I know he loves me. But he goes from being really close and loving me to being totally distance? I want to know why he would love me one minute then not the next then go back to loving me?

I'm so upset.
Ok. We have been in a long distance relationship for 6 years. . We told each other we loved each other way before we ever met. Then when we met everything was the same. We loved each other just as much or more than we did before we met. . but we have only met twice for about 4 days each visit. We fell in love before we ever even had sex and we had a great connection. . and after meeting we had the same connection.. . But he won't ask me to move there... even though I said I would... he says he loves me and wants to make a baby with me... but then he becomes distance and stops talking to me for several weeks... then calls... I answer... he says he wants to see me and I tell him I will see him.. then he doesn't call for another 3 or 4 weeks... I'm so confused? What the hell is his problem??

Then you may want to ask him, even if you do, he may not even realise he is doing it, let alone know why.

IF you want a better answer or suggestion, we need more information.

Peace and Kindness,

Well. I would think he is either cheating on you or he is just not sure about a choice he has made. There are a lot of things that could be going on here. A big part is how long you have been togather. If not long them maybe he is rethinking things.. if a long time you may want to set him down and ask him, why he has been acting they way he has been.
Let me know how long you al have been togather n well go from there :)

Hey NudeHemp. . Well we have been together about 6 years...

Wow. That's a touchy subject now. I don't want to end or loosen the grip on your relationship. Maybe he thinks you have done something, and he is just not man enough to confront you about it or is scared you will leave him if he does. Then again he could be having an affair, and is falling in love with someone else. There is always a left and right to every road even if there isn't any pavement. Which means you have to look at every aspect of the way he acts. What does he do now that he didn't do. Or vice versa

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Originally Posted by NudeHemp

wow. thats a touchy subject now. i dont want to end or loosen the grip on your relationship. then again he could be having an affair, and is falling in love with someone else. there is always a left and right to every road even if there isnt any pavement. which means you have to look at every aspect of the way he acts. what does he do now that he didnt do. or vice versa

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I would advise you not to annalys everything as it will only drive you to speculations, very dangerous and painful. Have you ever heard of a Self Prophecy. When you think about a really bad thing happening, and then Boom, it happens. You don't want to spend your time with him if you'll both be miserable, do you? :( I'm sorry, but like Nudehemp said, "maybe he thinks you have done something, and he is just not man enough to confront you about it or is scared you will leave him if he does."

You have to be the strong women that you are, and ask him if something is wrong, if he gets defensive press a little more, he may get supper mad and say mean things, but you have a right to know, and you do want to know right? I'm afraid we have no answer that will be true, only guesses in the darker places of the world; The human mind where fears dwell.

Please, try to talk to him, if you love him, then take that responsibility that is love and just try asking him. If he gets too mad, or makes you feel unsafe then drop it. You can take it up again later, or in a couples counseling. If you really want to know, I know you are scared like any one would be, but you don't sound like you will have piece of mind until you do find out the truth...

Peace and kindness be with you.

There's probably stuff going on in his life that has him confused about a relationship with you. My first guess (and I hope I'm way wrong) is that he is already married or has a girlfriend. Now that the two of you have met in person, he's not sure what to do about you.

Life is too short to hang on to this guy if he doesn't show signs of wanting to have you with him. I realize that you have been building the relationship for years. Don't waste any more time. If he really wants to be with you, he will act like it, not treat you like he has been lately.

I think you have a right to be upset. You deserve better treatment than this.

Stop letting him play games with you, remove yourself from this situation by going No Contact. Let yourself heal!

His problem, or more YOUR problem, is that he isn't really committed to you. You don't deserve to be at someone's service whenever they feel it convenient. Time to find someone closer to home, and someone worthy of your love.

Don't have sex until your married seriously!! Ah!

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Originally Posted by math_dude16

don't have sex until your married seriously!!! Ah!

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What? This isn't the place for stuff like this...

