Hello,

This is my first time in these forums... I was hoping some of you could shed some light on my situation.. I have been having some trouble with.. I won't get into all the details but I will give you a brief run down.

My girlfriend and I were dating steady for close to 5 months... we were friends before that. Everything was going 100%... we rarley argued and shared many common interests... we also got along very well with the parents. I was also very good to her and was always there for her. Until recently she came to me and said she needed to take break from the relationship. She said she needs time to figure things out. Should I avoid all contact with her? Even though there were no problems or we never fought ? But I always showed her respect, she said nobody ever treated her as well as I do... and she doesn't want to put me though any b/s while she figures things out. Before she left we said she loves me very much.

I am confused... at 1st I contacted her now and then via msn and emails... she keeps saying how bad she feels about doing this.. but it's something she has to do. I told her I want to give her the space she needs and I respect her decision. I hope things work out for us... Should I avoid all contact? I just find it hard since we talked daily and communicated well.

NO CONTACT. Everyone will tell you exactly the same thing. She has told you EXACTLY what she wants. And that sucks, but she WANTS YOU OUT of her life. So do that.

The thing is, SHE'S ALREADY LEFT YOU. She's gone! You just don't want to ACCEPT it. I know it's so hard. IT IS SO HARD. But you have no other choice.

Plus, if she felt SO BAD, she wouldn't have left. She's taking care of HER NEEDS, HERSELF, not worrying about your needs, or YOU! What you wish for is to be in that, healthy relationship that you THOUGHT you had with her. She WON'T, ISN'T, CAN'T give you that.

She won't give you what you need, and you DIDN'T give her what she needed. IT SUCKS. NO ONE DOUBTS THAT. But talking to her won't do a thing. NOT A THING!

You say you respect her, and want to give her space. You haven't done that yet. And honestly, there is no advice, no guidance, nothing in my opinion that will BRING HER BACK. NOTHING. If that happens, it will happen if she wants it to. And then, YOU have the decision to make, is it worth a 2nd shot?

Just remember, no matter what you were before you dated, SHE IS NOT YOUR FRIEND NOW!! Friends don't LEAVE their FRIENDS. She LEFT, she's NOT YOUR FRIEND.

You won't be able to FORGET her now, but stop all contact. People NEVER FORGET, they just distance, and eventually, DISTANCE LEADS TO INDIFFERENCE. And then you have moved on. Step 1, STOP ALL CONTACT.

Trust me, I am hoping INDIFFERENCE towrads my ex is around the corner. I hope it's coming soon. You have to start wanting that too.

YES! Cut all contact now!! Do not contact her.

Generally, I bet this is the situation... there is another guy. I would bet $10,000 on this one. Classic case.

But no problems? No problems for whom you? Obviously there were problems.

If she was so special she wouldn't do this to you.

I am wondering if you became too soft? Too nice? No spine? Happens all the time right at 3 to 5 months. Am I right?

Women need a man they can get mad at. A man that makes them laugh.

Yep - you can't convice a women to like you - NEVER. You have to give her those 'feelings'.

I must agree with all the above.

Trust me I was in your shoes just about 2 month ago and thank god I came on this forum.

Well to make things short it was another guy and I could still have the bitter taste in my mouth, but non the less, you have to CUT ALL CONTACT. I did and its going well.

I miss her like hell but its only a matter of time till things get better, convince yourself of that and your life will get better a lot more quick.. =)

I know about the no contact thing... trust me it works.

It's hard and it will be hard and you probably don't like what we are saying, but really... give her space, and take the time to re-find yourself too.

Do not be confused... rather you wait until you both are married and she said... we need a break... give her that break... she has broken up with you... it hurts I know... your stomach and your heart are physically in pain... I now... you gave it your all... good guy... but understand this... if she had broken off with you in a nasty and disrespectful tone... then your relationship was not going that well in the first place... she is still pleasant with you... a nice ending... now go and find someone else... this one was fine... but there are others out their waiting for a someone like you... say... I accept the challenge! And then... run... baby run...

Wow,

Thanks for all your replys... I really appreciate the input. I think your all pretty well bang on the money... It's been close to a week with no contact... and I was considering it this morning but held back... Just to say a bit more as well... she also said she felt as if she jumped into our relationship a little too quickly... after she broke up with her ex... perhaps she isn't over him and is considering going back ? I know he has a better career than I do... more$$ and such... which bothers me... if that's why she's going back then that's pretty sad... she broke it off with him becasuse he was neglecting her... and I gave her what she was looking for. She said she may realize breaking with me is the biggest mistake she has ever made... but I guess I will let her figure that out and move on. I just find it hard that such a sweet girl can turn around and leave like that... thanks for letting me vent.

