Okay, hopefully you are done laughing enough now to read this. Lol. Anyway, I'm talking to this girl, and I'm hoping it will turn into something some day. Besides this, a serious relationship usually involves sex at some point. Problem is, that's right, you guessed it, I'm scared to have sex. Lets clear this up first, I am not a virgin. However I've only been with one other girl, and yep, she's the one who took it.

The reason why I'm scared of sex? Well to say it simply, I don't last very long. In my last relationship sex wasn't something we did very often, due to circumstances. I'm assuming this problem is probably from my lack of experience. The reason this scares me is if this new girl and I do get serious, it might cause a problem with our relationship. I'm afraid I might not amount to her expectations. The girl I was with before knew I was a virgin and was expecting the shortness. This new girl knows I'm NOT a virgin, and probably won't expect such inexperience. However, I do know that I can still perform afterwards for my partner sake, so I don't just leave them hanging. I apologize if that last bit was too personal, but it's relevant.

Okay, so the question is, am I just being paranoid about this? Should I flat out tell her if we ever come across this part of a relationship, or should I just not tell her and have her figure it out during the exercise? Are most women understanding of this, even if they are much more experienced than you are? I don't know why I'm letting this bother me so much, but it is and I need some clarity and advice. So I say thanks to you all for any advice you give. -Chillaxguy90

How old are you bud?

I am 19. Yes I know I am young and still have many years left to gain experience, but isn't true that most guys my age have enough experience to not have this problem? I have the smarts in many areas, just none that deal with relationships, let alone sex. Probably because I waited till I was 18 before I got myself entangled in one. So if I sound pathetic, I apologize.

I think all men have had a spout of these sort of issues at some time and sometimes for extended periods... my opinion is that worrying only makes matters worse and if you have a loving partner then really you have nothing to worry about. I say this because with time and with the right partner I'm positive things will improve. Also the right partner shouldn't really care too much about that, after all its about you and not THAT..

I have had a similar problem before for a few months with a past partner and although we no longer see eye to eye unfortunately I might add, she was never concerned about my little problem, and with time the nervousness dissipated and before I knew it I was outlasting her, and in increasing frequency I was able to last through 2,3 or more of her orgasms before the ineveitable happened. The secret is to relax and spend a lot of time with your partner, and slowing things abit if you felel its going to happen, only to start again when the feeling has passed.

I hope that is of some help,

Hank

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Originally Posted by Chillaxguy90

Okay, hopefully you are done laughing enough now to read this. lol. Anyway, I'm talking to this girl, and I'm hoping it will turn into something some day. Besides this, a serious relationship usually involves sex at some point. Problem is, that's right, you guessed it, I'm scared to have sex. Lets clear this up first, I am not a virgin. However I've only been with one other girl, and yep, she's the one who took it.

The reason why I'm scared of sex? Well to say it simply, I don't last very long. In my last relationship sex wasn't something we did very often, due to circumstances. I'm assuming this problem is probably from my lack of experience. The reason this scares me is if this new girl and I do get serious, it might cause a problem with our relationship. I'm afraid I might not amount to her expectations. The girl I was with before knew I was a virgin and was expecting the shortness. This new girl knows I'm NOT a virgin, and probably won't expect such inexperience. However, I do know that I can still perform afterwards for my partner sake, so I don't just leave them hanging. I apologize if that last bit was too personal, but it's relevant.

Okay, so the question is, am I just being paranoid about this? Should I flat out tell her if we ever come across this part of a relationship, or should I just not tell her and have her figure it out during the exercise? Are most women understanding of this, even if they are much more experienced than you are? I don't know why I'm letting this bother me so much, but it is and I need some clarity and advice. So I say thanks to you all for any advice you give. -Chillaxguy90

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When the relationship reaches that point where sex is inevitable, just tell her you are inexperienced. If the relationship is built on trust, friendship, truth, and honesty, it would certainly not been seen as a 'fault'.

Far better for her to know ahead, and work through the needs and wants, knowing that things will improve, rather than think that, IF the sex is not great, that that is the way it is always going to be.

Honesty in the bedroom works every time.

Look, you aren't supposed to stroke like a porn star, guy. That is all fantasy.

Remember: Don't get your sex education from pornography, get it from experience. :) Everyone is a rank beginner when THEY ARE A BEGINNER! That's normal. We mature in all sexual areas as we grow older and more experienced. :)

Young girls are not always the best sexual partners because many think that a guy has to stroke longer and longer... that the magical orgasm is just a few strokes away...

Research shows that the average man strokes from 3-5 minutes, older men up to ten minutes, and a mature, orgasmic woman can orgasm within that frame.

Since you are "scared", perhaps you want to talk to a professional... don't adopt a scared attitude to stufff in life just because you are a beginner, no matter what it is! :) Just jump in with a willing attitude.

Best wishes,

My husband was really nervous about having sex for the same reason, but I told him it's OK. He's lasting longer and longer and I think gaining confidence plays a big part of that. One thing I love though is that he puts me first most of the time and when he does I generally have another orgasm in the time that we actually have sex because I'm already warmed up. Sorry if that's too much info but it's the truth. Lol

Make sure you take care of her needs first so there is no problem with her being unsatisfied.
Here is a link to a very good article that I think will be of great help to you.

http://www.tantra-sex.com/ummspring02.html

I would think that building up the ability to prolong ejaculation comes with time and is quite normal. For a man, I would think that you're even more sensitive the younger you are. I walk barefoot all the time, therefore I have developed callouses and am not as ticklish. I'm not a man, so I wouldn't know... but what I DO know is that in talking to women... 20 minutes or more of oral foreplay for the gal and telling her how beautiful she is and describing everything you love about her and why while you're doing this... could be more than what she needs "orgasmically." Most women cannot orgasm -- or have trouble and fake it -- because it truly is about the clitoral stimulation. I personally don't prefer long lovemaking sessions... never had. But I would think if you pleasure a woman clitorally, and then even if you finish in 5-10 minutes, you'll have satisified her and are getting the experience you need to try to learn to master the art of knowing when to hold off, slow down on your orgasm yourself and because you've pleased her... orally with cunnilingus and with your words of adoration, you will have given her much more than a lovemaking session wherein she couldn't reach orgasm... you'll have given her orgasm and all the things women love to hear and both of you will be developing a confidence and trust in each other in the most intimate of ways. Also, get a book on how to please a woman... if you master that art first, your woman will feel more loved by you and you won't have to worry so much about the length of performance.

Don't stress yourself over this. My fiancé is in his 30's and I am in my 20's and I still had to teach him.

Every female is different and your going figure out what worked with your ex might not work with your current girlfriend.

Talking about sex is the best policy. Expressing your fears and learning her likes and dislikes will be fun--believe me.

Experience isn't based on the number of sexual partners you had because the number is just a number.

How long do you two engage in foreplay? I don't even get hard until my wife's gotten off at least once. The ideal is to start Friday night and finish sometime Tuesday. How close can you get?