I also fail to see what this has to do with anything (unless you are suggesting the guy just used her for sex)

Honestly I am sorry... but save that stuff for marriage. Some guys do that. But if he really loves you, he would ask you to marry him. And then have a family. But really sometimes if you think about it... some guys don't want to get married because they don't want the commitment, so you get pregnant, and what if he finds someone else? It just makes sense if you get married, then you know for a fact that he really loves you.

You have let him string you along, and fill your head with nonsense for 6 years? When is enough bad behavior, enough??

Exactly talaniman!

You need to ask him.tell him how you feel and tell him the problom you have with him.hes going to tell you that there is nothing wrong.if he says its all in your head and that there's no problom ofter you ask him then he's full of s--t.I was married for 11 years it was a good for 10 years but then something changed my wife tells me she loves me everyday but she started being different I knew there was something wrong but couldn't figure out what until I followed her one day and found her with someone else.and of couse she says its not what you think.not! It was exactly was I thought.stop and think about your pain do you really want to go wondering what's wrong or do you want to ask him.thats what you need to do.

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Originally Posted by heartbroken27

I know he loves me. But he goes from being really close and loving me to being totally distance? I want to know why he would love me one minute then not the next then go back to loving me?

I'm so upset.
Ok. We have been in a long distance relationship for 6 years. . We told each other we loved each other way before we ever met. Then when we met everything was the same. We loved each other just as much or more than we did before we met. .but we have only met twice for about 4 days each visit. We fell in love before we ever even had sex and we had a great connection. .and after meeting we had the same connection. . .But he wont ask me to move there.... even though I said I would.....he says he loves me and wants to make a baby with me.....but then he becomes distance and stops talking to me for several weeks...then calls..... I answer....he says he wants to see me and I tell him I will see him.. then he doesn't call for another 3 or 4 weeks..... I'm so confused? what the hell is his problem?????

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Ah, new information, now the picture is clearer, not clear mind you, but we can see instantly that the situation isn't so complicated.

Heartbroken, seriously think about his. 6 years you've bin talking, you've only met twice, for four days. What happened in those 4 days? Also, why doesn't he want you to move in together? He is not a bad guy, he is like any other guy. You seem to want more he doesn't, perhaps you may consider looking for some one else to be with?

Saying something, and doing something are two very different things. I once recall a phrase that says, "In the real world, talk is cheep, actions speak louder than words . This means that some one can tell you one thing, but do something completely different, but as long as they keep telling you what they think you want to hear, then you will always be there when they want you. I can't tell if he is using you, but you definitely don't' sound happy together. I'm really sorry to point this out, but 6 years long distance and only 2 visits? I don't know, but if I didn't see my Girl Friend long distance at least once or twice a year, I'd have to say I'd have to let her go. I'd want something more real, and definitive.

They say love is like a drug. It releases endorphins when the person you "love" is around or says something you want to hear or does something you like. But when they are not there, or do/ say things that "hurt", its like being a drug addict. You loose the endorphins and become depressed. I've read that it's similar to crack in that way, but not as strong. What I mean is, should you decide to let go, it will feel like crap, but only as long as you let it get you down. Take a week/ month what ever, but after that, get up, get out and do stuff you like. Exercise, play guitar(my personal fave.), go for walks, hang with friends, go to shows(if you got some cash for it.), join a group, etc. Explore life and expand on who you are, and discover who you are, because getting to know yourself is a life long endeavor.

Questions you may want to ask yourself , do you know who you are now? Do you love yourself? And why are you so caught up on this one guy, besides the obvious "love" you have for him? What does he do that makes you feel so good?

Well, you can do what you want, and I believe you are a strong and intelligent person, just remember we all make mistakes. Then we have to live with the consequences. "Don't be afraid to change the road your on, because everyone knows, there are always two paths you can go by". - Led-Zeppelin

Peace and kindness be with you.

Oh, I failed to mention.

It's not a matter of what you should or shouldn't do. It's a matter of what you are doing, and weather it is saticfying your needs...

YouTube - everybody's free to wear sunscreen

I know you said it has been 6 years... but he doesn't sound like he cares about you much. 3-4 weeks is a really long time without communication between any boyfriend and girlfriend.

From a third person's point of view you should really ditch this guy. But in reality, you should be confronting him about your concerns.