Alibis...

I have a strong feeling you came on way too strong.

Next time take it SLOW... I mean slow. Don't talk wit hher every day. No e-mails every day.

IF you contacted her all the time you din't give her space to breath.

She probably needed all the attention in the beginning (BIG mistake)... and loved it - IN THE Beginning!.

But you need to learn with women - LESS IS MORE

Also - I bet the ex asked for her back. That could be a huge thing.

Don't call her!!

Yes , he did ask to get back with her... this was little while ago and she talked to me about it... I just have a hard time picturing her with someone else right now... it kind of makes me boil actually... as far as taking it slow I know your right about that... she was the one always calling me at work and such.. it felt great... I know we got caught up in each other pretty quickly and kind of forgot about who we were as individuals.. and talked about it . And gave one another more room. All of this information is making me look at it from a different angle... yet I am not going to discount the possibility of us getting back together... I really need to move on... I just hope she won't think of me negatively if I try to forget about her... because I still do care for her...

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Originally Posted by Zurich007

I just find it hard that such a sweet girl can turn around and leave like that.... thanks for letting me vent.

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This is why so many of us advise that people go sloooooooooooow in forming serious relationships. Frankly five months is really not that long to be dating someone. You need to use that initial time constructively! Everyone should really see their "object of affection" in LOTS of different circumstances, both good and bad, before giving themselves over completely to it. It is important to know someone thoroughly, which by your own statement you clearly did not. This instant relationship stuff is for the birds and doesn't work.

Don't be in such a rush, it makes for a kind of desperation that will bite you in the butt every time AND it means the foundation to whatever relationship you do form will be thin ice and at the first sign of trouble, crack and you're drowning.

Also be sure that the person is really available, which again sounds like she was not and you, in all that hurry, settled for that. She was fresh out of another relationship and you were the rebound. Now you are likely to turn around and do the same to the next girl unless you stop, regroup, take some time, learn some things about yourself and life, take a break and thoroughly and completely get over her before you get involved again. Capice?

Its not that hard to get right, its really not. It is totally up to you how you want it to go down from here. But I think you'd be a fool not to take a nice chunk of time off, clear out your head and heart and slide back in that dating pool later and sloooowly dogpaddle your way into that deep end, if and only if you find a suitable mate (not the next girl who says yes either, okay?).

By Wildcat,

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Generally, I bet this is the situation... there is another guy. I would bet $10,000 on this one. Classic case

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Do you wonder how others can see things you cannot? Sometimes we are so caught up in our emotions we lie to ourselves or don't see the signs so clear. You had no clue this was coming so of course your hurt and confused. That's why everyone has told you not to contact this female, so you have time to heal and can put reality into a better focus. This sweet girl dumped you for her ex. In other words she never really got over him. Accept this as reality and give yourself time for the healing process to work.

Yes - avoid all contact. I know it'll be hard because you've gotten so used to it but it'll actually work in your favor and increase your chances of maybe eventually getting back together. I know that may be hard to understand but trust me on this. You've got to make her miss you and miss all the good things that you shared together. That'll never happen if you keep contacting her. Meanwhile, get on with your life, do the things you enjoy, meet and date new women. You've got to project to her a sense of urgency, a sense that she may be losing you for good. This is the only way to potentially light a fire under her and get her coming back to you. However, that'll never happen if you keep contacting her every day, because she'll think she has you wherever and whenever she wants. You'll never win her back under those conditions.

Just to ram it home. NO CONTACT!!
Look after you for a while!

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Originally Posted by Zurich007

.....yet I am not going to discount the possibility of us getting back together ...I really need to move on... I just hope she won't think of me negatively if I try to forget about her... because I still do care for her...

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HER FEELINGS ARE NO LONGER YOUR PROBLEM! She LEFT YOU! She had no regard for your feelings. You don't think she had any idea of what her leaving would DO TO YOU? Of course SHE DID. BUT SHE STILL LEFT. She may say she loves you, and whatever else. But ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS! Ask yourself what you'd say to her, if you broke it off with her?

You'd say the same stuff she's saying. Unless someone is truly evil, no one wants to purposely hurt someone. She's LETTING YOU DOWN GENTLY.

Honestly, if people love each other, they LEAN ON EACH OTHER when the going gets tough. They DON'T LEAVE EACH OTHER. The TOUGH TIMES are the truest test of love.

Had to spread it cali but great answer.
This is so true. Great post!

s_cianci - again!! OUTSTANDING ANSWER!! WE NEED TO FRAME THAT ONE.

Cali - awfully good answer! You're learning my man.