So lately when I'm alone in my room or where ever I've been feeling kind of trapped. I get thinking about how my friends don't really have time for each other with jobs and boyfriends and sports. All ten of us are slowly drifting apart. I get uber sad and suddenly I feel like I need to cut myself to let it out. I don't know why but cutting gives my brain a chance to sigh and calm down. Get rid of all those memories and worries for a few hours. I spend a lot of time in my room because my dad gets drunk and acts like a compleat and my moms always working.

When I'm just sitting there in my desk at school this happens too. It kind of pokes at me and I feel like I want to cry. As soon as someone turns around and talks to me a swich goes up and suddenly I'm obsorbed in whatever they're saying and I suddenly feel really happy. Its only when I'm talking to other people I feel normal and fine. As soon as the high drops off and I'm just sitting in my desk, the walls start to slowly go up. I'm getting closterfobic. Just the idea of death is a breath of fresh air because this has been going on for 3 years on and off and I'm getting tired.

Advice? Comments? Would love some input

Hi Reicheru-006... it sounds like you are going through a really lonely time. Please know that we have all been there and you are definitely not alone... even the most successful, brilliant, and popular people go through times like these... it's all a part of growing up.

As far as your friends go, I know it's a sad thing to see everyone drift apart, but friendships go through very many phases in life and only the really strong ones (and the one's that matter) are going to last. Don't worry about that.. people come and go and everyone changes, but with times, you're going to find that it's better to have 2 best friends than 10 "sort of" friends that are too busy with other things... and other times, you'll find that you really are just better off alone (at a certain point in your life). Remember that life is an ever-evolving process..

Cutting may provide relief, but it is a temporary relief.. and it's hurting you more than you think. But don't feel bad about it... people do all sorts of crazy things to relieve their pain, and cutting is very common but it is extremely unhealthy. Instead, why don't you try to find relief in something else? Hobbies are a wonderful outlet... and you can literally do anything. Why don't you join your friends when they're playing sports? Or pick up a guitar (you can get a really cheap one nowadays) and try to find your favorite tune? If you spend a lot of time in your room, you can read.. or watch movies (LOTS of cool movies you can research and order on netflix)... I don't know what else.. make a collage of old pictures? Anything works, really. So next time you feel depressed and feel like cutting, just go online and Google "creative things to do when you're bored"

If all this doesn't help, then you need to see someone who will listen to you and help you out. Start with a counselor, or a school psychologist. There are a lot of opportunities out there for you to feel better.. you just have to stop feeling bad for yourself and do something about it!

I know at times the world look grim, but remember that 3 years is a very small portion of a lifetime. It's difficult to get out of a situation you've been in for a long time but you need to take the initiative yourself, and know that you cannot rely on anyone to make you feel better because ultimately, you are in control of your own thoughts and actions. Be strong, keep your head up, and realize that the challenges you overcome are going to make you a healthier, stronger person in the end... and then you'll have an awesome, heroic story to tell.

Hi, Reicheru-006!

What year are you in school, please? I've had many bouts of depression in my life for various reasons.

Also, what sort of things do you like to do for recreation, please? I have very good reasons for asking that question.

The above answer by margdav86 is excellent, by the way\1

Thanks!

OK so for 86 - I took up cutting because that releif may be temporary but I thought it was sooo much better than drinking and smoking. Cutting I can stop without much will power if I'm having a good day. Drugs and what not, not so much. Also that's part of why I'm depressed. If I had someone to talk to, I would. And I'm sure this'll pass eventually so I don't want anyone involved in my life. They'll just make it worse than it is and I'll be stuck in some rehab missing school or having to make up a year. That's not going to happen.

but you had some great advice in there! Thanks for your imput! =]

for clough - I'm a sophomore. And what do you mean by recreation?

thanks for responding

What I mean by recreation is things that you might like to do for fun, like music, art, drama, sports, etc.

Thanks!

Well I'm really into music. Like constantly buying cds lol. And I go to live local shows all the time. At school I do the lights for my school district's plays and this guy that does sound is trying to teach me that too. Then when people have an open day I'll hang out with friends. Homework and my job takes up most of my free time thoh.

Do you play a musical instrument or sing? It sounds like you must be into the theatrical arts.

Thanks!

Play trombone. Not totally amazing because I never practice but I'm OK. And I don't act or anything.

One of the instruments that I play is the tuba. I also trained to be a band, orchestra and choir director.

Have you ever written poetry or the lyrics for a song?

By the way, I'm having really bad connection problems here, so may need to shutdown and re-start at a later time. It's been taking me literally minutes to post on single threads.

Thanks!

Oh cool! My school has separate teachers for band, chior and stuff. I try to write poems and stuff but its not really a "omg i was born to do this" kind of thing. I've got a ryming problem. But otherwise I kind of just do a little here and there writing.
And that's fine. My computer kind of sucks too

Hi again, Reicheru-006!

I'm sorry to get back to you so late! My connection problems that I was having were bad enough, that I decided to do some major computer maintenance that took a couple of hours.

Would you be interested in writing a song together? Doing that could help you with how you feel about yourself. I can show you how to do it. You would be successful!

Thanks!