money or his profession. I liked this guy (by the way it was an arrange marriage). I would love to teach him but please help by walking me through how to do it? We have had many arguments about our personal life situation and I am requesting him to go to a doctor to get his hormonal levels checked. Please help

What have you done?

Could you try what was mentioned and report back on how that went?

Thanks Justwant fair,
You mean to say not to immediately fall for his clinge for intimacy? I need to avoid for sometime being close to him and for any physical contacts...
Thanks again. Any thoughts on me requesting him to go to the doctor to check on his hormonal levels as his desire for personal life is not that much?

Because sometimes I feel scared thinking whether I am hurting his manly EGO by asking him to go to the doctor... Also, he expects me to be on oral contraceptive pills everymonth (for another 2 years) but my question is why should I be on pills if we are not intimate that often...

I am iffy about asking him to go to the doctor to be evaluated, I don't think the other appropriate measures have been addressed at home to constitute sending him for anything other then a routine physical.

I think you should first try to step things up, when people are having sex they are more likely to want it more often.

Has he always been this way or is this more recent?

Yes, you should stay on the pill, you are trying to improve your sex life.

Sure I will try that today itself and would let you know tomorrow. Thanks folks again.

Hello again, blonde:

We have to back up a little bit here. Good sex happens in your BRAIN, not your body. It begins with open and honest COMMUNICATION. I think THAT'S what's missing here.

I'll bet you've already told us way more than you have ever told him... True?

Therefore, in my view, it has NOTHING to do with his body or his mind. It has to do with your relationship.

Yes, I see that it was arranged. But, I don't think that means it can't be happy. I think you BOTH need some basic counseling.

excon

Oh he was more worse than what he is now. I think when we were newly weds, he was horrible. He is getting better day-by-day though. But I am a human and just feels like till how long should I keep waiting. I would definitely do whatever it takes from my side to keep this marriage going in a nice way. For this if I have to wait for a couple of more years also, I am fine. Would certainly take your suggestion and try it out today itself and keep you posted by tomorrow. Thanks folks