I have been with my now fiancé for four years May 6th. We got together my freshman year in high school and had a really great relationship. He was always kissing and hugging me and telling me how much he loved me and now all of that has ended. He went to college for two years and in that time I felt like he was becoming more and more distant from me. The next year I found out that he had cheated on me for 4 MONTHS with a girl from around where he was going to school. That was almost the end of our relationship but I loved him so much that I gave him another chance. Last year we had our first child together who is now four months old, and recently found out that the girl he cheated on me with was not just a relationship and a one kiss thing he actually took this girl's virginity also. Ever since we have argued constantly, we have a few good days and then a lot of horrible days. He doesn't want to be around me when he comes home from working twelve hours a day. I don't know what to do, I love him with all my heart but will this relationship last? Please Help.

My husband and I have been together since high school and boy-o it is a challenge at times.

Honestly, it depends on the couple. I would go to a marriage councilor, a pastor or even sometimes the best advice comes from the elderly, yep, a couple that has been together for 50 years will usually have GREAT advice.

MRS.S

Threads merged, and edited


We have a beautiful baby together whose four months old. We have our good times and bad but lately its been mostly bad. I want more time with him because he's gone for twelve hours a day and when he gets home I want to be with him, talk to him, and maybe get a little close every now and then. He's been really distant lately and I was wondering if anybody out there had any advice for me. I know he's not cheating because he works with his dad all day and I'm sure I would know if he was cheating. Is it me? What can I do to show him I love him and want him to fall back in love with me like before :confused:

12 hour days are tough- my husband would even work 14/16 hour days, a while ago, and I remember it was hard.

Chances are he is tired. The best thing to do is greet him with a hot meal, a smiling face [not asking you to be a Stepford wife here] and ask him how his day went. If you simply do those things each day [sincerly] then I'm sure he'll open up to you.

The last thing he wants is for him to come home to a nagging wife and no food after a hard day of work- I know I'd hate that.

Does he have weekends off? If so try and schedule something fun for the family [and relaxing]. I used to make sundays "Big breakfast days" where I'd make pancakes, eggs, bacon, etc.

If problems are really bad and don't pick up by doing the following things I mentioned then try to go to counciling.

MRS.S

P.S. Also, try and keep lines of communication open with your husband. Be honest in how you feel and ask him why he's been acting the way you feel he is being.

-I forgot to mention: what are you problems? Are the financial or does it have to do with quality time, communication, etc.

If you pin point the problem, surely AMHD will you find the solution =)

MRS.S

Thanks for answering. I will try these things to see how it goes but to answer your questions our problems are with communication and quality time together. We do okay financially, the bills are paid and we have what we need. We're not rich or anything but we're happy. I just want that love back that has kept us together over the past four years.

I don't think that love has gone anywhere. Its just hidden below the realities of life that you are busy with.

Many times we are overwhelmed, and distracted by, the routine of building a life, and are distracted all the time, except in those really quiet times of peace at the end of the day, when we look at our partner while they sleep, and appreciate their efforts, and presence. Fleeting as those moments may be, over time, they are the glue that reminds you why you are together, until kids, jobs, chores, and routine take your focus away.

After 30 years of marriage you will have more time to be goo goo, ga ga, again until the grandkids come over, and distract you yet again. HeHeHe, but they get picked up and go home soon enough, and you can chase each other around naked if you wish! (blinds drawn of course) :D

This is from March of 2009 - glad I'm not the only one who occasionally misses a date.