My wife has cheated on me three times in the last 5 years.what now
First I'll start by saying that I love my wife. We met in the college theatre department and hit it off right away. We then got married our senior year. One time our senior year of college I didn't go to a party because I was tired and she did. She ended up getting really drunk and in her stupper some douche bag took advantage of her and they had sex. She told me 2 days after. As much as it hurt me, I forgave her rather quickley, because she knew it was a mistake, and it was an accident. She was being irresponsible, but we were 22 yrs. Old, what do you expect? I was willing to chalk it up to being young.
About a year later we were out of college and interning for a theatre in a new city. We were fresh out of college and weren't making much money. My wife has always been much more tame than me, she was never a big partier. So basically with no homework or evening responsibilities I was partying all the time and drinking a lot. In my mind: I have no kids, I just worked 12 hours for slave wages, and there is a keg and a bunch of friends. Simple math, it seems. What I didn't know is that my finds me very "unattractive" when I party all the time. Basically she started a relationship with this other guy. It appeared to be a friendship at first so I wasn't threatened. Then one day I examined our cell phone bill and saw that she was talking to him for at least an hour a day. After forcing her to tell me what was going one, I found out that the had a relationship. She said they never slept together, but it was definantly going to happen soon if I hadn't found out when I did. There was all types of anger towards this guy. I threated him (he was 10 years older than me and had 2 kids) and we went back and forth for a few weeks. Basically, it all culminated in us getting into a fight at some party. My wife thought about going away with him, but then she stood by my side after the fight. We had a rough couple of weeks, but she wrote off this guy and we moved past it as a couple and came to an even bigger city and started our careers.
3 years later. We both have been very successful at our given professions. We still have no kids. Basically I just switched jobs and was going through a weird emotional time, I'll refer to it as a late 20's "what does it all mean" faze. I was kind of depressed and I did started drinking a little more heavily than I have in a while. I mean I was partying a lot on the weekends. Things started to weird and distant betweens about 4 months ago. I began to suspect that there was someone else, but it was until about a week ago that I finally caved in and bought a keylogger program and found out that she was having another affair. This time she has slept with guy 4 times (she later confessed to me). She said the affair went on in the late fall, and she called it quits by the end of Oct. She told me 2 nights ago that it was because she wanted to work on things with me. And last night she expressed interest in going to counseling. Which would be required if we were to continue.
Here are my questions. I LOVE this women, but my main fears right now are the what if's.
What if it happens again... I don't think I'll be able to bear it?
What if it doesn't happen, but there is still a distance between?
What if we spend all the money on counseling only to find out that we should be together?
Should I just call it quits and do the one thing I don't want to do?
Will she ever be able to respect if I stay with?
Am I just a gluten for punishment?
Any thoughts are much appreciated.